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Review: Scary Movie 5

Apr. 12, 2013by: Chris Bumbray

PLOT: Spoofing the movie MAMA, a young couple, Dan (Simon Rex) and Jody (Ashley Tisdale), gets custody of Dan's late brother's kids, who are haunted by a ghostly spectre.

REVIEW: Every once in a while a movie comes along that's just jaw-dropping in it's badness. I've reviewed a few of them here; movies like PASSION PLAY, ALL ABOUT STEVE, TWIXT, NEW YEAR'S EVE, etc. Just when I thought I'd seen the worst of them comes SCARY MOVIE 5 (or rather Scary MoVie), a film that's so bad that to give it a score of zero on ten seems inadequate. Negative points would be more appropriate.

This- the fifth installment in what has to be one of the worst franchises of all time- is even worse than the last one, which at least had Anna Faris in it, who can usually wring a laugh out of even the worst material. Instead of Faris, we get Ashley Tisdale of the HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL series who, in the merciful short 75 minute running time, spoofs Natalie Portman in BLACK SWAN, Jessica Chastain in MAMA, Katie Featherston in PARANORMAL ACTIVITY and more. Even if it had been Faris instead of Tisdale, I'm pretty sure this wouldn't be any better, as the material is so atrocious that it's incredible to think the same people who wrote this were involved with THE NAKED GUN & AIRPLANE.

It's so sad to see how low David Zucker has fallen, who- along with his brother Jerry and Jim Abrahams, made up the ZAZ team, and produced some of the funniest films of the eighties and early-nineties. When I was growing up, these guys (along with Leslie Nielsen) were like gods to me. To this day, whenever I'm feeling really down in the dumps, I throw on my Blu-ray of AIRPLANE and laugh myself silly. It works every single time. But SCARY MOVIE 5, yeeeesh! Even Malcolm Lee, the director, has made a decent movie or two (I kinda liked UNDERCOVER BROTHER). I have no idea what got into him here, and it's seems unfathomable to me that anyone involved was trying to make a movie that was even halfway decent. All they do here is try to spoof as many recent movies as possible (even the EVIL DEAD remake that just opened last week), but- duh, they forgot to come up with any decent gags to make fun of them with. Imagine an obnoxious person poking you in the ribs every two minutes and whispering Black Swan, Inception, ooooh Fifty Shades of Grey, yay- Honey Boo-Boo and you have an idea of what sitting through this is like.

How bad is it? SCARY MOVIE 5 is so bad that the two best performances in the film come from Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan, and they're both out of the movie within five minutes. I'm not saying they're good in it. They're awful. It just so happens their level of awfulness is slightly above anyone else unfortunate enough to be part of the cast. When you find yourself wishing there was more Lindsay Lohan in a movie, you know it's bad. SCARY MOVIE 5 is so bad that a DJ spinning a pizza instead of a record is what passes for a sight gag. Or a woman having sex with a microwave. It's all narrated by a Morgan Freeman impersonator who's sounds so much like him I honestly think Freeman should sue, lest anyone think he'd actually work on a film this bad.

Truly, this is one of the absolute worst films I've ever seen. I have no idea who the intended audience is, and even the group at the free screening that I saw this with seemed to think this was awful, with only the same two or three people laughing throughout. It's so unbelievably bad, that I'm tempted to think maybe this is just a practical joke by the filmmakers trying to see just had bad they can possibly make a movie, while still getting a full-on theatrical release. The joke's on anyone unfortunate enough to pay money to see this. Do yourself a big favor and skip it, even if you happen to love the other four. Even by those impossibly low standards this is terrible.

Source: JoBlo.com

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4:36AM on 04/12/2013
There are so many screenwriters out there trying to get their scripts out, but they are being ignored for crap like this.
There are so many screenwriters out there trying to get their scripts out, but they are being ignored for crap like this.
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3:16AM on 04/12/2013
Sequels like Serenity 2, Dredd 2 or Hellboy 3 are not going to get made, but Scary Movie 5, oh yeah!

And you know what is the saddest thing? This shit is probably going to make more money on a box office than, say, Dredd.
Sequels like Serenity 2, Dredd 2 or Hellboy 3 are not going to get made, but Scary Movie 5, oh yeah!

