Steve Martin is the quintessential, silver-tongued con man, Master Sergeant Ernie Bilko. He is in charge of the Ft. Baxter motor pool, but specializes in free-enterprise capitalism. Bilko believes deep in his soul that the U.S. Army is comprised of hard-working men and women who have earned a diversion from their patriotic labors. He has merely made it his personal responsibility to offer them recreation and a host of other items of valuable merchandise.

Juggling a fine line between military regimen, the free- enterprise system and non-stop casino gambling, Bilko must salvage a relationship with his long-suffering girlfriend Rita Robbins (Glenne Headly), who has been stood up at the altar once too often.