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Movie Jail: This week's defendant is...Salma Hayek!

Jun. 17, 2013by: Jesse Giroux

Movie Jail

This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.

The Defendant

Salma Hayek

The Case

The Prosecution: Fools Rush In, Fled, Wild Wild West, After the Sunset, Lonely Hearts, Grown Ups, Here Comes the Boom, Bandidas, Savages

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, obviously in this case against Salma Hayek the prosecution has to put aside all lustful feelings we may have for the actress, as hard as that may be. Very, very hard. But one of the things we consider before bringing an actor or actress to court though is what have they have done for us (the moviegoers) lately. And Ms. Hayek hasn't not been at her best as of late.

If you've been to JoBlo.com long enough then you probably know that this site has a great love for Ms. Hayek but it is not just because of her looks that may Schmoes digg the actress. Most fans first fell for Ms. Hayek with her early work in Desperado or From Dusk Till Dawn but she soon started to receive notice from critics for being a "real" actress, peaking with an Oscar nomination for 2002's Frida.

Since then though the output from Ms. Hayek has been lacking and under whelming to be honest. Sure there was Once Upon a Time in Mexico but she was barely in it. Same goes for Across the Universe and to a certain extent Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant. Ms Hayek has had lead parts in recent films but the prosecution feels that movies such as Savages and Bandidas did not live up to their full potential. This would be fine if Ms. Hayek was a part of at least one really good movie every couple of years or played a recurring character in a major franchise. People love her, she act and she is so hot that this scene from Desperado probably actually happens to her at least three times a day.

Instead we get to see her in the upcoming Grown Ups 2 playing Adam Sandler's f*cking wife again. The only thing less believable or appealing was Here Comes the Boom with her love interest being Kevin James. It'd be one thing if those movies were particularly good but they're not.

Ms. Hayek hasn't been bad in most of these roles but these recent movies do not allow her to shine. She starred in some other under par films early in her career (Fled, Fools Rush In) but shouldn't she have moved up in the food chain at this point? The prosecution dares you to bring her age up as a reason why because...well have you looked at her?

In closing the prosecution deep down cares for Ms. Hayek and does not want to see things spiral downward for the actress. She needs some time to think about what to do next and maybe get into a playful pillow fight with one of her fellow inmates in the women's wing of Movie Jail.

Salma Hayek

The Defense: Desperado, From Dusk Till Dawn, 54, Dogma, Chain of Fools, Frida, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, Savages

Ladies and gentlemen, the defense thinks the prosecution is confused about Ms. Hayek's role in Hollywood. That is because her's is fairly unique. My client is indeed one of the most beautiful women in the world and she isn't just eye candy but more importantly Ms. Hayek has owned her beauty. She knows she's stunning yet isn't smug or shallow about it in real life so it does seem believable she could be with Adam Sandler or Kevin James. In film anyway.

While she did receive quite a bit of critical acclaim for Frida Ms. Hayek was never going to become the next Meryl Streep and I believe my client knows this. Frida was a passion project of sorts for the actress and she also personally helped get the film made. Without my client's involvement there's a good chance the film would not have happened. But it did because Ms. Hayek felt like Frida Kahlo's story was an important one to tell. She wasn't trying to force feed us political views, religion or her "brand" like many celebrities have done with personal projects.

Ms. Hayek can be a great lead but its her secondary roles that are almost most memorable, one of the reasons why she has had some small parts in films. Perfect example: Dogma. In another actresses' hands the character could have come off as slutty or naive/stupid yet we don't look at her as just another stripper because of Ms. Hayek's credibility as a person and as a performer.

So how is Ms. Hayek's position "unique"? Because she's not expected to be in films that will net her an Oscar nomination every year but we also know she's not going to constantly show up in multiple romantic comedies. Ms. Hayek does what she wants because she has can. She'll occasionally have a small part or appear in a bad movie but it never tarnishes her image, nor should it.

Maybe she's been in some unimpressive films lately but blame her agent, not my client. But Ms. Hayek's been in the game long enough that a few misses and some minor roles won't affect her future films or overall career. The defense believes in the jury and knows that they will do the right thing and make sure Salma Hayek never, ever has to be subjected to the dirty floors and beds of Movie Jail. Vote with your heart people.

