Latest Movie News Headlines

This trailer for Vampires Suck might suck out your will to live

Jul. 7, 2010by: Niki Stephens

While most have a good laugh at TWILIGHT parodies, there is no excuse for this unfunny trailer for VAMPIRES SUCK.

This is from "the guys who didn't want to sit through another vampire movie", which is funny because those guys made movies that I don't want to sit through like DATE MOVIE, DISASTER MOVIE, and EPIC MOVIE. Maybe they can suck each other. All puns intended.

Okay, so maybe you are over the vampire trend, but this isn't going to stop it. All this does is add another pile of crap to the crapfest that is Summer movies of 2010. This one comes at you right before school starts back up on August 18th.

A lot of money must of wrangled Ken Jeong into this project. Plus, the acting in these films is WAY worse than any TWILIGHT movie. Holy crap, did I just give the "acting" in those films a bit of credit? DAMN YOU TO HELL VAMPIRES SUCK!

Watch this if you dare...

The closest I want to get to VAMPIRES SUCK is this shirt that Sarah Michelle Gellar once wore.
Extra Tidbit: Films like this make me long to watch anything from Uwe Boll.
Source: JoBlo.com

MORE FUN FROM AROUND THE WEB

Strikeback
Not registered? Sign-up!
Or

8:51PM on 07/08/2010

hahahahahahaha...

this would totally suck is i didn't dislike the franchise. but the trailer is enough for me.
this would totally suck is i didn't dislike the franchise. but the trailer is enough for me.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
-1
4:52PM on 07/08/2010

Why do people go to watch this crap!

So, I am a big fan of satirical and spoof comedies and for a second thought that it might be an interesting idea based on the popularity of Twilight. Everything went south when I saw the title card "From the guys who didn't want to sit through another vampire movie". I, unfortunately, sat through 10 minutes of Disaster Movie before I couldn't take anymore. What's sad about this, and there's plenty to be sad about, is that they could have just spoofed vampire movies. Why is Lady
So, I am a big fan of satirical and spoof comedies and for a second thought that it might be an interesting idea based on the popularity of Twilight. Everything went south when I saw the title card "From the guys who didn't want to sit through another vampire movie". I, unfortunately, sat through 10 minutes of Disaster Movie before I couldn't take anymore. What's sad about this, and there's plenty to be sad about, is that they could have just spoofed vampire movies. Why is Lady Gaga-impersonator in this movie? Take Interview with the Vampire, Bram Stoker's Dracula, Daybreakers, Blade, Twilight and Buffy the Vampire Slayer and spoof those only and I'll go see it.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
2:47PM on 07/08/2010

Too late

The "SuckCut" already sucks your will to live according to Garth. ;)
The "SuckCut" already sucks your will to live according to Garth. ;)
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
1:56PM on 07/08/2010

like i said before

it's a funny movie much funnier than "disaster movie" and "meet the spartans" which were so un-funny but this time they kind of redemed themselves.Also you shouldn't be judging the movie of it's trailer cause there were lots of funnier stuff that isn't shown and it's only 1 hr and 16 mins long.Also this year i judged lots of movies on their sucky trailers and i actually enjoyed those movies like "kick-ass","the karate kid",and "the lovely bones" so see the movie before judging it cause who
it's a funny movie much funnier than "disaster movie" and "meet the spartans" which were so un-funny but this time they kind of redemed themselves.Also you shouldn't be judging the movie of it's trailer cause there were lots of funnier stuff that isn't shown and it's only 1 hr and 16 mins long.Also this year i judged lots of movies on their sucky trailers and i actually enjoyed those movies like "kick-ass","the karate kid",and "the lovely bones" so see the movie before judging it cause who knows you might actually enjoy it,hopefully i'll fell the same about "inception" cause i still think it looks like a lame movie but it might actually aurprise me hopefully.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
1:49PM on 07/08/2010
the only people that are seeing this movie are going to be Twilight fans. So they will get a lot of money, thus creating more sucky movies...
the only people that are seeing this movie are going to be Twilight fans. So they will get a lot of money, thus creating more sucky movies...
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
10:39AM on 07/08/2010
I literally passed out while watching this trailer.
I literally passed out while watching this trailer.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
8:16AM on 07/08/2010

