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Uwe Boll is crazy

03.05.2008

Wow, when I wrote up the release of the trailer for Uwe Boll's TUNNEL RATS I tried to give the dude the benefit of the doubt. I tried to give that thing the positive spin I felt a filmmaker deserved. But schmoes, trust me, Bobby De Niro in WAG THE DOG would have difficulty making this dude even look like an intellectually functioning human being. Most likely, he will end up looking like a psychopathic egomaniac. Now I know what you're thinking, Uwe Boll seems like such a humble, down to Earth, intelligent person. Where is the proof, James? We demand the proof you have to back up these malicious lies! Well, I present to you the following (you might want to copy and paste it into a blank document for later use. I'm not quite sure for what yet, but trust me statements like this don't come around all that often):

"On the Indiana Jones weekend - May 23 - we will go out and destroy Indiana Jones in the Box Office! We all know that Harrison Ford is older as my grandpa and his time is up - would Michael Moore say! Spielberg gets sloppy. We saw that with War of the Worlds (why the fuck the older brother survived?) and also in parts of Jaws, E.T., Munich etc.! My performance in Postal as 'Nazi Theme Park Owner' outperforms easily Ben Kingsley in Schindler's List!"

At what point does it become an acceptable point of argument to make fun of someone's inability to properly construct sentences? That point has to be somewhere close, since this dude wields the English language with the kind of incompetence reserved for Burmese infants and sea lions. I don't really know what else to say. There's nothing I could possibly add to make this any more ridiculous. At this point we're looking for Jessica Alba to reveal the child she's carrying is actually Boll's and they're leaving on Sunday to populate Saturn.
Extra Tidbit: I know, there's a chance he was joking. But I don't think he was. And even if that were the case, that it could go either way is extremely, extremely depressing.

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