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Movie Quotes

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"Thank you for coming here today. This man lived a good life. He had a wonderful woman, a lush garden, and... a collection of Russian nesting dolls. May he rest in peace."

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"My mother was a Lutheran missionary from Scandinavia. And my father a deacon from Mexico. They tried to convert each other, but they got married instead. And then they died."

"I love being single. I haven't had this much sex since I was a Boy Scout leader. Er, I mean, at the time, i was dating a lot."

"Nordberg, it's me Frank. Now who did this to you?" "I..love..you." "I love you too Nordberg. Who were they?"...

"Nordburg... it's me, Frank. Now who did this to you?" I...Love You...." "I love you too, Nordburg. Who were they?" "Ship... boat..." "That's right, Nordburg, a boat. Now, when you're better we'll go sailing together, on a boat. We'll take a cruise just like last year." "drugs...." "Hey Nurse! Give this man some drugs, quick.. can't you see he's in pain? Give him a shot, quickly!" "no... heroin...heroin, Frank..." "Nordburg... that's a pretty tall order. You're gonna have to give me a couple a days on that one."

"I've heard police work is dangerous." "It is. That's why I carry a big gun." "Aren't you afraid it might go off accidentally?" "I used to have that problem." "What did you do about it?" "I just think about baseball."

"It's true what they say. Cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano. Sure, it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside."

“Nice beaver.” “Thank you. I just had it stuffed.” “Let me help you with that.”

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"You Idiot!"

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"Everyone at school thinks I'm a frikkin idiot coz of you."

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"What the heck are you guy's doing? Trying to ruin my life and make me look like a friggin idiot?"

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"...what the heck would you do in a situation like that?" "What kind of gun did you use? "A frikkin' 12-gauge, what do you think?"

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"...You ever come across anything like time travel?" "Easy. I've already looked into it for myself."

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"Hi." "Is grandma there?" "No, she's getting her hair done." "..." "What do you need?" "Can you just go get her for me?" "I'm really busy right now." "Just tell her to come get me." "Why?" "Cause I don't feel good!" "Well, have you talked to the school nurse?" "No, she doesn't know anything. Will you just come get me?" "No." "Well, will you do me a favor then? Can you bring me my chapstick?" "No, Napoleon." "But my lips hurt real bad!" "Just borrow some from the school nurse. I know she has like five sticks in her drawer." "I'm not gonna use hers, you sicko!" "See ya." "Ugh! Idiot!"

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"...But my lips hurt real bad..."

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“...A freakin' 12 gauge, what do you think?”

Holiday Road Song Clip

"...we just drove 2460 miles just for a little Roy Wally entertainment. The moose says you're closed, I say you're open."

"Sorry folks, we're closed for two weeks to clean and repair America's favorite family fun park. "

"I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper, it's just fine by itself huh?"

"I'm going steady and I French kiss." "So…everybody does that." "Yeah, but Daddy's says I'm the best at it."

"Why?" "Because we're the Griswolds."

"First year can be kinda scary, can it Timmy?" "My name's not..." "But you know what I've learned here in my seven years at Coolidge...Timmy? I've learned that you can't treat every situation as a life or death matter, 'cause you'll die a lot of times. Write that down." "I don't have a pencil." "Well remember that then. And you know something, Timmy? I think that you've got the balls to make it here. Call me nuts, but I believe in you.”

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"...give me a couple shots of whatever donkey piss you're shoveling down these cocksuckers throats."

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"Never say no to a hostage taker, it's in the manual. Now are you gonna tell me no again?" "No, I'm not......" "Errrk, wrong answer."

"I can't help you." "Uh, Debbie? Can I call you Debbie? 'Cause, uh, I felt a connection when I entered this office. And I don't know, I feel like you did too." "I didn't feel a connection."

"Ah, Teddy Roosevelt, right?" "Yes, a great visionary." "Yes, definitely. He was our fourth president, right?" "Twenty-sixth." "Twenty-sixth."

"It says here you were the CEO of Snaptime Industries. Care to elaborate on that?" "Sure. Well, that was the uh, Umbrella cooporation for my invention, Snapper. Ya know, snap, lights come on. Snap, on" "Uh uh uh. Didn't they already make that?" "No no, that's the clapper which obviously stole a bit of our thunder. Personally I don't really see what the big difference is, I mean...ya know, whatever. But, uhm, apparently there is a significant portion of population that has trouble actually...snapping." "Clapping's easier." "...debatable."

"Mr. Daley, I can honestly say in 43 years at this agency I've never seen a resume quite like yours. Ah, alright! That wasn't a compliment."

"Mr. Daley, I can honestly say in 43 years at this agency I've never seen a resume quite like yours. Ah, alright! That wasn't a compliment."

"...that was the umbrella corporation for my invention, The Snapper, you know, you snap and the lights come on..."

"...I didn't feel a connection."

"I can't help you. "Uh, Debbie? Can I call you Debbie? 'Cause I felt a connection when I entered this office and I don't know, I feel like you did too." "I didn't feel a connection."

"You got her badge number plus a month from now you got a date to meet her at the municipal state court ... YEAH! Very nice."

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