JUST WHY

seriously why do they keep making these terrible terrible not comedy movies. They aren't successful films, they pointless pop culture references that has NOTHING...NOTHING!!!!! to do with the overall story. I thought they would have learned their lesson by now after disaster movie came out and failed miserably. I hate how these movies make money....if your gonna release these god awful crap flicks, save the embarrassment and just go straight to DVD. I rather watch all 3 twilights while having a
seriously why do they keep making these terrible terrible not comedy movies. They aren't successful films, they pointless pop culture references that has NOTHING...NOTHING!!!!! to do with the overall story. I thought they would have learned their lesson by now after disaster movie came out and failed miserably. I hate how these movies make money....if your gonna release these god awful crap flicks, save the embarrassment and just go straight to DVD. I rather watch all 3 twilights while having a ball-pin hammer smashing my hands and balls. GAWD I hate these guys, they are a mockery to comedic directors. I hope this tanks more than Jonah Hex, I want it to fail SO BAD that FOX GETS THE F@*KING HINT THAT WE DON'T WANT THESE STUPID AND POINTLESS FILMS!!!!!
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
+0
6:40AM on 07/08/2010
Like their other shit parodies before this, it'll make money, and they'll continue making them! Apparently Joe popcorn loves this shit?!
Like their other shit parodies before this, it'll make money, and they'll continue making them! Apparently Joe popcorn loves this shit?!
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
4:44AM on 07/08/2010
Does it amaze anyone that some people will go and pay to see this movie,just a thought.
Does it amaze anyone that some people will go and pay to see this movie,just a thought.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
3:16AM on 07/08/2010

That hurt...

I'm in physical pain after watching that trailer. I've spent 3 1/2 years as a film studies major, and this makes me reconsider every dime I've spent...
I'm in physical pain after watching that trailer. I've spent 3 1/2 years as a film studies major, and this makes me reconsider every dime I've spent...
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
3:12AM on 07/08/2010

WTF

wow, this just looks like another pathetic twilight pardoy from youtube. And some of them are actually funnier than this mindless crap!
ugh...
wow, this just looks like another pathetic twilight pardoy from youtube. And some of them are actually funnier than this mindless crap!
ugh...
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
2:27AM on 07/08/2010

HOW? Really how?

I don't understand who pays for this. I just know the idiots that write (I use the term as loosely as Diarrhea) this are laughing all the way to the bank. This is so beyond embarrassing, It makes me sick as a movie dude.
I don't understand who pays for this. I just know the idiots that write (I use the term as loosely as Diarrhea) this are laughing all the way to the bank. This is so beyond embarrassing, It makes me sick as a movie dude.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
+2
12:57AM on 07/08/2010
(Throws both arms in the air) DONE!!!!!!
(Throws both arms in the air) DONE!!!!!!
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
12:38AM on 07/08/2010
from the guys who couldn't sit through another vampire movie comes ANOTHER vampire movie . . . at least inception is out next week
from the guys who couldn't sit through another vampire movie comes ANOTHER vampire movie . . . at least inception is out next week
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
12:14AM on 07/08/2010
Seriously America?
Seriously America?
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
12:08AM on 07/08/2010
Anyone for having these assholes murdered or publicly executed so no more of these abominations are produced?
Anyone for having these assholes murdered or publicly executed so no more of these abominations are produced?
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
11:37PM on 07/07/2010

Regardless of what WE think...

SOMEONE is paying to see this. Someone is profiting from this, so, there is money in it. Obviously there is no creative reason behind this flick, it's purely a money motivated. That's why these fellers are making 'em. Good for them, I say. They're snapping necks and cashing checks. Good. For. Them!
SOMEONE is paying to see this. Someone is profiting from this, so, there is money in it. Obviously there is no creative reason behind this flick, it's purely a money motivated. That's why these fellers are making 'em. Good for them, I say. They're snapping necks and cashing checks. Good. For. Them!
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
+0
11:36PM on 07/07/2010

*Gag*

Didn't they already use the "it's raining men" song gag with Meet the Spartans? And why do these people throw in pop culture references and always have them go "hey, isn't that so-and-so"? And why am I getting a severe headache?
Didn't they already use the "it's raining men" song gag with Meet the Spartans? And why do these people throw in pop culture references and always have them go "hey, isn't that so-and-so"? And why am I getting a severe headache?
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
11:35PM on 07/07/2010

Regardless of what WE think...

SOMEONE is paying to see this. Someone is profiting from this, so, there is money in it. Obviously there is no creative reason behind this flick, it's purely a money motivated. That's why these fellers are making 'em. Good for them, I say. They're snapping necks and cashing checks. Good. For. Them!
SOMEONE is paying to see this. Someone is profiting from this, so, there is money in it. Obviously there is no creative reason behind this flick, it's purely a money motivated. That's why these fellers are making 'em. Good for them, I say. They're snapping necks and cashing checks. Good. For. Them!
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
11:30PM on 07/07/2010
I wholeheartedly believe nobody will watch this. Thumb up if you agree.
I wholeheartedly believe nobody will watch this. Thumb up if you agree.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
11:23PM on 07/07/2010