Salma Hayek

IN CLOSING...

Is it time for Movie Jail for Salma Hayek? Are her recent films just a rough patch or is it a sign of things to come? Is the idea of her getting a cell at a women's prison with Halle Berry and Jessica Alba as bunkmates hot enough to get her thrown in to Movie Jail or is prison too harsh for such a beautiful flower? How many times will the prosecution's testosterone levels be joked about in the Strike Back? The important thing though is if Salma Hayek is GUILTY or NOT GUILTY.

COMMENT BELOW WITH YOUR VERDICT!

*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyways, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.

WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?

Salma Hayek

LAST WEEK'S VERDICT

Will Smith

Will Smith had a rough week on JoBlo.com besides his trial but the Fresh Prince should be pleased that the jury came to his defense and the actor has been found NOT GUILTY....of most charges. While there were quite a few "Aww hell no!" from the jury the voting ended up being very close. Many agreed that Mr. Smith has played it too safe with his film selections and some of this business with his son, After Earth and Django Unchained certainly didn't help his case. Mr. Smith is free to go but Movie Jail is keeping a close eye on the actor. If he's not careful it'll be "A Nightmare on My Street" for Big Willie.

PREVIOUS VERDICTS

GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr. , Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson

NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith

Extra Tidbit: Who should go on trial next week? Share your suggestions with your verdict!
Source: JoBlo.com

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8:40AM on 06/25/2013
How the f**k can some people vote for the Big Willy as NOT GUILTY and then vote for Salma as GUILTY. The world has gone mad.
How the f**k can some people vote for the Big Willy as NOT GUILTY and then vote for Salma as GUILTY. The world has gone mad.
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+0
2:41AM on 06/22/2013

Not Guilty!

You put those tits in jail and ill never forgive you...
You put those tits in jail and ill never forgive you...
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11:55PM on 06/19/2013
Not guilty!!
Not guilty!!
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7:14PM on 06/18/2013

Get Out of Jail Pass Card

Her movie career is like a roller [link] and sometimes in the middle. She wont really be considered a great actress like Meryl Streep, Liz Taylor, Katharine Hepburn, Ingrid Bergman, etc....if she was...she would be by now....She can be a very strong actress and give spark and energy. ...but she is out of place in comedies .
She is not guilty ...again she isnt among the all time greats. but she definitely doesnt need to be in Movie Jail.
Her movie career is like a roller [link] and sometimes in the middle. She wont really be considered a great actress like Meryl Streep, Liz Taylor, Katharine Hepburn, Ingrid Bergman, etc....if she was...she would be by now....She can be a very strong actress and give spark and energy. ...but she is out of place in comedies .
She is not guilty ...again she isnt among the all time greats. but she definitely doesnt need to be in Movie Jail.
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11:51AM on 06/18/2013

NOT GUILTY

Ridiculous that she is considered for movie jail.
Ridiculous that she is considered for movie jail.
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8:51AM on 06/18/2013

Not Guilty.

She deserves credit for making Wild Wild West tolerable in her scenes.
She deserves credit for making Wild Wild West tolerable in her scenes.
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2:43AM on 06/22/2013
The scene where her butt flap was hanging open is the highlight of that movie lol
The scene where her butt flap was hanging open is the highlight of that movie lol
12:32AM on 06/18/2013

Not relevant

This actress has NEVER been relevant enough to even contemplate if she's deserving of Movie Jail. She hasn't been a leading actress since Frida, about a decade ago. She's been in nothing but dog stool movies ever since. Being Adam Sandler's spouse in a movie, is like being Kevin James toilet seat. It's a joke. She's got some spunk, and some nice junk, but it will never amount to anything substantial in the realms of cinema, 50 years from now, I'm sure we are going to all be telling our
This actress has NEVER been relevant enough to even contemplate if she's deserving of Movie Jail. She hasn't been a leading actress since Frida, about a decade ago. She's been in nothing but dog stool movies ever since. Being Adam Sandler's spouse in a movie, is like being Kevin James toilet seat. It's a joke. She's got some spunk, and some nice junk, but it will never amount to anything substantial in the realms of cinema, 50 years from now, I'm sure we are going to all be telling our grandkids about how big her tits were, and how great she was in those hit comedies, Grown Ups 1 and 2!
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-1
10:31PM on 06/17/2013

