Selma has lessons

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the god damn phone. The Gods of fortune didn’t have time to rain down gifts on all of us today (too busy raining down on stupid Ben), so the movie Gods stepped in to the lurch. Selma Blair is about to sign up to play a sarcastic lesbian high-school teacher who is having an affair with a student. Not my words. And not like I could have come up with them either. If you brought Shakespeare and Steinbeck back from the dead and granted them eternal life I doubt that even they would ever muster a more beautiful sentence than that. Max Thieriot, Bow Wow, Evan Ross, Chi McBride and Gabrielle Anwar have all signed on to star in the indie black comedy that is called DRIVING LESSONS but might as well be called DON’T WORRY THE SALMA SCENE IS COMING. I guess there’s someone in there to get you excited about this flick. It’s probably not Bow Wow. Not like you haven’t already decided to see this thing, but in case you’re a stickler for information, here’s the plot:

Thieriot will play the religious, right-wing teenage son of Bunnie (Hope Davis), a woman given a second chance at her unhappy marriage to Jack (Dermot Mulroney) after losing her memory. It conveniently helps her forget an interracial affair with her burly next-door neighbor Simon (McBride).

I’m not sure where a promiscuous lesbian teacher fits in there but the most important thing is like I give a shit. There was absolutely no reason for it, but I did feel the only thing missing from LORD OF THE RINGS was a promiscuous lesbian played by Selma Blair. Did I just make up that ‘promiscuous’ bit? I believe I did.