And you know what is the saddest thing? This shit is probably going to make more money on a box office than, say, Dredd.
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6:22AM on 04/12/2013
I hope this garbage bombs HARD at the box-office and buries a few careers in the process as well.
I hope this garbage bombs HARD at the box-office and buries a few careers in the process as well.
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6:41AM on 04/12/2013
Yeh, like Charlie Sheen, and Lindsay Lohan?
Yeh, like Charlie Sheen, and Lindsay Lohan?
+19
5:59AM on 04/12/2013
Wow. 0/10? This is probably so bad that it doesn't deserve a spot on Awfully Good column.
Wow. 0/10? This is probably so bad that it doesn't deserve a spot on Awfully Good column.
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12:14AM on 04/12/2013
i hope no one sees this movie. the spoof movie genre has been killed to death. give it a rest for a while
i hope no one sees this movie. the spoof movie genre has been killed to death. give it a rest for a while
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8:03AM on 04/12/2013

Kill it with fire

That is all.
That is all.
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+17
2:24AM on 04/12/2013
Kinda sad the spoof genre is getting a bad wrap now because of these movies, there was a time when they were always hilarious like Top Secret, Airplane, Naked Gun, Hot Shots & yes even the first Scary Movie.
Kinda sad the spoof genre is getting a bad wrap now because of these movies, there was a time when they were always hilarious like Top Secret, Airplane, Naked Gun, Hot Shots & yes even the first Scary Movie.
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12:41AM on 04/12/2013

story on the worst reviewed then?

As noted below how about a story on the 1's and 0's in the history of joblo?
As noted below how about a story on the 1's and 0's in the history of joblo?
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8:44AM on 04/12/2013
I loved this review.
Give 'em hell Chris!
I loved this review.
Give 'em hell Chris!
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+16
1:03AM on 04/12/2013

Thanks for taking the bullet on this Chris.

blehh
blehh
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+15
11:14AM on 04/12/2013
I bet "The Soloist" is going to see this movie. i knew it was a bad thing when i jeard they were making a 5th film.
I bet "The Soloist" is going to see this movie. i knew it was a bad thing when i jeard they were making a 5th film.
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11:15AM on 04/12/2013
heard not "jeard"
heard not "jeard"
+15
7:10AM on 04/12/2013
0 . now that's funny!
0 . now that's funny!
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+15
12:12AM on 04/12/2013
In all the time I have come to this site, I have never, once, seen a 0. Have you guys ever given a film a 0? I think even Twixt and Passion Play had SOMETHING. There was very, very little doubt this would be a stinker. After Scary Movie 2, the franchise dropped off my radar, along with every other Movie made. So, then, could this be considered one of the worst films of all time?
In all the time I have come to this site, I have never, once, seen a 0. Have you guys ever given a film a 0? I think even Twixt and Passion Play had SOMETHING. There was very, very little doubt this would be a stinker. After Scary Movie 2, the franchise dropped off my radar, along with every other Movie made. So, then, could this be considered one of the worst films of all time?
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12:18AM on 04/12/2013
I wasnt sure myself, so I checked it out and there have only been 3 others before this one, and all three came from Chris as well: AWAKE in 2007, THE CLONE WARS in 2008 and THE DEVIL INSIDE in 2012. We have eleven 1/10s... :)
I wasnt sure myself, so I checked it out and there have only been 3 others before this one, and all three came from Chris as well: AWAKE in 2007, THE CLONE WARS in 2008 and THE DEVIL INSIDE in 2012. We have eleven 1/10s... :)
2:03AM on 04/12/2013
my score of the franchise (im bored tonight so why not?): 3 > 1 > 4 > 2 (sorry i depised 2) and well...i guess 5 at the end?
my score of the franchise (im bored tonight so why not?): 3 > 1 > 4 > 2 (sorry i depised 2) and well...i guess 5 at the end?
2:03AM on 04/12/2013
my score of the franchise (im bored tonight so why not?): 3 > 1 > 4 > 2 (sorry i depised 2) and well...i guess 5 at the end?
my score of the franchise (im bored tonight so why not?): 3 > 1 > 4 > 2 (sorry i depised 2) and well...i guess 5 at the end?
3:30PM on 04/12/2013
Wow I've never seen a 0 out of 10 on here before
Wow I've never seen a 0 out of 10 on here before
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+11
12:02PM on 04/12/2013

Yikes

First time seeing a 0/10 Joblo review. People will still see it out of ignorance or curiosity.
First time seeing a 0/10 Joblo review. People will still see it out of ignorance or curiosity.
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+11
4:26AM on 04/12/2013
this turd will open around 20 million and before months end part 6 will be green lit.
this turd will open around 20 million and before months end part 6 will be green lit.
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9:58AM on 04/12/2013
Lmfao!.... I spit my drink on my computer screen when I scrolled down and saw the "0/10." That is the funniest shit ever. And from the sound of your review, it's probably the only laugh this movie will get. This series needs to be ended.
Lmfao!.... I spit my drink on my computer screen when I scrolled down and saw the "0/10." That is the funniest shit ever. And from the sound of your review, it's probably the only laugh this movie will get. This series needs to be ended.
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7:42AM on 04/12/2013
Hahaha...great review.
Hahaha...great review.
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+8
10:04AM on 04/12/2013

Good spoof!!!

