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Review: Piranha 3DD

Jun. 1, 2012by: Chris Bumbray

PLOT: The mutated, man-eating piranhas are back, and this time- they're munching on the visitors to a water-park owned by Chet (David Koechner), and his step-daughter Maddy (Danielle Panabaker).

REVIEW: Welcome to rock bottom. So says David Hasselhoff towards the end of PIRANHA 3DD, and boy- he wasn't kidding. I was thinking the same thing to myself the second this movie started.

The Alexandre Aja PIRANHA film was probably a lot better than it ever should have been, but against all odds it worked, and worked well. It was a fast-paced, hilarious, gory summer treat- and obviously the Weinsteins wanted to cash-in on the goodwill left by it for a sequel. But, instead of getting back Aja, or the two leads (Adam Scott and Elizabeth Shue) that played a big part in the film working as well as it did, they've gone the bargain basement route with a film that should have never gotten a theatrical release.


Something tells me this must have been intended as DTV, as it's one of the cheapest-looking films I've seen hit theatres in a while. Ok, I know- it's a film about man-eating piranhas, how slick is it supposed to be? Fair enough- but this barely even qualifies as a film. It has an ugly, low-budget look, the amusement park setting is hopelessly boring next to the beachfront action in the last film, the 3D is so badly conceived that certain scenes will give you migraine inducing double vision, etc- the list goes on and on.

The one area where PIRANHA 3DD should have worked is the cast, which isn't half-bad for a movie like this, and while Panabaker, and Matt Bush (who stars in the much better HIGH SCHOOL- also opening this weekend) are game- the script isn't, and they get nothing to do. The cameos by Gary Busey, and David Hasselhoff, the latter of which should have been good for some easy laughs, come off as desperate rather than fun, and even a guy like David Koechner, who's a funny guy- is left with nothing to do. Only Ving Rhames, who shows up in the last twenty minutes or so, manages to inject a little life into the film- but even he's not enough.


Maybe the problem is that the tone changes from scene-to-scene. At times, it seems to want to be taken as a straight horror film (complete with the traditional nightmare/wake-up-screaming scene), but when it gets to the comedy it's so dumb it's like something out of a Friedberg/Seltzer movie. Even when we get to the climatic bloodbath (which was epic in Aja's film), it's on autopilot- and boring.

If you're seriously thinking of spending 15 bucks on this, please, take my advice and give this a pass. It's just awful- and sure, there's some T&A, but even that (which is sleazy here, rather than fun as it was in the last film) doesn't make this worth watching. Even the sight of Katrina Bowden in a bikini can't save this, and that's saying a lot!

Source: JoBlo.com

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10:26AM on 06/04/2012

Worst Movie of the Year(?)

I actively sought out this movie, since I am a sucker for limited-release films, and boy was that a mistake. Of the 31 theatrically released films I have seen so far this year, this is now easily the worst one of the bunch and hopefully of the year as I shudder to think there could be anything worse.

Whereas the first film (the remake) was an actual movie done by professional filmmakers, "Piranha 3DD" is a....thing, maybe some kind of performance art or something but it is most definitely
I actively sought out this movie, since I am a sucker for limited-release films, and boy was that a mistake. Of the 31 theatrically released films I have seen so far this year, this is now easily the worst one of the bunch and hopefully of the year as I shudder to think there could be anything worse.

Whereas the first film (the remake) was an actual movie done by professional filmmakers, "Piranha 3DD" is a....thing, maybe some kind of performance art or something but it is most definitely not a movie. It is disgusting, annoying and does not contain a single thought in its incredibly brief (but not brief enough) running time.
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8:02PM on 06/03/2012
The first film was one of the dumbest things I've ever wasted money on. Why the hell would I give this thing one cent? I knew better. Shame on those that were fooled.
The first film was one of the dumbest things I've ever wasted money on. Why the hell would I give this thing one cent? I knew better. Shame on those that were fooled.
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6:23AM on 06/04/2012
You didn't even like the nude underwater ballet scene?
You didn't even like the nude underwater ballet scene?
2:36PM on 06/02/2012

This makes me happy

Ill admit i never thought i would enjoy the first one but it wasnt bad but then i sa the trailer for this piece of garbage and i knew it would be bad. Looks like i was right. Whats funny is seing that this movie was on a bunch of peoples top 10 2012 lists haha
Ill admit i never thought i would enjoy the first one but it wasnt bad but then i sa the trailer for this piece of garbage and i knew it would be bad. Looks like i was right. Whats funny is seing that this movie was on a bunch of peoples top 10 2012 lists haha
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1:16PM on 06/02/2012
i usually disagree with mr. Bumbray but holy hell i wish i had listen to him, besides some of the nudity here nothing was even remotely good not even the gore was good.
i usually disagree with mr. Bumbray but holy hell i wish i had listen to him, besides some of the nudity here nothing was even remotely good not even the gore was good.
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11:54AM on 06/02/2012

AMEN BUMBRAY!

