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New Vampires Suck clip and posters make it look really really really bad

08.02.2010

From the untalented hacks who wrote/directed DATE MOVIE, EPIC MOVIE, MEET THE SPARTANS and DISASTER MOVIE comes VAMPIRES SUCK! Sigh. Remember how "spoof flicks" would only be made every few years when originality and humor were actually important to creating them? (think Zuckers brothers and stuff like AIRPLANE, TOP SECRET and NAKED GUN) Nowadays we've got two fools named Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer being given good money to come up with 75-minute flicks featuring as many "movie references" as possible, but without the originality, edginess or humor. The latest fur ball opens on August 18th and below is the first clip from the film and its two shitty posters...

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3:36AM on 08/04/2010
well this can't be THAT bad unless it's written and directed by those two pieces of shit that direc... oh it is. nevermind. it will be THAT bad.
well this can't be THAT bad unless it's written and directed by those two pieces of shit that direc... oh it is. nevermind. it will be THAT bad.
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11:51PM on 08/02/2010
These movies are like illegal drugs. The real problem isn't that they exist, it's that there's a market for them. As long as there are morons out there who will buy tickets to these steaming turds, Hollywood will still make them. Just say no!
These movies are like illegal drugs. The real problem isn't that they exist, it's that there's a market for them. As long as there are morons out there who will buy tickets to these steaming turds, Hollywood will still make them. Just say no!
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12:49AM on 08/03/2010
even without the ticket sales they'd go direct to dvd and make a killing.
even without the ticket sales they'd go direct to dvd and make a killing.
6:49PM on 08/02/2010

Obligatory Red Bar

For news like this.
For news like this.
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6:06PM on 08/02/2010

fucking horrible

I can't believe this shit gets made. Whats worse is that teenagers dig this shit. Just go find your local teenage girl or boy whos a slut/tool and they like it.
I can't believe this shit gets made. Whats worse is that teenagers dig this shit. Just go find your local teenage girl or boy whos a slut/tool and they like it.
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6:03PM on 08/02/2010
I don't know what I hate more: Twilight series or a film made by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer.
I don't know what I hate more: Twilight series or a film made by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer.
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+3
3:38PM on 08/02/2010

Ugh...

In parody movies like The Naked Gun and Airplane, the jokes drove the plot forward. In these movies, the jokes are in there for the sake of nothing. They're also not funny.
In parody movies like The Naked Gun and Airplane, the jokes drove the plot forward. In these movies, the jokes are in there for the sake of nothing. They're also not funny.
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2:32PM on 08/02/2010
Calling Friedberg and Seltzer untalented hacks is an insult to REAL untalented hacks like Uwe Boll, Michael Bay, Roland Emmerich and Eli Roth.
Calling Friedberg and Seltzer untalented hacks is an insult to REAL untalented hacks like Uwe Boll, Michael Bay, Roland Emmerich and Eli Roth.
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-20
12:05PM on 08/02/2010
Spoof movies are meant to be bad. They take sometimes several different movies weak points, and then poke fun at them. They're not going to win any awards, and they wouldn't be a good spoof if they did. I'm just waiting for "reboot movie". lol
Spoof movies are meant to be bad. They take sometimes several different movies weak points, and then poke fun at them. They're not going to win any awards, and they wouldn't be a good spoof if they did. I'm just waiting for "reboot movie". lol
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2:09PM on 08/02/2010
That's bull. Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles, Kentucky Fried Movie, Airplane are all considered cinematic masterpieces.
That's bull. Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles, Kentucky Fried Movie, Airplane are all considered cinematic masterpieces.
6:00PM on 08/02/2010
That's because you keep accepting shitty spoof movies as the standard. Go back and watch Space Balls, Airplane, Naked Gun, they are great. Hell even Hot Shots 1 and 2 blow any spoof movie today out of the water.
That's because you keep accepting shitty spoof movies as the standard. Go back and watch Space Balls, Airplane, Naked Gun, they are great. Hell even Hot Shots 1 and 2 blow any spoof movie today out of the water.
11:59AM on 08/02/2010

What really confuses me...

...is why the fuck Lady Gaga and Tim Burton's Alice are included in this. These movies haven't even DONE that well in the past few years, so it boggles the mind that they keep getting made.
...is why the fuck Lady Gaga and Tim Burton's Alice are included in this. These movies haven't even DONE that well in the past few years, so it boggles the mind that they keep getting made.
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11:30AM on 08/02/2010

PARODY FAIL

It looks just as bad as the franchise it's supposed to make fun of. Which is really, REALLY bad.
It looks just as bad as the franchise it's supposed to make fun of. Which is really, REALLY bad.
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11:30AM on 08/02/2010

Awww

but VAMPIRES SUCK is soooo clever though....: hollywood makes me sick
but VAMPIRES SUCK is soooo clever though....: hollywood makes me sick
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+20
11:08AM on 08/02/2010
So you're telling me Bond films are put on the back burner, MGM can't get their shit together, The Hobbit is stuck between a rock and a hard place, Edward Norton can't be the Hulk