I just wanted to remind ppl who are saying that there hasn't been a good spoof since airplane, etc. that Walk Hard is an incredible fairly recent spoof
I just wanted to remind ppl who are saying that there hasn't been a good spoof since airplane, etc. that Walk Hard is an incredible fairly recent spoof
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3:02PM on 04/12/2013

chances of this being good

more like 0 out of 10
so you're saying there's a chance...........I read ya
more like 0 out of 10
so you're saying there's a chance...........I read ya
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9:35AM on 04/12/2013
Great reviw, but unfortunately I guarantee this movie will make money at the box office and we'll be greeted with Scary Movie 6 before too long
Great reviw, but unfortunately I guarantee this movie will make money at the box office and we'll be greeted with Scary Movie 6 before too long
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1:33AM on 04/12/2013
I really want to see scary movie 5

Said nobody ever!!
I really want to see scary movie 5

Said nobody ever!!
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12:22AM on 04/12/2013

None of them were particularly great, BUT...

...this one, just judging from the trailers, lack of Faris, etc., really looked beyond awful. It resembled one of those Epic Movie type spoofs (knockoffs of Scary Movie) rather than an actual Scary Movie sequel. I'm shocked, perhaps a little appalled even, that the guy behind Airplane and Naked Gun helped produce and write this monstrosity. A far fall from grace.
...this one, just judging from the trailers, lack of Faris, etc., really looked beyond awful. It resembled one of those Epic Movie type spoofs (knockoffs of Scary Movie) rather than an actual Scary Movie sequel. I'm shocked, perhaps a little appalled even, that the guy behind Airplane and Naked Gun helped produce and write this monstrosity. A far fall from grace.
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12:31AM on 04/12/2013
where did we need another installment of Scary Movie?? Hasnt anybody got a clue that, there hasnt been a good spoof movie since Naked Gun, Airplane and Hot Shots...What made these spoof movies any good, was there was a clear and focused plot and the jokes and social references made sense to the story that was going on.
where did we need another installment of Scary Movie?? Hasnt anybody got a clue that, there hasnt been a good spoof movie since Naked Gun, Airplane and Hot Shots...What made these spoof movies any good, was there was a clear and focused plot and the jokes and social references made sense to the story that was going on.
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10:05AM on 04/12/2013
Walk hard was an excellent spoof
Walk hard was an excellent spoof
3:53PM on 04/12/2013
Sooo, you're saying there's going to be a Scary Movie 6?!
Sooo, you're saying there's going to be a Scary Movie 6?!
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1:14AM on 04/12/2013
AAHAHAHAHAHAHAA FUCKING AMAZING
AAHAHAHAHAHAHAA FUCKING AMAZING
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+4
12:11PM on 04/14/2013

It was Baaaaaaad, Reeeeeeeealy Bad!

I only considered watching this film to please a 15year old and was shocked!
Every scene either had sexual or violent content - this included a high level of violence towards children, involving children in sexual innuendos and there were at least to scenes where a mother kissed her son sexually and another where a woman kissed a man again sexually saying that he reminded her of her father....the film left me feeling sick that anyone could find this crap entertaining. Big waste of time and
I only considered watching this film to please a 15year old and was shocked!
Every scene either had sexual or violent content - this included a high level of violence towards children, involving children in sexual innuendos and there were at least to scenes where a mother kissed her son sexually and another where a woman kissed a man again sexually saying that he reminded her of her father....the film left me feeling sick that anyone could find this crap entertaining. Big waste of time and waste of money! Definitely deserves a minus score lets say -10 out of 10!
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9:54AM on 04/14/2013

First 0 out of 10 since Devil Inside

Last time I saw you give a 0 out of 10 was the Devil Inside and that was horrible. Maybe this was the nuclear bomb north koreas been trying to send to us.
Last time I saw you give a 0 out of 10 was the Devil Inside and that was horrible. Maybe this was the nuclear bomb north koreas been trying to send to us.
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2:41PM on 04/12/2013
Great review. When they make crap movies like this they should just hire struggling actors and get them some work/money, because not even Ben Affleck, Sandra Bullock, Meryl Streep, and Harrison Ford would be able to make a movie like this work. And the audience is unsuspecting people who don't read reviews.
Great review. When they make crap movies like this they should just hire struggling actors and get them some work/money, because not even Ben Affleck, Sandra Bullock, Meryl Streep, and Harrison Ford would be able to make a movie like this work. And the audience is unsuspecting people who don't read reviews.
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+3
1:29PM on 04/12/2013

Wow

ugh....I suck
ugh....I suck
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1:21PM on 04/12/2013

Wow, I totally didn't see this coming...

