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Movie Jail: This week's defendant is...Orlando Bloom!

Nov. 11, 2013by:

Movie Jail

This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.

The Defendant

The Case

The Prosecution: Pirates of the Caribbean series, The Calcium Kid, Troy, Haven, Elizabethtown, Kingdom of Heaven, New York, I Love You, Main Street, The Three Musketeers

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, with The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug out in less than a month and Legolas returning to the big screen, the prosecution has decided to take a look at Orlando Bloom's career. What did we find? Well, he's up for Movie Jail, so what do you think?

Mr. Bloom made a damn fine Legolas in The Lord of The Rings movies, however has he done anything else to prove he's more than just a pretty face? He wasn't bad in the Pirates of the Caribbean series, but I wouldn't say he was very memorable in those films either. Mr. Bloom hasn't done that much work outside of those two massive franchises, but when he has, it's been pretty week. The problem is Mr. Bloom just isn't a very strong actor.

Take for example Troy or Kingdom of Heaven. Neither film was critically acclaimed (although the director's cut of Kingdom of Heaven is much better than the theatrical one), but what stands out is just how bad Mr. Bloom is in both films. You can argue he was miscast for Kingdom of Heaven, but it's still the actor's job to give the best performance he can in a film, and if that is Mr. Bloom's best, then he definitely deserves some time in Movie Jail.

Troy and Kingdom of Heaven at least had potential to be great, but the same can not be said for some of the actor's other films, like New York, I Love You and The Three Musketeers. There are some movie buffs that really like Elizabethtown, but I guarantee you that even the biggest fan of Cameron Crowe's film would agree that Mr. Bloom is the worst part of the movie. Mr. Bloom is an attractive actor, but not very deep, which is actually also a perfect description of most of his films: pretty to look at, but lacking depth.

The Defense: The Lord of the Rings series, Pirates of the Caribbean series, Black Hawk Down, Troy, Ned Kelly, The Good Doctor

Ladies and gentlemen, my client might be known more for his looks than for his performances, but he's still a decent actor. The ladies love Mr. Bloom, however it's not like chick flicks and romantic comedies are his bread and butter. He may have appeared in New York, I Love You, but almost every actor has a couple of those type of movies under his belt. Mr. Bloom has actually shown he has a bit of range, although sometimes the film itself (or the other actors) has a negative impact on how we view Mr. Bloom.

The prosecution says Mr. Bloom's performance in Troy was weak, but the defense feels he was excellent in that film. Paris is supposed to be a wimpy, whiny bitch, and Mr. Bloom played him perfectly. The problem is he (and Brad Pitt, for the record) were overshadowed by Eric Bana's performance, so many people forget how good he was in the film. Elizabethtown received very mixed reviews, however Mr. Bloom is actually quite good in it, and he is far from being the worst thing in it, like the prosecution claims.

But if you want hard evidence that Mr. Bloom can do more besides look really, really good while shooting an arrow or swinging a sword, check out The Good Doctor. Mr. Bloom is incredibly creepy in it, and the defense could see the actor taking on darker roles because of his performance in that movie. Mr. Bloom has plenty of talent as an actor; it just hasn't always been showcased properly. There are many actors who deserve to be sent to Movie Jail, but Mr. Bloom isn't one of them.

IN CLOSING...

Is Orland Bloom a weak actor who lucked out with The Lord of the Rings and Pirates of the Caribbean, or is he actually a good actor who just happened to star in two giant franchises? Is he the reason why critics shit on Elizabethtown and Troy, or were the problems in those films not his fault?  What's the verdict going to be for Orlando Jonathan Blanchard Bloom: GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?

COMMENT BELOW WITH YOUR VERDICT!

*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyways, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.

WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?

