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Uwe Boll is crazy

03.05.2008

Wow, when I wrote up the release of the trailer for Uwe Boll's TUNNEL RATS I tried to give the dude the benefit of the doubt. I tried to give that thing the positive spin I felt a filmmaker deserved. But schmoes, trust me, Bobby De Niro in WAG THE DOG would have difficulty making this dude even look like an intellectually functioning human being. Most likely, he will end up looking like a psychopathic egomaniac. Now I know what you're thinking, Uwe Boll seems like such a humble, down to Earth, intelligent person. Where is the proof, James? We demand the proof you have to back up these malicious lies! Well, I present to you the following (you might want to copy and paste it into a blank document for later use. I'm not quite sure for what yet, but trust me statements like this don't come around all that often):

"On the Indiana Jones weekend - May 23 - we will go out and destroy Indiana Jones in the Box Office! We all know that Harrison Ford is older as my grandpa and his time is up - would Michael Moore say! Spielberg gets sloppy. We saw that with War of the Worlds (why the fuck the older brother survived?) and also in parts of Jaws, E.T., Munich etc.! My performance in Postal as 'Nazi Theme Park Owner' outperforms easily Ben Kingsley in Schindler's List!"

At what point does it become an acceptable point of argument to make fun of someone's inability to properly construct sentences? That point has to be somewhere close, since this dude wields the English language with the kind of incompetence reserved for Burmese infants and sea lions. I don't really know what else to say. There's nothing I could possibly add to make this any more ridiculous. At this point we're looking for Jessica Alba to reveal the child she's carrying is actually Boll's and they're leaving on Sunday to populate Saturn.
Extra Tidbit: I know, there's a chance he was joking. But I don't think he was. And even if that were the case, that it could go either way is extremely, extremely depressing.

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2:06PM on 03/15/2008
MalicksSon,

It's not because he's German. It's because he sucks so bad, but yet continues to churn out shit at a really fast pace. And gets decent actors attached.
MalicksSon,

It's not because he's German. It's because he sucks so bad, but yet continues to churn out shit at a really fast pace. And gets decent actors attached.
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8:52AM on 03/07/2008

He is right about one thing

War of the Worlds... That was a terribly poor film and he is on the money with the comment about the brother surviving. Why? How?
War of the Worlds... That was a terribly poor film and he is on the money with the comment about the brother surviving. Why? How?
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11:10AM on 03/06/2008

omg...

..no other problems???!!!

if boll would be an american, you would be quiet...

but he is german - and his movies sucks (100%!!!) - "yeah, forget thousands of bad hollywood movies and directors. boll is the devil."

p.s.
had an interview in germany with boll - he is funny - and 0% arrogance!

p.p.s.
i love joblo! but the "boll-news" SUCKS!
..no other problems???!!!

if boll would be an american, you would be quiet...

but he is german - and his movies sucks (100%!!!) - "yeah, forget thousands of bad hollywood movies and directors. boll is the devil."

p.s.
had an interview in germany with boll - he is funny - and 0% arrogance!

p.p.s.
i love joblo! but the "boll-news" SUCKS!
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10:54AM on 03/06/2008
Of course Uwe Boll was joking. He's like that kid that's so desperate to be liked he makes those lame, awkward jokes and hopes that someone will laugh. All he achieves is an awkward silence.
Of course Uwe Boll was joking. He's like that kid that's so desperate to be liked he makes those lame, awkward jokes and hopes that someone will laugh. All he achieves is an awkward silence.
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8:22AM on 03/06/2008
um sorry.
i hate uwe boll like every other guy, but this OBVIOUSYL was a joke, doh.
Are you serious?
And as I said although I hate this guy, this was even funny!
um sorry.
i hate uwe boll like every other guy, but this OBVIOUSYL was a joke, doh.
Are you serious?
And as I said although I hate this guy, this was even funny!
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7:34AM on 03/06/2008

Somebody shoot this guy...please!

His just saying those remarks to call attention upon himself, to keep himself in the limelight. So people will write little articles on their websites about his quote.

I think it would be best if the media and the web would just plain ignore anything he is involved in and has to say. Let him die and dissapear from our memories...forever.
His just saying those remarks to call attention upon himself, to keep himself in the limelight. So people will write little articles on their websites about his quote.

I think it would be best if the media and the web would just plain ignore anything he is involved in and has to say. Let him die and dissapear from our memories...forever.
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9:11PM on 03/05/2008

Funniest part

The funniest part about this whole thing was that a story called "Uwe Boll is crazy" was put up on a site that supposedly talks about CURRENT news. Haven't you folks heard of timeliness? His films have been around for awhile now, I think we know how off the rocker the man is. Anyways, with regards to this particular incident I believe he was kidding, but if people want further proof they should check out the whole "boxing his critics" thing.
The funniest part about this whole thing was that a story called "Uwe Boll is crazy" was put up on a site that supposedly talks about CURRENT news. Haven't you folks heard of timeliness? His films have been around for awhile now, I think we know how off the rocker the man is. Anyways, with regards to this particular incident I believe he was kidding, but if people want further proof they should check out the whole "boxing his critics" thing.
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8:37PM on 03/05/2008
He was definitely kidding when he said that stuff.
I rather have my testicles set on fire and stomped on by an elephant then watch a Boll movie. He truly is the worst director that has ever lived!
He was definitely kidding when he said that stuff.
I rather have my testicles set on fire and stomped on by an elephant then watch a Boll movie. He truly is the worst director that has ever lived!
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8:25PM on 03/05/2008

Speilberg is very overrated...

