"Charlie M! You make me pop your fucking eye out of your head to protect that piece of shit! Charlie M! You dumb motherfucker."
"If a guy fuckin' tripped over a fuckin' banana peel they'd bring me in for it."
"What are you starin' at you bald headed Jew prick."
"It's a sick question, you're a sick fuck, and I'm not that sick that I'm gonna answer it. I'm not telling you anything."
"What are you staring at you bald-headed Jew prick? "
"Shaken or stirred?"
"Do I look like I give a damn?"
"What is, uh, the victory of a cat on a hot tin roof..."
"You know what's wrong with you?"
"You know what's wrong with you? No, what? Nothing."
“Good morning, Angels.”
“Good morning, Charlie!”
"I'm just having a little girl trouble." "Pressing charges? I get that a lot."
"...whip me up a toasted bagel with cream cheese, you want one too? Make that two and kiss my grits..."
"I'm crazy about this girl. I look at her, I see kids, I see grand-kids." "You're scaring me." "Yeah, well I'm scaring myself. Because I think so much of this girl, that I can't stupid shit like 'Finger Cuffs' out of my head."
"Ya gotta boil it down to the essentials. It's like Cube says, 'Life ain't nothin but bitches and money.'"
"Just having a little girl trouble. Pressing charges? I get that a lot."
"Santa Claus had come."
"Christmas was on it's way, lovely, glorious, beautiful Christmas, around which the entire kid year revolved."
"Ahh Fragi-le, that must be Italian." "Errm I think that says, 'fragile'"
"...My old man was one of the most feared furnace fighters in Northern Indiana."
"...drive you out to the middle of nowhere? Leave you for dead?" "No I'm doin' just fine Clark, glad to be here."
"Tis the season to be merry." "Well, that's my name." "No shit."
"...dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit..."
"...drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead?" "No, I'm doing just fine Clark."
"...the Crunch enhancer? Yeah it's a non-nutritive cereal varnish. It's semi-permiable. It's not osmotic. What it does is it coats and seals the flake..."
"...take it easy, Ellen. I'm in complete control. I'll get around this egg timer."
"...she can't see you. No one can see you unless you want them to."
"Hi, Curly, kill anyone today?"
"Day aint over yet."
"Your deputy's name is Barney?"
"That's great. "
"...Ordinarily I'd say the more the merrier, I do. I say it all the time. But a murder scene is not really crowd appropriate..."
"...You just have to leave a deposit. How much is that? 2 million dollars."
"37! My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!" "In a row?"
> More Stories
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