LAST WEEK'S VERDICT

In last week's case against Johnny Knoxville, the jury has found the actor NOT GUILTY of all charges! Most of the jury said they love his Jackass movies, and without those films Mr. Knoxville would definitely be sitting in a jail cell right now. But some members of the jury also voiced their opinion that the actor is also very likable, and does a great job in several projects that are unrelated to Jackass, like The Last Stand. No Movie Jail for Johnny Knoxville, but we are going to lock up his buddy Bam Margera, because no one likes Bam.

PREVIOUS VERDICTS

GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr. , Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions, Jennifer Lopez, Bruce Willis, Paul W.S. Anderson, Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker

NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Milla Jovovich, John Singleton, Jon Voight, Jack Black, Brian De Palma, Jerry Bruckheimer, Nicole Kidman, Justin Timberlake, Freddy Krueger (Halloween Special), Johnny Knoxville

Extra Tidbit: Who should stand trial next week? Share your suggestions for actors, directors and writers below with your verdict!
Source: JoBlo.com

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+0
8:32AM on 11/11/2013

lolwhat

Not guilty. Middle Earth's walking reference guide took a while to grow on me (it was always my [link] quip that even if he were fatally stabbed his last words would be, "The scabbard of Gondor!" or some such, since all he does in those movies is identify and clarify things), but the Pirates sequels, in which he swashbuckles with the best of them, and Elizabethtown helped a great deal. Since then he really hasn't done much, so... bogus case? Guy's fine. Let's just try to convince him to come
Not guilty. Middle Earth's walking reference guide took a while to grow on me (it was always my [link] quip that even if he were fatally stabbed his last words would be, "The scabbard of Gondor!" or some such, since all he does in those movies is identify and clarify things), but the Pirates sequels, in which he swashbuckles with the best of them, and Elizabethtown helped a great deal. Since then he really hasn't done much, so... bogus case? Guy's fine. Let's just try to convince him to come back with the Flying Dutchman in an upcoming Pirates film, so *maybe* it won't suck so much like On Stranger Tides.
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8:32AM on 11/11/2013

Not guilty

I agree with the defense that Orlando Bloom hasn't been given a fair shake; he's a better actor than his resume would suggest. Give him a chance to grow out of his pretty-boy looks, and the right role, and I suspect he'll do well.
I agree with the defense that Orlando Bloom hasn't been given a fair shake; he's a better actor than his resume would suggest. Give him a chance to grow out of his pretty-boy looks, and the right role, and I suspect he'll do well.
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8:46AM on 11/11/2013
Kingdom of Heaven: Director's cut is a masterpiece. Also 'not guilty'......... Also "They are taking the hobbits to isengard!!!"
Kingdom of Heaven: Director's cut is a masterpiece. Also 'not guilty'......... Also "They are taking the hobbits to isengard!!!"
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8:57AM on 11/11/2013
Not guilty. Sure he's a pretty boy and kind of bland but he doesn't grate the way a lot of actors who fit that description do. And to follow on from KaytheKing: [link] He's a good sport!
Not guilty. Sure he's a pretty boy and kind of bland but he doesn't grate the way a lot of actors who fit that description do. And to follow on from KaytheKing: [link] He's a good sport!
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12:52PM on 11/11/2013
I'd forgotten about that. Props for a good sense of humour; that confirms my vote.
I'd forgotten about that. Props for a good sense of humour; that confirms my vote.
9:02AM on 11/11/2013

Guilty as sin your Honour!!!!!

The boy is from the Paul Walker school of acting, two default emotiions, brooding and goofy douche bag smile. Boys awful, plain and simple. His only redeeming part was in extras.
The boy is from the Paul Walker school of acting, two default emotiions, brooding and goofy douche bag smile. Boys awful, plain and simple. His only redeeming part was in extras.
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9:07AM on 11/11/2013
I guess he is not guilty, simply because he hasn't done anything worth sentencing. What exactly deserves being sent to movie jail anyway? In my mind, that should be reserved for actors who have consistently demonstrated themselves to be of no value to cinema. He may lack some charisma in his performances, but that alone would not seem enough. Orlando has done nothing of late to indict him.
I guess he is not guilty, simply because he hasn't done anything worth sentencing. What exactly deserves being sent to movie jail anyway? In my mind, that should be reserved for actors who have consistently demonstrated themselves to be of no value to cinema. He may lack some charisma in his performances, but that alone would not seem enough. Orlando has done nothing of late to indict him.
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9:08AM on 11/11/2013