it was actually pretty funny

this is coming from someone who hated "disaster movie" and "meet the spartans" i mean really really HATED but this movie was pretty funny it had some stupid jersey shore,lady gaga and housewives of atlanta jokes but the rest of the movie was funny cause it actually parodied the twilight movies and the actress who was parodying bella was spot on,better than kristen stewart and hotter also.plus there were no references or parodies of movies that are not even out yet,not even avatar was parodied
this is coming from someone who hated "disaster movie" and "meet the spartans" i mean really really HATED but this movie was pretty funny it had some stupid jersey shore,lady gaga and housewives of atlanta jokes but the rest of the movie was funny cause it actually parodied the twilight movies and the actress who was parodying bella was spot on,better than kristen stewart and hotter also.plus there were no references or parodies of movies that are not even out yet,not even avatar was parodied except for alice in wonderland but anyway it's like they listened to the people on imdb and joblo and fixed everything that made their last 2 movies *beep*.by the way it was the dvd screener online it was a big improvement and you should give it a watch,it's only 1 hr and 16 mins. 7/10
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
10:47PM on 07/07/2010
Doesn't look as bad as disaster movie. But I will say one thing I can't stand is the "Aren't you the Black Eyed Peas" bit. Having them repeat what the person asked them isn't a joke.
Doesn't look as bad as disaster movie. But I will say one thing I can't stand is the "Aren't you the Black Eyed Peas" bit. Having them repeat what the person asked them isn't a joke.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
+5
10:34PM on 07/07/2010
seriously, what do lady gaga and the jersey shore have to do with vampires? i'd much rather have that trailer end with Blade or Van Helsing beating the crap out of Edward. that would have been funny.
seriously, what do lady gaga and the jersey shore have to do with vampires? i'd much rather have that trailer end with Blade or Van Helsing beating the crap out of Edward. that would have been funny.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
10:42PM on 07/07/2010
That type of logic at least makes sense. Too bad Hollywood doesn't listen. They still believe in turning every movie 3D even if it doesn't work.
That type of logic at least makes sense. Too bad Hollywood doesn't listen. They still believe in turning every movie 3D even if it doesn't work.
10:32PM on 07/07/2010
Gaylord Anthony Focker that was bad
Gaylord Anthony Focker that was bad
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
10:30PM on 07/07/2010

Extra Tidbit

OMG, I am amazed that I am agreeing with extra tidbit, but the Seltzer/ Friedberg movies (and their ilk) are the lowest common denominator and really does suck balls.
OMG, I am amazed that I am agreeing with extra tidbit, but the Seltzer/ Friedberg movies (and their ilk) are the lowest common denominator and really does suck balls.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
9:18PM on 07/07/2010
double post
double post
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
9:18PM on 07/07/2010
Yuck. I have to admit though, I thought the Black Eyed Peas joke was kinda funny.
Yuck. I have to admit though, I thought the Black Eyed Peas joke was kinda funny.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
10:02PM on 07/07/2010
Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. Otherwise, though, looks as soul-crushing as the rest of them.
Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. Otherwise, though, looks as soul-crushing as the rest of them.
+0
8:55PM on 07/07/2010
This is a terrible film. Saw it on someone elses computer. I chuckled occassionally, but it was mostly very unfunny. At the very least, the film didn't do ridiculously over the top spoofs like the previous films, but the Twilight spoofs here are so dumb and cliche that it's just not funny.

If you're wondering how I saw it, it was on someone elses computer. Don't ask me how they got it.
This is a terrible film. Saw it on someone elses computer. I chuckled occassionally, but it was mostly very unfunny. At the very least, the film didn't do ridiculously over the top spoofs like the previous films, but the Twilight spoofs here are so dumb and cliche that it's just not funny.

If you're wondering how I saw it, it was on someone elses computer. Don't ask me how they got it.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
8:39PM on 07/07/2010

at least 'movie' isnt thrown into the end of the title..

why can't they just stick with one spoof? Alice, Black Eyed Peas, GaGa makes absolutely no sense to include
why can't they just stick with one spoof? Alice, Black Eyed Peas, GaGa makes absolutely no sense to include
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
8:31PM on 07/07/2010

Fuck these assholes

The "spoof" genre does not inherently have to be bad, its just that "2 of the 6 writers from scary movie" think that by humor comes from simply referencing pop culture figures. Like seriously for a movie that is spoofing vampire movies, what the fuck is up with the references to lady gaga, jersey shore, alice in wonderland, the black eyed peas etc. And Don't even get me started on the obvious burger king product placement. Mark my words its only a matter of months before these humorously
The "spoof" genre does not inherently have to be bad, its just that "2 of the 6 writers from scary movie" think that by humor comes from simply referencing pop culture figures. Like seriously for a movie that is spoofing vampire movies, what the fuck is up with the references to lady gaga, jersey shore, alice in wonderland, the black eyed peas etc. And Don't even get me started on the obvious burger king product placement. Mark my words its only a matter of months before these humorously teenaged girls come out with "spoof movie"
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
+12
8:15PM on 07/07/2010