GUILTY

To help my case, I'll use her friend and BANDIDAS (a decent flick thanks to the 2 leads) co-star Penlope Cruz. She also has a very thick accent. Yet, I still hear "Penlope Cruz has a new movie out. I'm sure she's good in it". Has any of you ever heard that about Salma? I haven't. People run to see her movies to see her body, which is sad. And it's sad that many of you defend her just for her looks. Haven't we discussed this enough times with other defendants (most recently Kate Hudson)? Being
To help my case, I'll use her friend and BANDIDAS (a decent flick thanks to the 2 leads) co-star Penlope Cruz. She also has a very thick accent. Yet, I still hear "Penlope Cruz has a new movie out. I'm sure she's good in it". Has any of you ever heard that about Salma? I haven't. People run to see her movies to see her body, which is sad. And it's sad that many of you defend her just for her looks. Haven't we discussed this enough times with other defendants (most recently Kate Hudson)? Being hot means sh*t in Movie Jail!

As a latino, I know how hard it is to find a variety of roles when you have such a thick accent. But that's not the issue. She knows that if she has enough ambition she can do something great (FRIDA). And I think she was alright playing the most Mexican of Mexicans in FOOLS RUSH IN, and playing the "rare" successful Latin businesswoman in UGLY "BETTY". And her performance as the typical cartel boss is one of the reasons why I didn't completely hate SAVAGES.

It's her fault that she's been typecasted because she clearly wants it that way. She even tends to exagerate her accent as much as possible because she's comfortable playing the Mexican who obviously didn't grow up in the U.S. The last time I saw her challenging herself was when she played a scientist in SPY KIDS 3! At least Sofa Vergara makes fun of the stereotypes in MODERN FAMILY. Salma portrays those stereotypes and ocassionally let others characters make boob jokes because she thinks that's acting.

By the way, I did not-not buy her as the love interest of Sandler (he played a successful Hollywood guy) and James (as a straight guy, I can say he's sexy fat with tons of charisma, and he played the only teacher in school who could make a difference).
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2:45AM on 06/22/2013
When Penelope sleeps over her house they sleep in the same bed, Salma said so. End of debate, not guilty
When Penelope sleeps over her house they sleep in the same bed, Salma said so. End of debate, not guilty
10:11PM on 06/17/2013

GUILTY

You guys are just being dumb with the way you forgive shitty movie after shitty movie because they made one move a long time ago that you remember as being pretty good. Not that it is the end all be all of movie reviews but you have to go back to 2003 (Once Upon a Time in Mexico) to find a non animated, non Spanish movie that Salma has been in that has a fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Quit forgiving good actors that have made nothing but turds lately.
You guys are just being dumb with the way you forgive shitty movie after shitty movie because they made one move a long time ago that you remember as being pretty good. Not that it is the end all be all of movie reviews but you have to go back to 2003 (Once Upon a Time in Mexico) to find a non animated, non Spanish movie that Salma has been in that has a fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Quit forgiving good actors that have made nothing but turds lately.
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9:49PM on 06/17/2013
where's moreno
where's moreno
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9:39PM on 06/17/2013

ok still say not guilty

Since my first post was about her hotness, I will base this one on her career. She was good in desperado & was the only good thing about savages & it was cool seeing her play the bad guy. Although Wild Wild West blew it was fun seeing her show her comedic chops. Bandidas was a fun lil movie & her & penelope were sexy in it. Her scene in From Dusk Till Dawn is movie heaven. Although she does seem out of place in the Grown Ups films or Here Comes THe Boom (which I liked avtually), she is just
Since my first post was about her hotness, I will base this one on her career. She was good in desperado & was the only good thing about savages & it was cool seeing her play the bad guy. Although Wild Wild West blew it was fun seeing her show her comedic chops. Bandidas was a fun lil movie & her & penelope were sexy in it. Her scene in From Dusk Till Dawn is movie heaven. Although she does seem out of place in the Grown Ups films or Here Comes THe Boom (which I liked avtually), she is just there to play the wife role & nothing more. We should not hold that against her.
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9:26PM on 06/17/2013

