Review: The Heartbreak Kid

Just
to preface, the movie at hand is the currently untitled
Farrelly brothers’ film (from the guys who made THERE’S
SOMETHING ABOUT MARY and DUMB AND DUMBER), which is a remake of the
1972 movie THE HEARTBREAK KID. The movie stars Ben Stiller and
Michelle Monaghan, with its current release date being set at
October 5, 2007.

PLOT:

After
rushing into a marriage with the “woman of his dreams,”
Eddie Cantrow (Ben Stiller) quickly realizes the mistake he’s made
when his new wife turns out to be a complete psycho-bitch (and
during their honeymoon in Mexico no less). Meanwhile, he finds
himself falling for another woman (Michelle Monaghan) who’s staying
at the same resort, only further complicating his already perplexing
situation.

REVIEW:
If you
asked me seven years ago what I thought of the Farrelly brothers, I
would’ve told you that I was a major fan. If you had asked me that
same question moments before seeing this movie, I would’ve told you
to leave me alone because I was busy preparing myself for sitting
through another probable shitfest. Yes, it seemed likely that, after
suffering through many a mediocre comedy from them (OSMOSIS JONES,
SHALLOW HAL, FEVER PITCH), the once hilarious directing duo would
probably never return to their riotous roots. But lo and behold, a
movie that brings hope. Not greatness, mind you. Just hope…
Wonderful, gratuitous, sex-filled, R-rated hope.

There
are two ingredients that make this film work as well as it does, and
neither of them involves Ben Stiller (who, while good, is still
bordering that line between annoying and likable). No, the two
things that make this work are its wonderful lead actresses, Malin
Akerman and Michelle Monaghan. You might remember Akerman as the
super-hot wife of Freakshow in the movie HAROLD & KUMAR GO TO
WHITE CASTLE. She was the one who showed her tits. (Yeah, now
you remember.) Well good news, boys and, er, other boys – the
lovely lady once again shows the goods, and at one point, even drops
her panties to give you an eyeful of something more (although it’s
not quite as pleasant as it sounds).

But
as good of news as that may be, the even better news (depending on
your priorities) is that Akerman is as great an actress as she is
hot. I haven’t seen someone play crazy this well since Isla Fisher
starred as that redheaded nutcase in WEDDING CRASHERS. Just about
all the movie’s laugh-out-loud moments come courtesy of her. And
seeing as how it’s her hilarious antics that are going to help this
film sell, I can guarantee the theatrical trailer will consist
almost entirely of Ben Stiller’s new wife annoying the crap out of
him. Prepare to see many a clip of Mrs. Psycho incessantly singing
off-key to the car radio. (Thankfully, due to its content, the
movie’s most hilarious sequence is one they’ll never show in the
trailer. I’ll give you a hint… It involves Stiller’s new wife
being shockingly experienced in the sack. Upon the film’s release,
expect the line “Cock me!” to be embedded in the minds of
teen boys everywhere.)

As
I mentioned earlier, the next great piece of the puzzle is Michelle
Monaghan (the babe from KISS KISS BANG BANG and MI:III). In another
actress’s hands, Stiller’s scenes with this character probably would
have come off as awkward and forced. But with Monaghan as the
movie’s leading female presence (that isn’t a psychopath, that is),
the movie ends up working surprisingly well as a romantic comedy.
Not too romantic, of course, but enough to show a sweeter and more
pleasant side to all the crazy antics with Stiller’s loony of a
wife.

The
only thing that puts a damper on these scenes is Monaghan’s
character’s family. They were just not funny, and worse yet, they
were annoying. I especially disliked the Christian redneck cousin,
whose entire purpose is served simply by acting like an asshole
towards Stiller’s character (at one point even taking a baseball bat
to him). I also could’ve done without those obnoxious twin boys (who
show up repeatedly, and for no reason). I honestly don’t understand
how anybody could think these people would make interesting or funny
characters. Hopefully their scenes get shortened down for the final
cut.

Saving
the best character for last, there’s Carlos Mencia in a minor role
as a hotel employee (with a penchant for saying, “Screw off,
I’m joking!” after every dumb comment he makes). And before you
get the wrong idea here, allow me to stress just how sarcastic I was
being with that “saving the best for last” bit… This guy
SUCKS! I’m not one of those people to write off Mencia as a
thief/idiot without giving him a chance. I watched at least three to
four episodes of MIND OF MENCIA before not being able to stand it
anymore. Here, he plays nothing more than one of the stock
characters you might see in a skit off his show. That’s not too
surprising, however, as he only knows how to act out three
character-types – those being, annoying Mexican, annoying fat
person, and annoying retard. Guess which one his character
“Uncle Tito” is…? That’s right. All three.

The
other hindrances to the film involve some major problems with
pacing, as well as a disappointingly unfunny final half hour. With
some extensive cuts in editing, the pacing can still probably be
saved. The movie ran at about two hours long, with the beginning
taking a little too long to get going, and then the end just being
altogether lousy.

Seeing
as how this was a test screening, I think we can be rest
assured that some scenes will be cut, but I highly doubt they’ll be
able to save the movie’s third act. The whole thing is just utterly
ridiculous and laugh-free, with Ben Stiller making attempt after
attempt to sneak back from Mexico (where his honeymoon was taking
place) into the US. It doesn’t help matters that both Akerman and
Monaghan are absent from this point in the movie. The entire section
feels like nothing more than build-up to the one final joke at the
film’s end, which was a scene that literally made most of the
audience groan (and caused one person to shout, “That ending
sucks!“). Hopefully that closing gag makes it on the DVD as
an alternate ending, and they instead opt to conclude the film with
something of a little more substance (or, at least humor that
induces laughs, and not eyes rolling in the back of heads).

Even
though the movie has its fair share of problems, it does have enough
laughs to make it worth your while. It doesn’t even come close to
being on par with THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY, but it’s certainly
better than some of the other stuff that Stiller and the Farrelly’s
have been doing recently. If nothing else, it makes for a solid
matinee showing with your friends. And if you have a lady friend who
doesn’t mind a bit of gross-out humor and sex jokes, it actually
makes for a rather decent date movie as well. Just don’t blame if
she ends up dumping you after the credits roll.

6
out of 10
— by Quigles