Not going to lie

I'd almost rather watch Eclipse.
I'd almost rather watch Eclipse.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
11:03PM on 07/07/2010
i'd almost rather have a car battery dropped on my sack than watch this... oh wait i would rather have a car battery dropped on my sack than watch this...
i'd almost rather have a car battery dropped on my sack than watch this... oh wait i would rather have a car battery dropped on my sack than watch this...
8:12PM on 07/07/2010
It's like... I watch most of the videos posted here, sometimes not even out of curiosity, but because it's just there. And now I wish I was smarter.

That was a poor choice on my part... a poor choice.
It's like... I watch most of the videos posted here, sometimes not even out of curiosity, but because it's just there. And now I wish I was smarter.

That was a poor choice on my part... a poor choice.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
7:53PM on 07/07/2010
It's unfunny because it's not a comedy.

*checks IMDB*

Holy shit, that's a comedy?! Get the fuck out of here.
It's unfunny because it's not a comedy.

*checks IMDB*

Holy shit, that's a comedy?! Get the fuck out of here.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
2:46PM on 07/08/2010
I laughed because your post reminded me of twisted toyfares writing style. XD
I laughed because your post reminded me of twisted toyfares writing style. XD
7:46PM on 07/07/2010

I admit

I'm a guy whose had to sit through all the twilight movies with my wife, she sits through all the horror and action movies I want to see. But I actually thought the trailer was funny and I've hated all the spoof movies, besides the first scary movies.
I'm a guy whose had to sit through all the twilight movies with my wife, she sits through all the horror and action movies I want to see. But I actually thought the trailer was funny and I've hated all the spoof movies, besides the first scary movies.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
+21
7:34PM on 07/07/2010

Target market?

If those people who LOVE the TWILIGHT flicks will avoid this because it's making fun of their peeps, and the rest of the population will stay away from this because they hate anything related to TWILIGHT...who the fuck is this film's target market? (not to mention, the millions of people who think those DATE MOVIE/EPIC MOVIE jerks suck ass)
If those people who LOVE the TWILIGHT flicks will avoid this because it's making fun of their peeps, and the rest of the population will stay away from this because they hate anything related to TWILIGHT...who the fuck is this film's target market? (not to mention, the millions of people who think those DATE MOVIE/EPIC MOVIE jerks suck ass)
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
11:02PM on 07/07/2010
it's a film for braindead retards... so most of america...
it's a film for braindead retards... so most of america...
7:24PM on 07/07/2010

SMG pic ftw

i'm only "hip to this news" b/c it gave a reason to post a SMG picture...
oh how my teenage years were spent in
i'm only "hip to this news" b/c it gave a reason to post a SMG picture...
oh how my teenage years were spent in
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
7:24PM on 07/07/2010

Rifftrax...

I saw the first 2 twilight films with the Rifftrax dubbing and it was hysterical. A lot more funnier than I ever could imagine this movie being. They even point out the same things but Rifftrax was just amazing.
I saw the first 2 twilight films with the Rifftrax dubbing and it was hysterical. A lot more funnier than I ever could imagine this movie being. They even point out the same things but Rifftrax was just amazing.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
7:19PM on 07/07/2010
I was laughing at this trailer from beginning to end on how moronic of a movie this will be. You know I liked "Scary Movie" when it came out, I thought it was going to revive good spoof movies, but instead it unleashed a trend of crappy spoofs that want to make a quick buck for people not smart enough to stay away. Honestly if you are really wanting to see this movie, wait for it to go on basic cable, it will air about 2 months after the movie is released and then you can change the channel
I was laughing at this trailer from beginning to end on how moronic of a movie this will be. You know I liked "Scary Movie" when it came out, I thought it was going to revive good spoof movies, but instead it unleashed a trend of crappy spoofs that want to make a quick buck for people not smart enough to stay away. Honestly if you are really wanting to see this movie, wait for it to go on basic cable, it will air about 2 months after the movie is released and then you can change the channel after you find out how dumb it is.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
+1
7:10PM on 07/07/2010
Who is the idiot who decided this was a good idea to film?
Who is the idiot who decided this was a good idea to film?
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
7:08PM on 07/07/2010

Can't even watch it. . .

This crap is beyond unfunny. It calls for an adjective that hasn't even been created yet . . .
This crap is beyond unfunny. It calls for an adjective that hasn't even been created yet . . .
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
View All Comments

Latest Movie News Headlines


Top
Loading...
JoBlo's T-Shirt Shoppe | support our site... Wear Our Gear!