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WTF news: Peeps, Barbie, and It's A Small World ride being made into movies

04.23.2014

Man, what the shit? The business of Hollywood is in full swing as the attempts to replicate the success of such brands as TRANSFORMERS, GI JOE, PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN and LEGO are now trickling out into more venues, including candy, dolls, and yet another theme park ride. The sugary marshmallow treats known as PEEPS, the soaked-in-pink doll factory known as BARBIE, and the source of nightmares for all parents who visit the Magic Kingdom, IT'S A SMALL WORLD, are all being developed as not only feature films, but as franchises that will just. keep. coming. I've broken this down into sections in the same article, so you can get all depressed in one place, rather than throughout the day.

PEEPS:

Director Adam Rifkin (DETROIT ROCK CITY) has optioned film and TV rights to the PEEPS marshmallow candies with plans of making a full-length family feature in the vein of THE LEGO MOVIE. The Peeps company sells about 2 billion of the diabetes inducers and has ponied up for Rifkin's pitch, which is described as a "Lego Movie-esque family epic set the night before a Peeps diorama contest, when a wayward Peep gets misplaced and must adventure through the fantasy lands of different-themed dioramas before the contest’s judging begins."

Apparently, Rifkin was inspired to do the project after seeing a series of contest dioramas that feature PEEPS, including one that recreates the Martin Luther King, Jr. "I have a dream" speech. Now, I can see this as a half-hour kids show or something, but a feature film? C'mon now. The problem is that it feels like franchise-hunting, not the product of a genius idea that people will love. It's a one-two sucker punch against parents, combining candy and animation into one giant package deal. Have fun at those screenings.

BARBIE:

With JEM AND THE HOLOGRAMS currently filming for director John M. Chu, it looks like Sony is hitting the ground running to get their own female empowered protagonist based on a toy/cartoon to the big screen with BARBIE. Now, I'm hardly the demographic for a BARBIE film and I won't begrudge female audiences something they may/may not want, but the problem with BARBIE is that she's kind of a shallow representation of female empowerment. She wears fashionable clothes, drives speedy cars, accessorizes, and chases Ken. Not exactly something you'd call "ripe" for translation to the big screen. However, they have a solution to that and it's...Mary Poppins?

"It allows the character Barbie to use her personal and professional skills to step into the lives of others and improve them, almost like a modern-day Mary Poppins. That storyline allows for the discovery of a young actress to play the title character, and young cast to play Ken and Barbie’s best friend, putting stars around them that can change in subsequent movies."

So, a super hot blonde giving dating advice and helping to put together a killer outfit for the club? I jest, but...wait, do I? All of that will probably happen. So, perhaps they'll pull it off and make something out of the franchise. It'll be interesting to see how they cast Barbie as well, seeing as her physical image is seemingly always a source of outrage

“We’ve always thought that the Barbie story had great potential, but a universe of possibilities opened up when Jenny, Walter and Laurie brought us their unexpected, clever, and truly funny concept. It captures everything that has made Barbie a classic for generation after generation while also standing on its own, establishing Barbie as a truly original screen character," says Sony Production President Hannah Minghella. 

I think I've already found the lead for this as well. You're welcome, Sony.

IT'S A SMALL WORLD:

And now we can top this bout of WTF news with yet another theme park ride movie, only this one is without pirates. Director Jon Turteltaub (NATIONAL TREASURE) is set to direct an adaptation of the ride IT'S A SMALL WORLD, which is Disneyland ride featuring "over 300 brightly costumed audio-animatronic dolls in the style of children of the world, frolicking in a spirit of international unity and singing the attraction's title song, which has a theme of global peace."  Also known as "torture" to most people over the age of five.

There's no specific details on how they plan to adapt this, only the threat that they're doing it and planning it as a franchise. That's right, you can bank on it. At this juncture, the business model is franchise and/or trilogy and/or spinoff and/or all of the above. Here, I have a challenge for you, just in case you've never been or never heard of IT'S A SMALL WORLD. Let's see if you can make it to the end:

So, there it all is. Candy, dolls, and theme park rides are coming to a theater near you. Eating them, playing with them, or riding them isn't good enough anymore, so get ready to take your food, toys, and ride attractions to the next level. I'm sure the next evolution of this is fast-food movies? Ronald McDonald and the Big Mac Attack? Taco Bell: Run For The Border? Burger King: The Search for the Flame Broiled Dragon. I could do this all day. But, I won't.

All right. Let's hear it...