the defense

should also include her tits. but she's guilty otherwise.
should also include her tits. but she's guilty otherwise.
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8:14PM on 06/17/2013
This is getting ridiciulous ....the Non guilty movie stars are pile up...WTF...an actor's resume is a big weight on the balance of being in or out of Movie Jail.. but you also have to look at their current stage of their career..for example Will Smith has a good movie resume as a whole, but his last few choices havent been the greatest and jeez.. Paul Walker should be in Movie Jail for sure...after all if it wasnt for the FAST AND FURIOUS movies, he would clearly be in Movie Jail..
This is getting ridiciulous ....the Non guilty movie stars are pile up...WTF...an actor's resume is a big weight on the balance of being in or out of Movie Jail.. but you also have to look at their current stage of their career..for example Will Smith has a good movie resume as a whole, but his last few choices havent been the greatest and jeez.. Paul Walker should be in Movie Jail for sure...after all if it wasnt for the FAST AND FURIOUS movies, he would clearly be in Movie Jail..
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+6
6:38PM on 06/17/2013

Why bother?

The do-gooders here at JoBlo rarely find anyone guilty.
The do-gooders here at JoBlo rarely find anyone guilty.
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6:02PM on 06/17/2013
Dem tits...or as they're actually named: NOT and GUILTY.
Dem tits...or as they're actually named: NOT and GUILTY.
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5:55PM on 06/17/2013

Really?

I can't believe this conversation even exists. For fuck's sake, if Jennifer Aniston was determined to be Not Guilty, Ms. Hayek shouldn't even be considered a Person of Interest (well, maybe she would be, but for non-criminal reasons). Yeah, she's shown up for a few paychecks here and there, but even when she does, at least she's still interesting and has some spark and energy, even if the movie's a turd.

Hayek walks, as far as I'm concerned. Not Guilty.

As for another case, maybe he
I can't believe this conversation even exists. For fuck's sake, if Jennifer Aniston was determined to be Not Guilty, Ms. Hayek shouldn't even be considered a Person of Interest (well, maybe she would be, but for non-criminal reasons). Yeah, she's shown up for a few paychecks here and there, but even when she does, at least she's still interesting and has some spark and energy, even if the movie's a turd.

Hayek walks, as far as I'm concerned. Not Guilty.

As for another case, maybe he doesn't have enough credits to create a valid argument, but Michael Cera might be an interesting one.
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9:47AM on 06/18/2013
Oh yes...Cera must be on there.
Oh yes...Cera must be on there.
5:36PM on 06/17/2013

Guilty

Outside of Savages, it has been a long time since she was in something I liked, maybe we throw her in a cell with Jessica Alba and wait for magic to happen?
Outside of Savages, it has been a long time since she was in something I liked, maybe we throw her in a cell with Jessica Alba and wait for magic to happen?
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3:24PM on 06/17/2013

NOT GUILTY

She's so hot! But she also made the last few happy Madison films watchable( grown ups and here comes the boom) and thats no easy task. Well maybe not grown ups. That movie was terrible.
She's so hot! But she also made the last few happy Madison films watchable( grown ups and here comes the boom) and thats no easy task. Well maybe not grown ups. That movie was terrible.
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3:09PM on 06/17/2013

Not Guilty

Boobs!!!
Boobs!!!
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3:06PM on 06/17/2013

NOT GUILTY!!!