...but Uwe Boll has been known to talk too much. :-)

Boll likes the attention, I think, in order to publicize his films.
...but Uwe Boll has been known to talk too much. :-)

Boll likes the attention, I think, in order to publicize his films.
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7:47PM on 03/05/2008

Heh, germans

First boxing and now more hubris. Is this guy for real? He's making a fool out of himself. Not that he hasn't for quite a while now.
First boxing and now more hubris. Is this guy for real? He's making a fool out of himself. Not that he hasn't for quite a while now.
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7:25PM on 03/05/2008

no, no, no

hey "intothebadlands" - you're wrong about one thing... Munich was not sloppy. That was an excellent piece of filmmaking that should've won Best Picture over the crapfest that was Crash. I agree that Amistad and War of the Worlds were not up to snuff, Spielberg-wise, but to trash on Munich is just plain retarded.
hey "intothebadlands" - you're wrong about one thing... Munich was not sloppy. That was an excellent piece of filmmaking that should've won Best Picture over the crapfest that was Crash. I agree that Amistad and War of the Worlds were not up to snuff, Spielberg-wise, but to trash on Munich is just plain retarded.
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7:14PM on 03/05/2008
Well... He was right about War of the Worlds.
Well... He was right about War of the Worlds.
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6:42PM on 03/05/2008

Well, he's right...

Spielberg does get sloppy. He showed us that in "War of the Worlds', 'Munich', 'Amistad', 'The Color Purple', 'The Lost World'... sure, he's the man who made 'Jaws' and 'Close Encounters', but let's not start clamoring to drink his bath water.
Spielberg does get sloppy. He showed us that in "War of the Worlds', 'Munich', 'Amistad', 'The Color Purple', 'The Lost World'... sure, he's the man who made 'Jaws' and 'Close Encounters', but let's not start clamoring to drink his bath water.
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6:17PM on 03/05/2008

Proven again.

Uwe Boll is one of the people I hate most on Earth.
Uwe Boll is one of the people I hate most on Earth.
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5:20PM on 03/05/2008

c'est assez la

Hes obviously joking, and knows he stands no chance against Indy 4. And how does making shitty movies make him not down to earth or not intelligent ? I know bashing Uwe Boll is fun and all, but let's not exagerate things. Even though his English in that paragraph was not that great, he still is German (I pretty sure he's German) and lives there, so I think he does an acceptable job. I'd like to see you write a paragraph in perfect German or another language you don't master completely.
I
Hes obviously joking, and knows he stands no chance against Indy 4. And how does making shitty movies make him not down to earth or not intelligent ? I know bashing Uwe Boll is fun and all, but let's not exagerate things. Even though his English in that paragraph was not that great, he still is German (I pretty sure he's German) and lives there, so I think he does an acceptable job. I'd like to see you write a paragraph in perfect German or another language you don't master completely.
I don't usually do this because it is unfair, but to be honest, I hate the way James Thoo writes his articles. Everyone else on Joblo.com I have no problem with, but Thoo just bugs me, and this article didn't help.
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4:32PM on 03/05/2008
Well I just saw the movie (German DVD), and I gotta say it's bollocks. But, since Boll makes fun of himself in the movie, you have to admit that the guy has some sort of humour. But still, his movies suck.
Well I just saw the movie (German DVD), and I gotta say it's bollocks. But, since Boll makes fun of himself in the movie, you have to admit that the guy has some sort of humour. But still, his movies suck.
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4:25PM on 03/05/2008

Has to be a joke!

This definitely has to be a joke because Boll couldn't direct fucking traffic in a parking lot. Even if he is joking, he deserves to be hanged for putting "Spielberg" and "sloppy" in the same sentence. Grab your torches and pitchforks gents!
This definitely has to be a joke because Boll couldn't direct fucking traffic in a parking lot. Even if he is joking, he deserves to be hanged for putting "Spielberg" and "sloppy" in the same sentence. Grab your torches and pitchforks gents!
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4:28PM on 03/05/2008

well....

he was joking tho....he later explained that it is just that since no other movie besides indy comes out they have onyl two movies to watch....but he is still insane because who would choose a uwe boll movie over and indy movie...and spielberg movie...a harrison ford movie...even a lucas movie...i mean i'd rather watch a feature length teletubbies movie than watch a uwe boll movie
he was joking tho....he later explained that it is just that since no other movie besides indy comes out they have onyl two movies to watch....but he is still insane because who would choose a uwe boll movie over and indy movie...and spielberg movie...a harrison ford movie...even a lucas movie...i mean i'd rather watch a feature length teletubbies movie than watch a uwe boll movie
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4:22PM on 03/05/2008
Deep down Boll knows he's a piece of shit film maker. I don't know about him as a human being, but if that wasn't a joke then stooping to ragging on other actors and directors at some feeeble attempt to sway people away from other movies definitely makes him a piece of shit human being.
Deep down Boll knows he's a piece of shit film maker. I don't know about him as a human being, but if that wasn't a joke then stooping to ragging on other actors and directors at some feeeble attempt to sway people away from other movies definitely makes him a piece of shit human being.
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4:07PM on 03/05/2008

Great Retort, James!

I think Boll just passed the point where it is acceptable for you to lampoon his horrible English. "Wielding the English language with the kind of incompetence reserved for Burmese infants and sea lions"...Brilliant line I must say!
I think Boll just passed the point where it is acceptable for you to lampoon his horrible English. "Wielding the English language with the kind of incompetence reserved for Burmese infants and sea lions"...Brilliant line I must say!
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4:04PM on 03/05/2008

Boll u the man!

But this is the kinda reason why you gotta love Uwe Boll
But this is the kinda reason why you gotta love Uwe Boll
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