Two new script reviews

After a long holiday weekend, Honest Abe is back to share his thoughts on two new scripts he's read.  Here's Abe with his report:

PUKA PETE (negative, minor spoilers)
I am a huge David Spade fan. I went opening night to see "Joe Dirt" and laughed my nuts off. That said, I was so disappointed in reading his next feature which he co-wrote. It opens up in the late 60's where Pete has a band but his lyrics, well, they suck. He gets swallowed up by a whale (don't ask) and spit out on a beach for 30 years but he at first thinks it's only been 2 years. To make matters worse, it turns out he has been on the far side of Hawaii and not some uncharted island the whole time. Of course there's the jokes involving him trying to adjust. Also, his immune system hasn't developed to withstand life today so often he has bizarre reactions to the slightest things. The main jist of the script involves Pete trying to find true love and through a mix up, he thinks he has found it in supermodel Malena. He believes her to be a kindred spirit but of course every time he gets near her, something causes him to have a violent reaction. Also, Pete's not poor. The same whale that swallowed him up keeps spitting up gobs of pirate treasure so Pete is financially secure. The problem is that the script was SOOOOO predictable. Maybe I just possess keen insight but aside from a few jokes I laughed at, and a riff or to on "Castaway", there wasn't anything to really grab me and say "hey, go spend 9 bucks on this!!!" There's the reunion with his former hippie girlfriend who's now all business and money and she kinda helps him back on his feet and adjust to everything new. I would rather have had him just try to adjust the whole movie because in my opinion, the love story angle just didn't work. Bottom line: I love David Spade but until I see the trailer, I'm afraid I'll pass. (Maybe I'll sneak in.)

RESIDENT EVIL (positive, minor spoilers)
Creepy. That's a good way to start this review. Essentially this movie is a prologue to everything you know about the games. And if you don't know the games, then don't sweat it cause it ain't important. You're kept in the dark for the majority of this well written script. You only get hints of what happened. ( the old, need to know only, routine ). Hell, I'm still wondering about a thing or two after I finished reading it. All you really need to know is that there is a huge (and I mean freakin' huge) private industrial complex, Umbrella Industries, where every employee has become a zombie. If you're bitten, you will become one eventually. The way to kill them is with a shot to the head or a neck snap. I don't want to give away how everyone became zombies. All you need to know is that just like in Aliens, there is a band of ass kickers who show up to eradicate the problem only to have their own asses kicked instead. The wild cards in all this are Alice (a woman who woke up inside the complex who was unaffected by whatever turned everyone else into zombies, and Matt, an eco-terrorist.) Essentially this movie is a race to get from the sub basements of the complex up to the surface level so they can escape. They do have some help along the way but again, all I can tell you is: White Queen=Good. Red Queen=Bad. Stumped? Tough! Elements of this remind me of John Carpenter's The Thing. (speaking of things, there is one huge motherfucking....uh...Thing in the movie). I loved the ending and it's set up for a sequel. I hope this looks as good as it read. Parts of this are definitely good old fashion heart jumping scares. I expect this to be very gory too. Not just bloody but I mean the kind of movie where your girlfriend will scream "WHY DID YOU BRING ME TO THIS, I'M GONNA HAVE NIGHTMARES!!!" To which I say "Heh heh heh heh heh." Bottom line: great potential to be one heart stopping rollercoaster of suspense.