Extra Tidbit: If you had to see one of these films, which would you choose right now?
Source: DeadlineDeadline

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1:19PM on 04/24/2014

Living Barbie Doll Nutball

That woman is gonna end up in live action Japanese tentacle porn before an actual barbie movie. Too bad she is apparently not just insane, but racist as hell.
That woman is gonna end up in live action Japanese tentacle porn before an actual barbie movie. Too bad she is apparently not just insane, but racist as hell.
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7:17AM on 04/24/2014
Think of the crossover potential.
We can have Barbie riding the Small World Ride while eating Marshmallow Peeps, it'll be a smash because everyone who likes them separate parts will have to see it.
Geez doesn't anyone at Disney remember the Haunted mansion or Country Bear Jamboree movies?
As for me, I'm off to do a spec script based on the Disneyland entrance turnstile.
Think of the crossover potential.
We can have Barbie riding the Small World Ride while eating Marshmallow Peeps, it'll be a smash because everyone who likes them separate parts will have to see it.
Geez doesn't anyone at Disney remember the Haunted mansion or Country Bear Jamboree movies?
As for me, I'm off to do a spec script based on the Disneyland entrance turnstile.
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+0
6:03AM on 04/24/2014
They cant hear our moaning and groaning at this news, just the kay-ching of bucks to be made
They cant hear our moaning and groaning at this news, just the kay-ching of bucks to be made
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1:08AM on 04/24/2014
jesus fucking christ really all these sound like ass peeps really before you know it they will make a movie about the damn energizer bunny or fucking nerds candy
jesus fucking christ really all these sound like ass peeps really before you know it they will make a movie about the damn energizer bunny or fucking nerds candy
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12:00AM on 04/24/2014
A movie about the creation and inspiration behind the theme park attraction could work very well( see Saving Mr. Banks) but a franchise starter... uh no.
The Barbie plot seems too "House Bunny" (and well... that actually worked )plus it was bound to happen sooner or later. Bringing her into a modern age of self awareness of her critics and popularity might make for a good fish-out-of-water tale.
Peeps... really? Have really reach that point?
A movie about the creation and inspiration behind the theme park attraction could work very well( see Saving Mr. Banks) but a franchise starter... uh no.
The Barbie plot seems too "House Bunny" (and well... that actually worked )plus it was bound to happen sooner or later. Bringing her into a modern age of self awareness of her critics and popularity might make for a good fish-out-of-water tale.
Peeps... really? Have really reach that point?
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10:24PM on 04/23/2014
It's a Small World is a horror movie. They're all Chucky-like entities. Right?
It's a Small World is a horror movie. They're all Chucky-like entities. Right?
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6:31PM on 04/23/2014
WHERE'S MY HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPO TRILOGY???
WHERE'S MY HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPO TRILOGY???
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6:24PM on 04/23/2014
Wait, do they want to make a live action Barbie movie? That idea seems awful. I thought it would be CGI and look like the actual dolls (like in Toy Story 3). I mean, it's Barbie, no one over the age of 11 will want to see it anyway.
Wait, do they want to make a live action Barbie movie? That idea seems awful. I thought it would be CGI and look like the actual dolls (like in Toy Story 3). I mean, it's Barbie, no one over the age of 11 will want to see it anyway.
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+1
6:05PM on 04/23/2014

Extra tidbit: choosing

Little girls have come a long way as my aunt "hand knitted" all my Barbie clothes and none of them were fashionable yet my friends were jealous, lol. Nowadays Barbie's an embarrassment but what do you do if you have a daughter who wants to go? Thankfully I have grown sons so not going to that one.

Small world. The song alone gives me a headache just thinking about it so it won't be that one if I had to choose.

I guess if I absolutely had to choose it would be peeps, which might be okay if
Little girls have come a long way as my aunt "hand knitted" all my Barbie clothes and none of them were fashionable yet my friends were jealous, lol. Nowadays Barbie's an embarrassment but what do you do if you have a daughter who wants to go? Thankfully I have grown sons so not going to that one.

Small world. The song alone gives me a headache just thinking about it so it won't be that one if I had to choose.

I guess if I absolutely had to choose it would be peeps, which might be okay if the story is well done. No way will I be seeing that either but that's my choice for Extra Tidbit.
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5:31PM on 04/23/2014
Suction: Rise of Maytag.

That one's a freebie, Hollywood.
Suction: Rise of Maytag.

That one's a freebie, Hollywood.
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4:09PM on 04/23/2014
At least the "cast this" for barbie will be enjoyable
At least the "cast this" for barbie will be enjoyable
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3:55PM on 04/23/2014
Wouldn't mind a movie with the last pic, peeps in the bathtub with a hot chick could have potential. Everything else though, screw that
Wouldn't mind a movie with the last pic, peeps in the bathtub with a hot chick could have potential. Everything else though, screw that
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3:09PM on 04/23/2014
And when people say "Hollywood movies are shit nowadays", its because of movies like these. The worst part is that these will still make more money than most of the quality films.
And when people say "Hollywood movies are shit nowadays", its because of movies like these. The worst part is that these will still make more money than most of the quality films.
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2:56PM on 04/23/2014
When producers are actually aiming to make a movie like Lego Movie... all hope is lost.
When producers are actually aiming to make a movie like Lego Movie... all hope is lost.
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2:28PM on 04/23/2014
Should be better than The Fantastic Four.
Should be better than The Fantastic Four.
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