Not Guilty

Not Guilty. He's a badass in Lord of the Rings and Kingdom of Heaven is a masterpiece. And I enjoyed Elizabethtown very much.

So yeah, not guilty.
Not Guilty. He's a badass in Lord of the Rings and Kingdom of Heaven is a masterpiece. And I enjoyed Elizabethtown very much.

So yeah, not guilty.
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9:13AM on 11/11/2013
As a human being, he's pretty cool. But this is Movie Jail and I think his acting is atrocious no matter what he does so lock him up. I remember smiling watching Brendan Gleeson kick the snot out of him in TROY, nothing but a pretty boy.
As a human being, he's pretty cool. But this is Movie Jail and I think his acting is atrocious no matter what he does so lock him up. I remember smiling watching Brendan Gleeson kick the snot out of him in TROY, nothing but a pretty boy.
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9:14AM on 11/11/2013

Not Guilty

I hope to see Orlando Bloom in many more movies to come. I think he is entertaining.
I hope to see Orlando Bloom in many more movies to come. I think he is entertaining.
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9:19AM on 11/11/2013

Not Guilty

Guy was in the two biggest franchises in the last decade, but really hasn't built off of that resume as of late. Probably too busy jumping off of cliffs and surfing, but anyways. For me on Bloom, he's not guilty with insufficient evidence. Yes he's a so-so actor with a limited range from the characters he's always played, but doesn't deserve the guilty verdict. Also, Kingdom of Heaven was amazing, not sure why that's in the The Prosecution.
Guy was in the two biggest franchises in the last decade, but really hasn't built off of that resume as of late. Probably too busy jumping off of cliffs and surfing, but anyways. For me on Bloom, he's not guilty with insufficient evidence. Yes he's a so-so actor with a limited range from the characters he's always played, but doesn't deserve the guilty verdict. Also, Kingdom of Heaven was amazing, not sure why that's in the The Prosecution.
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9:31AM on 11/11/2013

Guilty

Terrible, terrible actor!
Overacts in every role he appears in, he's a terrible actor!!!

Hang then burn him!!!
Terrible, terrible actor!
Overacts in every role he appears in, he's a terrible actor!!!

Hang then burn him!!!
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9:40AM on 11/11/2013
Not guilty but he's getting close.
Not guilty but he's getting close.
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9:54AM on 11/11/2013

Guilty, guilty, GUILTY!!!

Yes lock him away, he suited Legolas but was terrible and bland in everything else and lets be honest just got work because of his looks. I'm glad Hollywood caught on and finally stopped giving roles in otherwise good movies.
Yes lock him away, he suited Legolas but was terrible and bland in everything else and lets be honest just got work because of his looks. I'm glad Hollywood caught on and finally stopped giving roles in otherwise good movies.
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9:54AM on 11/11/2013
You put Kingdom of Heaven in the Prosecution? Thats a fantastic movie and Bloom is damn good in it. Critics shit on it because it was hip to shit on period epics in the post-LOTR years.

I long thought Bloom was the weak link in the Pirates movies...then I saw 'On Stranger Tides' and sorely missed his balancing act to Depp.

Not Guilty, he's kind of already been in Movie Jail the last few years and he deserves a fresh look with 'Smaug.'
You put Kingdom of Heaven in the Prosecution? Thats a fantastic movie and Bloom is damn good in it. Critics shit on it because it was hip to shit on period epics in the post-LOTR years.