Except for that I did because this movie looks like a shit. And even that's a compliment because I'd probably rather stare at a porcelain bowl and find emoticon shapes in a poop. Stop with these movies. Please.
Except for that I did because this movie looks like a shit. And even that's a compliment because I'd probably rather stare at a porcelain bowl and find emoticon shapes in a poop. Stop with these movies. Please.
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3:29PM on 04/14/2013

WHY!?

I actually loved the third movie...but seriously, the humour is really immature and really, really tacky in these movies. I didn't even bother watching the 4th (or maybe I did...I may have blocked it out of my memory...) and I will likely not bother seeing this one either, and likely wont unless Im really stoned. Even then, Id rather watch anything else. At least the third one had Charlie Sheen, Leslie Neilson, George Carlin and Anna Faris to carry some of the jokes. They should have just given
I actually loved the third movie...but seriously, the humour is really immature and really, really tacky in these movies. I didn't even bother watching the 4th (or maybe I did...I may have blocked it out of my memory...) and I will likely not bother seeing this one either, and likely wont unless Im really stoned. Even then, Id rather watch anything else. At least the third one had Charlie Sheen, Leslie Neilson, George Carlin and Anna Faris to carry some of the jokes. They should have just given up after that.
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5:31AM on 04/14/2013

You know what...

I don't think Chris liked this movie as much he led on.

Seriously though this is a great "bad movie" review, and possibly the only good thing to happen as a result of this movies existence.
I don't think Chris liked this movie as much he led on.

Seriously though this is a great "bad movie" review, and possibly the only good thing to happen as a result of this movies existence.
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5:39PM on 04/13/2013
I don't like it any more than the rest of you, but there's a reason why these films get sequels even when the suck, and better movies like Dredd don't. They're shot on the cheap, and it's easy to make your money back. A movie that only makes 25 million might seem like a flop, but not to the investors who made it for 15 million. These horrible movies will come to an end, when people stop seeing them. Let's hope Scary Movie 5 is the final nail in the coffin, but I doubt it.
I don't like it any more than the rest of you, but there's a reason why these films get sequels even when the suck, and better movies like Dredd don't. They're shot on the cheap, and it's easy to make your money back. A movie that only makes 25 million might seem like a flop, but not to the investors who made it for 15 million. These horrible movies will come to an end, when people stop seeing them. Let's hope Scary Movie 5 is the final nail in the coffin, but I doubt it.
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2:11AM on 04/12/2013
My feeling is that after Movie 43, spoof movies could never be done again. Granted the Friedburg/Seltzer movies have all but killed the genre. But Movie 43's use of genuine name actors doing really a terrible spoof pretty much was like the antichrist of the genre, it equally brought something not really seen before as well as be so terrible it literally sank a genre indefinitely without any chance of a revival. A movie like Scary Movie V is like throwing salt on a corpse, it's harmless and
My feeling is that after Movie 43, spoof movies could never be done again. Granted the Friedburg/Seltzer movies have all but killed the genre. But Movie 43's use of genuine name actors doing really a terrible spoof pretty much was like the antichrist of the genre, it equally brought something not really seen before as well as be so terrible it literally sank a genre indefinitely without any chance of a revival. A movie like Scary Movie V is like throwing salt on a corpse, it's harmless and no one cares because it's dead.
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2:02AM on 04/12/2013

just what i thought

it does look atrocious but i will be honest: I can watch Scary Movie 3 whenever. I seriously love that movie. "My wife broke her weiner?" gets me everytime! But ya...no thanks on this one.
it does look atrocious but i will be honest: I can watch Scary Movie 3 whenever. I seriously love that movie. "My wife broke her weiner?" gets me everytime! But ya...no thanks on this one.
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+1
11:40AM on 04/13/2013

