Socialite Paris Hilton was born on February 17, 1981 in New York City into the Hilton family and, along with her three younger siblings, is heir-apparent to the vast Hilton hotel and real estate dynasty. Her childhood was spent in palatial dwellings in the priciest neighborhoods on both coasts and featured a brief flirtation with the educational system, including high schooling at the ultra-exclusive Dwight School, from which she dropped out and ultimately earned her high school GED. Hilton is widely scorned for what some see as her narcissism, shallow intellect and materialism and for other things besides, but she seems to be aware of the old adage that there's no such thing as bad publicity and it should be evident even to her detractors that she is ambitious and driven to achieve, rather than simply basking in her family's vast fortune, as do so many other socialites. In fact, performing is only part of her many activities and she has dabbled in designing, writing (one hastens to add, with a professional writer on the team), nightclub management and even marketing video games - all of which feature Paris Hilton, front and center.

• August 13, 2008: Pledge Paris Sued!: OK, if the guys behind this lawsuit win, I'm totally taking Dane Cook to court to sue him for that free movie pass I used to watch the abominable GOOD LUCK CHUCK. Yeah, I know it didn't cost me anything, but I want admission to...
• August 6, 2008: Paris for Prez?: I'm undecided as to whether or not I like this ad. On one hand, it takes a funny approach to the shitty ad that McCain put out recently, featuring pictures of Obama amongst Paris and Brit-Brit. But on the other hand, having to watch Paris Hilton...
• May 20, 2008: Ha-Ha Hilton: OK, I know this picture is old, but it cracked me up. Bitch looks like she's adjusting her nuts. Poor Paris. You love having your picture taken but they never can manage to leave you alone long enough to get a good...
• February 29, 2008: Paris = Hammered Shit: I have no regret for saying that Paris Hilton is one ugly looking skank and that's why I rarely report about her on this site. We're focused on celebrities who actually have something to contribute to society and aren't living off their...
• November 26, 2007: Body Shop: Paris Hilton: Rarely can you find a woman who is even marginally beddable that arouses such disdain amongst the male community, but you have to admit that today's sample kind of makes you feel like you could get VD just from looking at her. She...
• October 29, 2007: Paris Is Creepy!: I know that the title of this post is pretty much how most people feel about Paris Hilton but the photos below really gave me a case of the frights when I saw them. Paris recently attended the "Playboy" Mansion Halloween party in Beverly Hills...
• June 11, 2007: Caption that Ass!!: It's your turn to come up with something clever and witty to impart upon the perverted masses who come to this site to laugh, smirk and jerk off. Post below!!
• December 12, 2006: Paris & Brit deny being lesbians: With Paris Hilton and Britney Spears photographed being exceptionally friendly with each other on their recently finished Vagina Showcase Party Tour, rumors had started to swell that they had taken their close friendship to the next logical...
• November 22, 2006: Paris pukes, Britney strips: [Update: We added high resolution shots of Britney's pants-less funfest.] Taking a cue from her former leech husband K-Fed, Britney Spears spent a night partying with Paris Hilton in Las Vegas to such an uninhibited extent that what started...
• November 20, 2006: Linds' & Paris take novelty out of celebrity nudity: At this point, we're not entirely sure why Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton bother with the cumbersome nuisance of clothes. Perhaps not so much Linds as savvy and limber photographers are the ones to blame for some of Linds' instances of public...
• November 1, 2006: Halloween Party Round-up Part 2: [Update Part II: How could we forget Paris Hilton at Hedi Klum's bash? We've rectified our mistake.] [Update: We've added Christina Aguilera at the Goulin Rouge Celebration, Lindsay Lohan at the Chateau Marmont, Michelle Trachtenberg and some...
• November 1, 2006: Halloween Party Round-up Part 1: [Update: Her Royal Vapid Whoreness Paris Hilton added.] So it seems we jumped the gun when we declared the "Space Cops" post our final Halloween-themed post because we awoke today to find there were Halloween parties raging everywhere. Which of...
• September 26, 2006: Paris sex tape sequel: Always the master of media manipulation, Paris Hilton will soon be completely erasing the memory of that sordid DUI arrest, which we'd like to point out is completely ludicrous as Paris herself explains she happened to be dying of hunger at the...
• September 25, 2006: Paris gets personal: Despite the apparenty superficiality (because were we to dissect it, we'd find levels of emotional, intellectual and philosophical complexity that our inferior brain couldn't even begin to comprehend) of her debut song and video "Stars Are Blind",...