I long thought Bloom was the weak link in the Pirates movies...then I saw 'On Stranger Tides' and sorely missed his balancing act to Depp.

Not Guilty, he's kind of already been in Movie Jail the last few years and he deserves a fresh look with 'Smaug.'
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8:56PM on 11/11/2013
That's a really good point about Bloom's presence in the PotC movies. He really was the straight man to Depp's overacting in the first 3 movies and when he was no longer around, there was nothing for Depp to bounce his performance off. A surprisingly underrated presence.
That's a really good point about Bloom's presence in the PotC movies. He really was the straight man to Depp's overacting in the first 3 movies and when he was no longer around, there was nothing for Depp to bounce his performance off. A surprisingly underrated presence.
9:55AM on 11/11/2013
Guilty your honour! He looks like he's going to pee at any minute each time he opens his mouth....
Guilty your honour! He looks like he's going to pee at any minute each time he opens his mouth....
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+2
9:57AM on 11/11/2013

Not Guilty

My reasons...I loved Lord of the Rings...and I loved Pirates 1-3. Both times, I enjoyed his character. Now whilst his presence in the LOTR movies might have been "small", certainly compared to his role in the Pirates' movies, I'm pretty sure I did not enjoy the Hobbit as much as the three movies that came before...and I know I was extremely bored watching the last Pirates movie (think it would have been my worst cinema visit of the year had it not been for Green Lantern). It may well be that
My reasons...I loved Lord of the Rings...and I loved Pirates 1-3. Both times, I enjoyed his character. Now whilst his presence in the LOTR movies might have been "small", certainly compared to his role in the Pirates' movies, I'm pretty sure I did not enjoy the Hobbit as much as the three movies that came before...and I know I was extremely bored watching the last Pirates movie (think it would have been my worst cinema visit of the year had it not been for Green Lantern). It may well be that Bloom lucked out and just happened to be part of the better movies...but for a movie to be really good (to whoever it is that enjoyed said movie), surely everyone involved had to have played a part in making it so. With regard to Troy, I despised his character but isn't that the feelings we were supposed to feel. The idiot's actions lead to the eventual...SPOILER ALERT....SPOILER ALERT.... SPOILER ALERT....SPOILER ALERT.... SPOILER ALERT...death of his brother and what a character he was. Perhaps the prosecution hate his character so much, they've got a personal grudge against him - it happens - there are many Indian TV actresses I despise coz they play unnecessarily mean b*tches so convincingly! As for The Three Musketeers, I'm sure no one involved puts that movie on the top of their resume's filmography but well, I enjoyed it - was okay - and did like the ending shot which featured Mr Bloom. So, anywayz, not Guilty.
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+4
10:07AM on 11/11/2013
Not guilty! I'm glad the Pirates series was used in the defense as the prosecution's use of it was weak ("not bad but not memorable???")! Also Bloom wasn't the worst part of Elizabethtown. That was Dunst (as usual). The Calcium Kid and Troy are two movies that he showed lots of range in instead of just looking pretty! Where's the credit for taking risks with those and the Good Doctor?
Not guilty! I'm glad the Pirates series was used in the defense as the prosecution's use of it was weak ("not bad but not memorable???")! Also Bloom wasn't the worst part of Elizabethtown. That was Dunst (as usual). The Calcium Kid and Troy are two movies that he showed lots of range in instead of just looking pretty! Where's the credit for taking risks with those and the Good Doctor?
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10:31AM on 11/11/2013

Not Guilty

He's been in too many good movies to warrant prosecution even though he is never the best part of a movie he is in. Sure, the Pirates sequels suck but the first one was great. The theatrical version of Kingdom of Heaven is not very good but the director's cut is fantastic and should be the only version film that exists. He is quite good in the original cut of the film, the TC cuts out a lot of important character moments for him. Sure he has never had any stand out acting moments, he is a very
He's been in too many good movies to warrant prosecution even though he is never the best part of a movie he is in. Sure, the Pirates sequels suck but the first one was great. The theatrical version of Kingdom of Heaven is not very good but the director's cut is fantastic and should be the only version film that exists. He is quite good in the original cut of the film, the TC cuts out a lot of important character moments for him. Sure he has never had any stand out acting moments, he is a very mediocre actor with out very much range. The truly great performances that are in his movies are from other people, Kingdom of Heaven and Lord of the Rings are filled with great performances but none of them are from him. He is not particularly memorable but he is not particularly offensive either, he is easily replaceable though.
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12:11PM on 11/11/2013

Not Guilty.

