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Netflix viewers have watched 500 million hours worth of Adam Sandler content

04.18.2017

Okay people, I think it's about time that we all sit down and have a little fireside chat about the amount of Adam Sandler content you're willingly inviting into your life. Usually, I'm all for the mindset of "to each their own" and all of that, but in this case, it's obvious that you can no longer be trusted with what you watch in your own free time. I'll have more to say on this matter in just a moment, though perhaps we should get to the heart of why you've all clicked on this here article.

For a while now, some film buffs (and even the more casual movie goer) have been scratching their heads as to why Netflix keeps inking deals for more Adam Sandler-related content. The answer to this question is quite simple really. According to Netflix's quarterly shareholder letter, the company said that its members have "spent more than a half a billion hours watching Sandler's films on the premiere streaming service." And before you ask, no, this is not a misprint. So go ahead, drink in the harsh reality of that number, and choke on its bitter flavor as it flows down the wrong pipe, causing you to sputter and cough until you see stars.

Have you seen THE RIDICULOUS 6, THE DO-OVER, or TRUE MEMOIRS OF AN INTERNATIONAL ASSASSIN? You have? Well then, congratulations, you're a part of the problem! Ha ha ha! Of course, I'm writing large swaths of this article purely in jest ... sort of. When looking deeper into the belly of this beast, one would assume that the 500 million plus total is also accounting for passable to genuinely good Sandler films like the HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA series or one of the comedian's earlier romps such as BILLY MADISON, BIG DADDY, or HAPPY GILMORE. If so, this means that that subscribers are watching an estimated average of 62 million hours per Sandler film. At about 90 minutes each, that means each one has been viewed, on average, over 41 million times!

Look, I'm not here to tell you watch to watch or how many times to subject yourself to a particular brand of entertainment, but this 500 million hours business is the reason we can't have nice things. As someone who positively adores "awfully good" cinema, I too am guilty of partaking in a complete and total cinematic shitfest from time to time, but even I have to draw the line somewhere. I suppose what I'm saying here is that you only get one chance at playing the game of life, and when you contribute to over 500 million hours worth of Adam Sandler content, you're willfully living your darkest timeline. If you or someone you know watches too many Adam Sandler movies on Netflix, it might be time for an intervention. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'. 

Also, I'm just over here having fun while bringing you this news. If you love Adam Sandler movies, all the power to you and please, enjoy yourself. And hey, if you're totally cool with participating in the manifestation and opening of the seventh circle of Hell on Earth, you can check out Sandler's newest Netflix film, SANDY WEXLER, right now.
 

Extra Tidbit: Adam Sandler must be stopped!
Source: Screencrush

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