AND THIS SHIT GETS GREENLIT????
So you're telling me Bond films are put on the back burner, MGM can't get their shit together, The Hobbit is stuck between a rock and a hard place, Edward Norton can't be the Hulk

AND THIS SHIT GETS GREENLIT????
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10:35AM on 08/02/2010
To quote the Nostalgia Critc "Fuckity, fuck, fuck. This is shit".
To quote the Nostalgia Critc "Fuckity, fuck, fuck. This is shit".
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10:26AM on 08/02/2010
Nooooooooooo!
Nooooooooooo!
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-3
10:23AM on 08/02/2010

its already on the net

morbid curiosity got the best of me. i literally watched it in 15 minutes, just skimmed through. it's awful, but the main chick is cuter than Kristen Stewart, and at the very least (and i mean very least) the production value looks a lot better than all their other garbage movies. still, brutally terrible shit
morbid curiosity got the best of me. i literally watched it in 15 minutes, just skimmed through. it's awful, but the main chick is cuter than Kristen Stewart, and at the very least (and i mean very least) the production value looks a lot better than all their other garbage movies. still, brutally terrible shit
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9:30AM on 08/02/2010
Wow, who made this SHIT.
Wow, who made this SHIT.
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8:58AM on 08/02/2010
I dont think it looks that bad
I dont think it looks that bad
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6:02PM on 08/02/2010
FAIL
FAIL
8:55AM on 08/02/2010
I got a better idea. Get the cast and crew of vampires suck do photoshoot only inside a massive tank full of desperately hungry piranha. Then save the video for promoing for piranha 3d. We get a bunch of suck heads all killed and a great promo for another movie. Bonus!
I got a better idea. Get the cast and crew of vampires suck do photoshoot only inside a massive tank full of desperately hungry piranha. Then save the video for promoing for piranha 3d. We get a bunch of suck heads all killed and a great promo for another movie. Bonus!
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8:42AM on 08/02/2010

I don't see how

anyone can be ambitious about making it in film when studios apparently have less and less an idea of what ability is. I seriously want to know: how do two such unfunny people make it this far?
anyone can be ambitious about making it in film when studios apparently have less and less an idea of what ability is. I seriously want to know: how do two such unfunny people make it this far?
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+11
8:27AM on 08/02/2010

I hate the 'From the guys...' taglines

why not just say what we're all thinking...

'From the guys who can't make a credible movie'
why not just say what we're all thinking...

'From the guys who can't make a credible movie'
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7:50AM on 08/02/2010
Yep, looks like a complete, time-wasting piece of crap.
Yep, looks like a complete, time-wasting piece of crap.
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6:08AM on 08/02/2010
You know it's bad when they have to stop and explain every joke to you before continuing on.
You know it's bad when they have to stop and explain every joke to you before continuing on.
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4:53AM on 08/02/2010
Everyone pitch in a buck or two and we can hire a "friend" to have a nice conversation with these jackasses involving a bat and knee caps
Everyone pitch in a buck or two and we can hire a "friend" to have a nice conversation with these jackasses involving a bat and knee caps
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3:59AM on 08/02/2010

If you are a movie fan, DO NOT SUPPORT

I didn't think these idiots could stoop any lower, but I was wrong. There is nothing remotely clever about this garbage.
I didn't think these idiots could stoop any lower, but I was wrong. There is nothing remotely clever about this garbage.
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+13
3:32AM on 08/02/2010
I'd rather sit through all the Twilight movies than watch this pile of horseshit. There, I said it. I hate the Twilight flicks with a passion, but even those are better than these sorry excuses for movies. Someone should make a movie called "Movie Movie"...where they literally swear and curse for two hours at the people who continue to churn crap like this out.
I'd rather sit through all the Twilight movies than watch this pile of horseshit. There, I said it. I hate the Twilight flicks with a passion, but even those are better than these sorry excuses for movies. Someone should make a movie called "Movie Movie"...where they literally swear and curse for two hours at the people who continue to churn crap like this out.
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2:32AM on 08/02/2010
Oh trust me, it's as bad as it looks and then some.
Oh trust me, it's as bad as it looks and then some.
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2:14AM on 08/02/2010
the only part they got right from the actual 'saga' is the epic headaches it seems to cause upon watching
the only part they got right from the actual 'saga' is the epic headaches it seems to cause upon watching
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2:10AM on 08/02/2010
Man, I was hope these guy's careers were dead since we didn't see a movie from them for a whole year.
Man, I was hope these guy's careers were dead since we didn't see a movie from them for a whole year.
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1:16AM on 08/02/2010

Some sagas just won't die.

The poster couldn't have had a more perfect tagline.
The poster couldn't have had a more perfect tagline.
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12:56AM on 08/02/2010

Seen It...

I saw this movie already and it wasn't all that bad. It wasn't as good as the first two Scary Movies, but it's A LOT better than everything since then.
I saw this movie already and it wasn't all that bad. It wasn't as good as the first two Scary Movies, but it's A LOT better than everything since then.
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12:44AM on 08/02/2010
and this is a surprise to you
and this is a surprise to you
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12:49AM on 08/02/2010
Nope... ;)
Nope... ;)
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