He is great in LOTR, Kingdom of Heaven, and Pirates. Also I thought he was the best part of the awful Three Musketeers. People hate on him for Troy but his character isn't suppose to be likable in that movie. I honestly wish he had been in more movies these last few years. Hope The Hobbit gives him a comeback!
He is great in LOTR, Kingdom of Heaven, and Pirates. Also I thought he was the best part of the awful Three Musketeers. People hate on him for Troy but his character isn't suppose to be likable in that movie. I honestly wish he had been in more movies these last few years. Hope The Hobbit gives him a comeback!
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12:14PM on 11/11/2013

Not guilty.

He may not be the finest actor in the world, but he's also not an actor I spend enough time deliberating about to find him worthy of Movie Jail. He's got the second installment of The Hobbit coming out. If anything, that's a positive. I don't see his career being much of an affront to the movie world. There are actors who are reprehensible, actors who refuse to acknowledge their potential, and then there are actors like Orlando Bloom, who is just lucky to still be on the radar at all. This case
He may not be the finest actor in the world, but he's also not an actor I spend enough time deliberating about to find him worthy of Movie Jail. He's got the second installment of The Hobbit coming out. If anything, that's a positive. I don't see his career being much of an affront to the movie world. There are actors who are reprehensible, actors who refuse to acknowledge their potential, and then there are actors like Orlando Bloom, who is just lucky to still be on the radar at all. This case against him might be one of the more exciting things to happen to him in the past ten years (at least movie-wise).
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12:17PM on 11/11/2013

Lock this guy up up!

Guilty. Sorry Orlando, I know you're too pretty to go to jail, but damn; LOTR shouldn't save anybody who's other work was this uninspired.
Nice cheekbones though.
Guilty. Sorry Orlando, I know you're too pretty to go to jail, but damn; LOTR shouldn't save anybody who's other work was this uninspired.
Nice cheekbones though.
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1:10PM on 11/11/2013

Not Guilty

First off, he was Legolas which makes him awesome. He also starred some massively popular films. While his acting isnt always the best in those, he's actually pretty good in the lesser-known films such as Haven, The Calcium Kid, and The Good Doctor. Also he's a really really nice guy and generally loves his job and his fans.
First off, he was Legolas which makes him awesome. He also starred some massively popular films. While his acting isnt always the best in those, he's actually pretty good in the lesser-known films such as Haven, The Calcium Kid, and The Good Doctor. Also he's a really really nice guy and generally loves his job and his fans.
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1:21PM on 11/11/2013

GUILTY

Gweneth Paltrow had no place in LOTR.
Gweneth Paltrow had no place in LOTR.
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1:29PM on 11/11/2013
Not Guilty I don't even feel I need to include how wicked he was as Legolas in the greatest movies ever made(my opinion), he has been in some entertaining films, but he needs to get some decent films under his belt or he'll lose the lord of the rings card that's saving him from jail right now
Not Guilty I don't even feel I need to include how wicked he was as Legolas in the greatest movies ever made(my opinion), he has been in some entertaining films, but he needs to get some decent films under his belt or he'll lose the lord of the rings card that's saving him from jail right now
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+4
2:04PM on 11/11/2013

Guilty

Apart from being Legolas, he's just not that interesting to me.
Apart from being Legolas, he's just not that interesting to me.
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-5
2:47PM on 11/11/2013
Guilty as all hell.
Guilty as all hell.
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3:51PM on 11/11/2013

Not guilty.