Salma gets a lifetime exemption for 'Desperado' alone, but also for 'Once Upon A Time In Mexico'...
Salma if you're reading this don't forget I'm always here for you boo. And I don't care what all these other clowns say I'll ALWAYS defend you ;-*
Salma gets a lifetime exemption for 'Desperado' alone, but also for 'Once Upon A Time In Mexico'...
Salma if you're reading this don't forget I'm always here for you boo. And I don't care what all these other clowns say I'll ALWAYS defend you ;-*
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1:59PM on 06/17/2013

not guilty

Although she has been in less than spectacular movies, I still enjoy her in them. She has made those movies better, and for that she should not be convicted. The same cannot be said of past defendants, their presence actually made bad movies worse...
Although she has been in less than spectacular movies, I still enjoy her in them. She has made those movies better, and for that she should not be convicted. The same cannot be said of past defendants, their presence actually made bad movies worse...
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1:54PM on 06/17/2013
Not Guilty. She's had a good career, despite bumps, and she is still a very appealing actress. I'd also add that Savages shouldn't be considered a negative in her repertoire. While not a great film, it was still good, and she was great in it. She really does do bad very well. Her presence makes any film she's in better, even the bad films. Haven't seen most of those bad films she's been in, but the ones I have seen, she's the best thing in them.
Not Guilty. She's had a good career, despite bumps, and she is still a very appealing actress. I'd also add that Savages shouldn't be considered a negative in her repertoire. While not a great film, it was still good, and she was great in it. She really does do bad very well. Her presence makes any film she's in better, even the bad films. Haven't seen most of those bad films she's been in, but the ones I have seen, she's the best thing in them.
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1:54PM on 06/17/2013

Not Guilty

I liked her in Savages so she's still doing good stuff to me.
I liked her in Savages so she's still doing good stuff to me.
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1:50PM on 06/17/2013

Not Guilty

I hate to use this argument, but if Will Smith gets a pass there's no way Salma Hayek shouldn't. Even if some of her movies aren't the best, at least she's down to earth about her choices. She's not choosing projects to boost her profile or to suit her own ego, she seems to be choosing roles that she enjoys playing. I would never knock an actor for that.
I hate to use this argument, but if Will Smith gets a pass there's no way Salma Hayek shouldn't. Even if some of her movies aren't the best, at least she's down to earth about her choices. She's not choosing projects to boost her profile or to suit her own ego, she seems to be choosing roles that she enjoys playing. I would never knock an actor for that.
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1:32PM on 06/17/2013

Not Guilty

Fine actress when given good roles and she is very beautiful.
Fine actress when given good roles and she is very beautiful.
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1:32PM on 06/17/2013

Hurm...

I haven't seen a film she's been in for years. Yet, she has awesome bewbs. I can't decide if acting is more important or her bewbs. Hurm...
I haven't seen a film she's been in for years. Yet, she has awesome bewbs. I can't decide if acting is more important or her bewbs. Hurm...
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1:20PM on 06/17/2013

Not guilty

She is a pretty solid actress when given a chance. Unfortunately those roles don't seem to be coming her way any longer. Still, she does have a decent resume that should keep her out of Movie Jail.
She is a pretty solid actress when given a chance. Unfortunately those roles don't seem to be coming her way any longer. Still, she does have a decent resume that should keep her out of Movie Jail.
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1:09PM on 06/17/2013

Guilty

Guilty.
Guilty.
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12:45PM on 06/17/2013
Look guys, I like tits just as much as the next guy. But just because a girl has a nice rack doesnt mean her movies are good. Most of the 'Not Guilty's' are making their decisions based on her lungs rather than her mediocre resume
Look guys, I like tits just as much as the next guy. But just because a girl has a nice rack doesnt mean her movies are good. Most of the 'Not Guilty's' are making their decisions based on her lungs rather than her mediocre resume
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+2
12:07PM on 06/17/2013

Guilty

She only makes crap these days. Put her in movie jail to shoot a remake of Chained Heat, please.
She only makes crap these days. Put her in movie jail to shoot a remake of Chained Heat, please.
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11:21AM on 06/17/2013

Movie Jail

Guilty as Charged
Guilty as Charged
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11:20AM on 06/17/2013

Not guilty

For two very big, very obvious reasons.
For two very big, very obvious reasons.
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11:01AM on 06/17/2013

Not Guilty

EVER.
EVER.
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10:45AM on 06/17/2013

Are you serious? NOT GUILTY

What in God's name made y"all wanna put up Salma Hayek & her fine ass for movie jail this week? Me thinks it has to do with the 2 Grown Ups films.
What in God's name made y"all wanna put up Salma Hayek & her fine ass for movie jail this week? Me thinks it has to do with the 2 Grown Ups films.
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10:38AM on 06/17/2013
Not Guilty. I mean really people. Prosecute the entire rest of the Grown-Ups cast first. Till then every movie ever is improved by her presence. And in fact she should be in every movie ever.