I loved the first film and I just felt incredibly cheated by this movie! While I liked it a TAD more than you, I'd give it a 3/10...mostly for Panabaker being charming (PUT HER IN A BETTER MOVIE) and Bowden having that one great line). Fuck Piranha 3DD
I loved the first film and I just felt incredibly cheated by this movie! While I liked it a TAD more than you, I'd give it a 3/10...mostly for Panabaker being charming (PUT HER IN A BETTER MOVIE) and Bowden having that one great line). Fuck Piranha 3DD
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+4
9:49AM on 06/02/2012
Well you can't expect much from Jon Gulager, who after creating the decent Feast made two horrible, horrible sequels starring his dad and his wife.
Well you can't expect much from Jon Gulager, who after creating the decent Feast made two horrible, horrible sequels starring his dad and his wife.
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+12
9:22AM on 06/02/2012

1 on 10!!!!

You liked it more than I did. Am just pissed I gotta go waste more time to write about it... what a piece of shit...
You liked it more than I did. Am just pissed I gotta go waste more time to write about it... what a piece of shit...
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6:27AM on 06/04/2012
Agreed, this movie was pure torture from start to finish. The decapitation scene was one of the worst killing sequences in a horror movie ever.
Agreed, this movie was pure torture from start to finish. The decapitation scene was one of the worst killing sequences in a horror movie ever.
4:39AM on 06/02/2012
Just watch. The director of PIRANHA 3DD will be the next James Cameron.
Just watch. The director of PIRANHA 3DD will be the next James Cameron.
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2:04AM on 06/02/2012

Hella Stupid...

But hella fun. I enjoyed it.
But hella fun. I enjoyed it.
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1:46AM on 06/02/2012
Loved Aja's flick. Played the material largely straight with professional cinematography, suspense, world-class gore effects, action, and plenty of genuinely likable characters. Making all the cheesy and exploitive elements of the movie (from Christopher Lloyd to Gianna Michaels) all the more enjoyable.

Aja knows how to make a movie.

Jon Gulager has made exactly one good movie, which was a horror-comedy, not horror. And it was made while people who know how to make movies (Wes Craven,
Loved Aja's flick. Played the material largely straight with professional cinematography, suspense, world-class gore effects, action, and plenty of genuinely likable characters. Making all the cheesy and exploitive elements of the movie (from Christopher Lloyd to Gianna Michaels) all the more enjoyable.

Aja knows how to make a movie.

Jon Gulager has made exactly one good movie, which was a horror-comedy, not horror. And it was made while people who know how to make movies (Wes Craven, Matt Damon, Ben Affleck) were holding his hand and breathing down his neck every step of the way. We have the tapes to prove it. That movie was followed by two shitty sequels. Alexandre Aja he ain't. So my hopes for this movie were already in the basement.

This is going straight to the 'wait for the Rifftrax' pile.
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1:36AM on 06/02/2012

Come on, Chris!

Don't hold back! Tell us how you really feel! :)
Don't hold back! Tell us how you really feel! :)
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10:02PM on 06/01/2012

Eh?

A 1/10 is a little harsh, C Bumb. Was the movie a piece of garbage? Absolutely. But it had one or two moments that rise it up a few stars. Bowden's line alone puts me at a 3/10.
A 1/10 is a little harsh, C Bumb. Was the movie a piece of garbage? Absolutely. But it had one or two moments that rise it up a few stars. Bowden's line alone puts me at a 3/10.
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8:04PM on 06/01/2012
I like boobs, and gore can be cool at times but I never understood why the combination of both was anything anyone would ever want to see. I'm glad this movie is getting bad reviews just so that this sleazy sub-genre of horror can die.
I like boobs, and gore can be cool at times but I never understood why the combination of both was anything anyone would ever want to see. I'm glad this movie is getting bad reviews just so that this sleazy sub-genre of horror can die.
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7:12PM on 06/01/2012
Just another example of Hollywood giving as what they think we wanted in the sequel(tits and gore) and forgetting about the stuff that made the original work(apart from the tit and gore)
Just another example of Hollywood giving as what they think we wanted in the sequel(tits and gore) and forgetting about the stuff that made the original work(apart from the tit and gore)
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