• September 13, 2006: Paris gets rejected: We're starting to become very concerned about Paris Hilton's Party Slut Health. First, there was the ridiculous DUI charge for drinking one goddamn drink, then there was the rejection from an MTV after-party and now she's being rejected from yet...
• August 29, 2006: Paris a superhero?: Having dipped her perfectly manicured, arthropodan toe into most other facets of pop culture, Paris Hilton has apparently revealed in the latest issue of "Blender" magazine that she's forged a deal with Marvel forefather Stan Lee for a cinematic...
• August 23, 2006: YouTube uses Paris: YouTube's plan to guttle a significant chunk of the seventeen billion dollar online ad revenue pie will soon start by providing advertisers with their own channels filled with self-produced clips, which they in turn can use to sell sponsorship...
• August 17, 2006: Paris is record holder: Rather than being immortalized in 2007's Guiness Book of World Records for something more worthy of her grand stature in the pop culture landscape such as Most Prolific Penis Repository or Most STD's Accrued in Under an Hour, Paris Hilton will go...
• August 11, 2006: Monkey bites Paris: Some of of the more cynical out there may look at this report of Paris Hilton being attacked by her adopted pet monkey and think that even simians can smell the stench of Paris' insipid nature and react accordingly but we like to take the high...
• July 31, 2006: Paris clone does Playboy: After years of failing to convince the real Paris Hilton to appear in their hallowed pages, Playboy is now turning to the right-pictured prominent Paris look-alike, Natalie Reid, to sate their need to snap glamorous nudes of the heiress media...
• July 17, 2006: Paris is Oscar winner: So convinced is Paris Hilton of her acting prowess, not only does she liken her talent to Charlize Theron but she believes that, like Charlize, she will one day be attending the Academy Awards to collect a golden naked Oscar and feigning...
• July 15, 2006: Paris gives up sex: Paris Hilton recently dropped an earth-shattering bomb by declaring a year-long sexual abstinence. Explains Paris: I'm doing it just because I want to. I feel I'm becoming stronger as a person. Every time I have a boyfriend, I'm just so romantic,...
• July 11, 2006: Paris goes inter-species: You see how benevolent Paris Hilton is? She's extended her sexual reach beyond just humans and into other species. Because why she should have to limit herself to homo sapiens when there are literally millions of species out there she could...
• July 6, 2006: Paris wants babies: Paris Hilton recently expressed her desire to have children as she feels she's brimming with love that, unsurprisingly, just cannot be contained by servicing three-fourths of the male populace. According to our beloved Herr Hilton: I know in my...
• May 30, 2006: Paris wants to rap: Paris Hilton wants us to take note that her upcoming album will not be littered solely with infuriatingly annoying typical pop confections but instead will be an ecclectic assortment of musical ecstasy ranging from reggae to hip hop. Says La...
• May 21, 2006: Paris is surprised: Ohmigod, my boobs almost popped out! That's so weird! I didn't even notice anything! That NEVER happens!
• May 12, 2006: Paris, still an idiot: The pictures above and below show Paris Hilton at the recently-commenced Electronic Entertainment Expo (or as it's known by the cool kids E3) where she debuted her new mobile phone video game Paris Hilton's Jewel Jam. Arriving late and making...
• May 3, 2006: Paris & Stavros done: We regret to inform you that the pure, almost celestial love that can exist only between a socialite media mainstay and a Greek shipping heir has reached a devastating, bittersweet end. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Paris Hilton and Stavros Niarchos...
• April 9, 2006: Paris rejects Vanessa?: Are we crazy or is The Insect Whore Queen actually making a gesture that suggests she'd rather not be in a tight embrace with the painfully hot MTV VJ Vanessa Minnillo? Let's hope The Upright Arthropod is just so stoned out of her mind, she...
• February 13, 2006: Paris is Mother Teresa: Within minutes of going live with a news item that almost crippled our system, we've received an item that actually did cripple our system. In fact, its potency was such that it killed half our operatives and its voicing out loud has recently...
• February 7, 2006: Paris and Val tonsil hockey: We seem to recall not too long ago Val Kilmer was admonishing the media for their obsessive coverage of every detail of Paris Hilton's naked life. Why, then, Vally, are you tongue-licking the woman? And don't you dare blame your obvious...
• February 7, 2006: Paris being extorted for whoreness: We've deferred posting anything related to Paris Hilton simply because we despise the abhorrent slut with a fiery passion that burns brighter than a supernova. And we feel that detailing her exploits, as amusing as they always are, only fuels her...