And what the f*** are you doing counting 'Bandidas' in the prosecution? Its PG-13 and better than most porn!

FFS, her just walking down the street in Desperado is my generation's Marilyn Monroe skirt blowing up. She's a sex symbol who can also deliver a powerhouse performance every now and
Not Guilty. I mean really people. Prosecute the entire rest of the Grown-Ups cast first. Till then every movie ever is improved by her presence. And in fact she should be in every movie ever.

And what the f*** are you doing counting 'Bandidas' in the prosecution? Its PG-13 and better than most porn!

FFS, her just walking down the street in Desperado is my generation's Marilyn Monroe skirt blowing up. She's a sex symbol who can also deliver a powerhouse performance every now and then. Rare combo.
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10:37AM on 06/17/2013

Unguilty

She's only guilty of having awesome boobs.
She's only guilty of having awesome boobs.
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10:34AM on 06/17/2013

Not Guilty

Just because she has the best rack in the biz and those bad boys shouldn't be locked up.
Just because she has the best rack in the biz and those bad boys shouldn't be locked up.
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+2
10:22AM on 06/17/2013

Not Guilty

While it's true that she's "just not trying anymore", I hardly think she's deserving of this kind of punishment. Her early work stands up so well, even the prosecution defends it in their opening arguments.
While it's true that she's "just not trying anymore", I hardly think she's deserving of this kind of punishment. Her early work stands up so well, even the prosecution defends it in their opening arguments.
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10:00AM on 06/17/2013

Not Guilty

she's not a great actress, but really her movie roles and choices are limited not by her fault. And you cannot claim that any of the bad movies she did were bad because of her. She is an everyman fantasy, an absolute beauty who seems to get the role of the hot wife to the fat ugly guy (Sandler, Kevin James). The fact that she gives the average guy the ultimate fantasy shows her value in film and should keep her out of jail an demployed.
she's not a great actress, but really her movie roles and choices are limited not by her fault. And you cannot claim that any of the bad movies she did were bad because of her. She is an everyman fantasy, an absolute beauty who seems to get the role of the hot wife to the fat ugly guy (Sandler, Kevin James). The fact that she gives the average guy the ultimate fantasy shows her value in film and should keep her out of jail an demployed.
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-1
9:54AM on 06/17/2013

Guilty

She stopped trying since Frida if she really was trying before that. She didn't make it easy for you to defend her, Jesse.
She stopped trying since Frida if she really was trying before that. She didn't make it easy for you to defend her, Jesse.
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9:46AM on 06/17/2013

Not Guilty

She's still a decent actress but for as long as I draw breath, she isn't going to any movie jail simply for how HOT she is. And if she does, I'm breaking her out so she can reward me with incredible sex. Normally looks wouldn't enter my mind during judgement but Salma is a massive exception since she was one of few who got me through puberty.
She's still a decent actress but for as long as I draw breath, she isn't going to any movie jail simply for how HOT she is. And if she does, I'm breaking her out so she can reward me with incredible sex. Normally looks wouldn't enter my mind during judgement but Salma is a massive exception since she was one of few who got me through puberty.
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9:44AM on 06/17/2013

Not Guilty By Reason Of a Billionaire Husband

She started dating the French billionaire she's now married to back in '06/'07. Around that time, the size of her film roles shrunk. I now think she only does fun parts that don't require too much of her time, because she obviously doesn't need the money and probably enjoys being retired and a mother 90% of the time.
She started dating the French billionaire she's now married to back in '06/'07. Around that time, the size of her film roles shrunk. I now think she only does fun parts that don't require too much of her time, because she obviously doesn't need the money and probably enjoys being retired and a mother 90% of the time.
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9:39AM on 06/17/2013