Kingdom of Heaven was amazing though :/
Kingdom of Heaven was amazing though :/
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4:38PM on 11/11/2013
not guilty
not guilty
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6:39PM on 11/11/2013

Not Guilty

Not guilty. Not the strongest actor, but not bad enough for movie jail. His only truly bad performance was three musketeers, but everything about that movie was awful. Still not sure why he's in the Hobbit though, at least bring back Gimli as well. The competitive nature between these 2 characters are some of my favorite "lighter" moments of the trilogy.
Not guilty. Not the strongest actor, but not bad enough for movie jail. His only truly bad performance was three musketeers, but everything about that movie was awful. Still not sure why he's in the Hobbit though, at least bring back Gimli as well. The competitive nature between these 2 characters are some of my favorite "lighter" moments of the trilogy.
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9:49AM on 11/12/2013
I don't think Gimli was born yet. Anyway John Rhys-Davies turned down an offer to return to the series (I would've pegged him for Gloin if he did).
I don't think Gimli was born yet. Anyway John Rhys-Davies turned down an offer to return to the series (I would've pegged him for Gloin if he did).
6:40PM on 11/11/2013
Not guilty... And mean timing, didn't he just get dumped?
Not guilty... And mean timing, didn't he just get dumped?
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7:24PM on 11/11/2013

Not Guilty

Clearly not the best actor in the world, but not so offensive that I would ever call him objectively bad. The Lord of the Rings movies are classics, the first two Pirates films are great fun, and the director's cut of Kingdom of Heaven is one of the best films of the 2000's. Granted, his performance in those films had little to do with their overall quality, but on the flip side of the coin, his performances didn't actively detract from the films. He was good in his small role in Black Hawk
Clearly not the best actor in the world, but not so offensive that I would ever call him objectively bad. The Lord of the Rings movies are classics, the first two Pirates films are great fun, and the director's cut of Kingdom of Heaven is one of the best films of the 2000's. Granted, his performance in those films had little to do with their overall quality, but on the flip side of the coin, his performances didn't actively detract from the films. He was good in his small role in Black Hawk Down, and pretty great in The Good Doctor. Troy also gets more derision than it deserves, and he played his part - unlikable as it was - just fine. I'm struggling to think of one truly bad performance that he's given, to be honest, and given the right material and - more importantly I'd wager - the right director, I think he could surprise people.
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10:51PM on 11/11/2013

Not Guilty

I've enjoyed all of his movies I've seen. LOTR and Pirates and Kingdom are awesome.
I've enjoyed all of his movies I've seen. LOTR and Pirates and Kingdom are awesome.
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+1
7:56PM on 11/12/2013

Bloom is still a good actor.

Not guilty.
Not guilty.
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10:45PM on 11/12/2013

Not Guilty

Just because the guy isn't a "good" actor doesn't mean that he belongs in Movie Jail by any stretch of the imagination. Yes he wasn't asked to do anything other than "identify object, look pretty and kick ass" in the greatest movies of all-time but he did that INCREDIBLY. The first Pirates is still one of the best adventure movies ever made, Black Hawk Down is a solid war flick, the Director's Cut of Kingdom of Heaven is really good and he's making a mainstream comeback as Legolas again. His
Just because the guy isn't a "good" actor doesn't mean that he belongs in Movie Jail by any stretch of the imagination. Yes he wasn't asked to do anything other than "identify object, look pretty and kick ass" in the greatest movies of all-time but he did that INCREDIBLY. The first Pirates is still one of the best adventure movies ever made, Black Hawk Down is a solid war flick, the Director's Cut of Kingdom of Heaven is really good and he's making a mainstream comeback as Legolas again. His projects are strong even if he isn't the strongest in them and on that criteria alone he's definitely not guilty.
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