Called it

Knew it would bomb as soon as i saw the horrible Honey Boo-Boo impersonation in the trailer. Some of these guys can kiss their careers goodbye.
Knew it would bomb as soon as i saw the horrible Honey Boo-Boo impersonation in the trailer. Some of these guys can kiss their careers goodbye.
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10:04AM on 04/13/2013
I had a conversation yesterday with someone in their early 20s. They told me the only reason why they like the Scary Movie films is because there was nothing like it before. I almost had a heart attack! i told them about Airplane and the Naked Gun movies and they never herd of them!
THAT IS THE DEMOGRAPHIC FOR THIS MOVIE! people too young to have seen the classics. They really need to have a classic film class in school now-a-days to educate kids so garbage like this stops getting made.
I had a conversation yesterday with someone in their early 20s. They told me the only reason why they like the Scary Movie films is because there was nothing like it before. I almost had a heart attack! i told them about Airplane and the Naked Gun movies and they never herd of them!
THAT IS THE DEMOGRAPHIC FOR THIS MOVIE! people too young to have seen the classics. They really need to have a classic film class in school now-a-days to educate kids so garbage like this stops getting made.
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2:34PM on 04/12/2013

Kill it with fire

This franchise has been just god awful since the wayans bros were forced out ! You know yesterday a kid in class actually told me he was going to see this during the weekend with friends i asked him if they were going to laugh at how awful ? He told me no they genuinely like these movies. That was the most shocking thing i`ve heard in ages i guess there`s no accounting for taste
This franchise has been just god awful since the wayans bros were forced out ! You know yesterday a kid in class actually told me he was going to see this during the weekend with friends i asked him if they were going to laugh at how awful ? He told me no they genuinely like these movies. That was the most shocking thing i`ve heard in ages i guess there`s no accounting for taste
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+1
1:27PM on 04/12/2013

Wow

I probably laughed more reading this review than I would during the run-time of the movie. Good Job.
I probably laughed more reading this review than I would during the run-time of the movie. Good Job.
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11:44AM on 04/12/2013
I never found this franchise even remotely funny. It's like it strains so hard to be funny, that its asshole turned inside out. This won't get any of my money, just like the last ones, and any of those other dumb spoof movies they make.
I never found this franchise even remotely funny. It's like it strains so hard to be funny, that its asshole turned inside out. This won't get any of my money, just like the last ones, and any of those other dumb spoof movies they make.
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11:55AM on 04/12/2013
the last 2 films werent good, the second has it moments, at least the first one was the funny one of this franchise.
the last 2 films werent good, the second has it moments, at least the first one was the funny one of this franchise.
8:30AM on 04/14/2013
You know what the worst thing is? This is a highlight of Charlie Sheens "comeback".
You know what the worst thing is? This is a highlight of Charlie Sheens "comeback".
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+0
12:18PM on 04/13/2013
when , I mean WHEN , are these horrible friggin' wastes of Film going to end ???
when , I mean WHEN , are these horrible friggin' wastes of Film going to end ???
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9:46AM on 04/13/2013

What a waste of time and money.

Does anyone know how to make a good spoof anymore?!
Does anyone know how to make a good spoof anymore?!
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+0
7:51PM on 04/12/2013

Yesssssssss

Chris we love you mannnnnnnn 0 to a 0 well reviewed
Chris we love you mannnnnnnn 0 to a 0 well reviewed
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-1
2:09PM on 04/12/2013
Simon Rex enough said
Simon Rex enough said
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5:33PM on 04/13/2013
But I love me some Dirt Nasty.
But I love me some Dirt Nasty.
-1
1:28PM on 04/12/2013

Wow

ugh...double post
ugh...double post
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9:45PM on 04/13/2013

No Offense

But I bet half the people on here who are hating on this movie all loved Borat, Bruno, The Dictator and JackAss! I hated every one of those movies and found very little humor in them, but to each their own....
But I bet half the people on here who are hating on this movie all loved Borat, Bruno, The Dictator and JackAss! I hated every one of those movies and found very little humor in them, but to each their own....
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12:03AM on 04/14/2013
Obviously then half the people in here then think you have horrible taste, but that's hardly worth being offended by. So, none taken.
Obviously then half the people in here then think you have horrible taste, but that's hardly worth being offended by. So, none taken.
8:33PM on 04/13/2013

This is the best review ever

I'm drunk and I skipped over the first half of it, but this review had me dying laughing. It's just funny how Chris describes the awfulness of the movie. Almost makes me wanna see it.
I'm drunk and I skipped over the first half of it, but this review had me dying laughing. It's just funny how Chris describes the awfulness of the movie. Almost makes me wanna see it.
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-4
3:53AM on 04/13/2013
i loved it.
i loved it.
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2:17AM on 04/12/2013

I could of easily...

told you this and saved you time from. A. seeing this fucking piece of shit film and B. saving your ass for writing a review :0
told you this and saved you time from. A. seeing this fucking piece of shit film and B. saving your ass for writing a review :0
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