Not Guilty

But man it pisses me off that she plays Butthole Sandler's wife in TWO stupid movies.
But man it pisses me off that she plays Butthole Sandler's wife in TWO stupid movies.
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9:30AM on 06/17/2013

Not Guilty due to (o)(o)

I hate to say it but Salma Hayek is not guilty by reason of the fact that more often then not she is meant to be the eye candy in each movie. When ever you see her cast there is at least a good 90% chance you are gonna see those incredible tits of hers. The minute you see them they make guys, babies, and even some lesbians happy. This happiness allows people to often over look the failings of some movies as long as they see the goods. That's why she is not guilty. In terms of being the eye
I hate to say it but Salma Hayek is not guilty by reason of the fact that more often then not she is meant to be the eye candy in each movie. When ever you see her cast there is at least a good 90% chance you are gonna see those incredible tits of hers. The minute you see them they make guys, babies, and even some lesbians happy. This happiness allows people to often over look the failings of some movies as long as they see the goods. That's why she is not guilty. In terms of being the eye candy that makes underwear feel two sizes too short she definitely lives up to that role perfectly. Its sadly a bitter fact though that in some cases she just ends up picking the wrong movies. I say get her back into some Robert Rodrigues movies and she will be back in good standing as long as its not spy kids.
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+1
9:29AM on 06/17/2013

Not Guilty

I never understand when someone says a certain character (because we know that off screen they look hot as hell or have played roles in other movies where they were hot as hell) cannot have a romance with a normal looking person in another movie. I just saw Here Comes the Boom the other day - enjoyed the movie a lot and Salma's performance was very cute. She's an attractive women in the movie but isn't presented as the hot as hell beauty that I witnessed for the first time in From Dusk Till
I never understand when someone says a certain character (because we know that off screen they look hot as hell or have played roles in other movies where they were hot as hell) cannot have a romance with a normal looking person in another movie. I just saw Here Comes the Boom the other day - enjoyed the movie a lot and Salma's performance was very cute. She's an attractive women in the movie but isn't presented as the hot as hell beauty that I witnessed for the first time in From Dusk Till Dawn. Get those kind of images outta of your head and just watch the movie you're currently watching - she's playing a very cute role in Here Comes the Boom and I don't see a problem with her falling for a good hearted and witty guy like she does...and c'mon, it's not like Kevin James is an "ugly" guy.
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9:17AM on 06/17/2013

Not Guilty

You forgot to mention her best acting role to date: her lead in the milk commercials! I'm kidding, so to any hardcore Hayek fans please don't assault me. I will have to say not guilty though. She may not have been in a great deal of films but I can't think of anything that she has been bad in.
You forgot to mention her best acting role to date: her lead in the milk commercials! I'm kidding, so to any hardcore Hayek fans please don't assault me. I will have to say not guilty though. She may not have been in a great deal of films but I can't think of anything that she has been bad in.
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9:12AM on 06/17/2013

Not Guilty

Meaty roles for actresses are tough to get a hold of if your name isn't Meryl Streep, and Salma's clearly taking a few paycheques here and there, and it's true that she does make a big impact in secondary roles. And she manages to shine even in crap projects, which speaks volumes about her talent and charisma.

I suspect most people will be voting with something other than their hearts, Defense. ;)
Meaty roles for actresses are tough to get a hold of if your name isn't Meryl Streep, and Salma's clearly taking a few paycheques here and there, and it's true that she does make a big impact in secondary roles. And she manages to shine even in crap projects, which speaks volumes about her talent and charisma.

I suspect most people will be voting with something other than their hearts, Defense. ;)
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8:58AM on 06/17/2013

Not Guilty

The sexiest scene of all time (FDTD) gets her freedom for life. Even in shit movies she isn't annoying. Plus, just look at those titties!!
The sexiest scene of all time (FDTD) gets her freedom for life. Even in shit movies she isn't annoying. Plus, just look at those titties!!
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8:45AM on 06/17/2013

Guilty

She's been in the business too long to not have a 'break out' role.

Nice to see Will Smith is not guilty. It seems the only reason he was on here was because he didn't do Django Unchained and made a critical and financial bomb instead and fanboys were ready to hang him simply because he told QT no. The Movie Jail and C'mon Hollywood columns and even the summary of charges in this article can't go without referencing Django Unchained.
She's been in the business too long to not have a 'break out' role.

Nice to see Will Smith is not guilty. It seems the only reason he was on here was because he didn't do Django Unchained and made a critical and financial bomb instead and fanboys were ready to hang him simply because he told QT no. The Movie Jail and C'mon Hollywood columns and even the summary of charges in this article can't go without referencing Django Unchained.
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8:44AM on 06/17/2013

Not guilty.

Sure, she's cashed a lot of checks, but rather critically, I wouldn't blame her for her bad movies. Fact remains, she's still Salma Hayek, she's still stunning, and she's still pretty charismatic to boot.
Sure, she's cashed a lot of checks, but rather critically, I wouldn't blame her for her bad movies. Fact remains, she's still Salma Hayek, she's still stunning, and she's still pretty charismatic to boot.
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8:03AM on 06/17/2013

guilty

She cant act worth a fuck.
She cant act worth a fuck.
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8:01AM on 06/17/2013

Smith walks, so his, apparently, his shit talks

Will Smith was found not guilty. That's too bad. But, some would say that a "star" with an ego so much greater than his talent represents our age. We can always hope that he dies in a planecrash. Or, that his family dies in one first so that good ol' Will has some years of living hell. Undoubtedly, after the tragedy, the fuck-up would come up with some self-promoting, irritating, cutesy art based on previous art that Smith unscrupulously bastardizes. When it comes to selling out, Smith is
Will Smith was found not guilty. That's too bad. But, some would say that a "star" with an ego so much greater than his talent represents our age. We can always hope that he dies in a planecrash. Or, that his family dies in one first so that good ol' Will has some years of living hell. Undoubtedly, after the tragedy, the fuck-up would come up with some self-promoting, irritating, cutesy art based on previous art that Smith unscrupulously bastardizes. When it comes to selling out, Smith is always being a piggy with it.
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9:03AM on 06/17/2013
What the fuck are you on about?
What the fuck are you on about?
10:17AM on 06/17/2013
Dude, lighten up.
Dude, lighten up.
11:55AM on 06/17/2013
so you wish death upon a person and his family because they weren't put in a fictionalized jail.... Whatever buddy, someone needs real friends.
so you wish death upon a person and his family because they weren't put in a fictionalized jail.... Whatever buddy, someone needs real friends.
6:37AM on 06/18/2013
What disturbs me more is that two people out there *like* this status.
What disturbs me more is that two people out there *like* this status.
8:01AM on 06/17/2013
Not guilty. She ends up being typecast but she's not a horrible actress, not by any stretch of the imagination. I'm sure falling in with the Sandler gang has given her a pretty paycheck or two, and it's not like her entire career consists of those kinds of films. I think she does awesome work with Antonio Banderas, even when it was just their voices in Puss in Boots. And of course, her performance as Frida Kahlo in Frida.
Not guilty. She ends up being typecast but she's not a horrible actress, not by any stretch of the imagination. I'm sure falling in with the Sandler gang has given her a pretty paycheck or two, and it's not like her entire career consists of those kinds of films. I think she does awesome work with Antonio Banderas, even when it was just their voices in Puss in Boots. And of course, her performance as Frida Kahlo in Frida.
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7:30AM on 06/17/2013
Guilty. Her hotness can't save her from this.
Guilty. Her hotness can't save her from this.
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7:17AM on 06/17/2013
Not guilty
Not guilty
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+17
6:56AM on 06/17/2013

JoBlo's Gal

I believe she has a lifetime get-out-of-jail card as JoBlo's number one superbabe ? Not Guilty
I believe she has a lifetime get-out-of-jail card as JoBlo's number one superbabe ? Not Guilty
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