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Troy (2004)
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Review Date: May 13, 2004
Director: Wolfgang Petersen
Writer: David Benioff
Producers: Wolfgang Petersen, Diana Rathbun, Colin Wilson
Actors:
Brad Pitt
Eric Bana
Orlando Bloom
Plot:
The story of Achilles...the man with the heel. No, wait. This film essentially follows the Greek army back in 1100 B.C., when they wanted to conquer everyone around them. But Troy was hands-off, that is, until the king of Troy's wimpy son went and stole a Greek king's wife right from under his nose. Ela, rhe! That action pissed everyone off and the next thing you know, over 1000 Greek boats are headed to Troy to get the girl back...and to kick ass. Brad Pitt as Achilles, the greatest warrior of his time, also tags along for the ride. Greeks battling it out over a chick ensues (it's like I'm back in high school).
Critique:
Overall, this film just ran a little too long, a little too redundant and a little too boring for my taste. It's a decent movie, with solid performances from both Brad Pitt and Eric Bana, but I can't say that any specific character intrigued me much, involved me on any type of emotional level and ultimately, had me giving a shit about what happened to them. Pitt's relationship with his Tom Sizemore look-a-like partner in war was probably the best developed relationship in the entire movie...and that's saying a lot. As for Orlando Bloom and his character...wow, I think this guy gets the lifetime achievement award for being the biggest pussy in the world! If this guy had any less balls, he'd be a stay-at-home soccer dad. Jesus Christ...how about giving this dink a little backbone? He looked like he was gonna take a pee in every shot (or was that Peter O'Toole?) I'm supposed to invest myself in this story of epic proportions and it's all being fought out for some prissy kid who doesn't know shit one about honor, love or war? Forget that! I also didn't think the character of his girlfriend, the infamous "Helen" over whom much of the hoopla begins in the first place, was given any personality or life either. She just stood around, looking pretty and pretending to matter. In fact, I think she may just have been the first "trophy wife" in the history of the world. Actually, most of the ladies in the film were about as paper-thin as my penis. Brian Cox's character was decent, but he progressively lost his mind as the film ran along and ultimately lost me too. The same can be said about the film's action sequences, all of which were well executed, but over time, sorta "lost me" with three consecutive years of Orcs charging into monster walls, kind of taking the "fun" out of any other movie that attempts the same.

What do you say, Hollywood...a 2-year moratorium on all flicks featuring armies of thousands charging into other armies of thousands? It's been done to death and it's getting a tad stale at this point. The film didn't entirely lose me though, with Pitt's coolness, his character's solo stance and even the rinky-dink romance between him and the supposed beggar chick, all working to a certain extent. Add that to the umpteen shots of Pitt's naked butt, his bare FIGHT CLUB-esque six-pack and plenty of wardrobe kinkiness featuring the man in black leather skirts (no joke) and you've got yourself a good time for anyone who enjoys Pitt as an actor and as a piece of ham-and-cheese. Some of his dialogue, along with others', felt a tad contrived though, but I guess that comes with the historical territory. The film's final "coup de grace" was fun though, particularly the showdowns between Pitt and anyone in his path, especially Bana (loved that one "jump move" Pitt had and milked). I also enjoyed a few particular scenes like the one in which Peter O'Toole's character asked Pitt for a "favor", but what kind of half-assed warring factions decide to "call it a day" in the afternoon ("I think that's about it for today...") or don't notice a fleet of a thousand ships "hiding" on the side of a beach? I don't know. I also wish they'd cut about half an hour from the film, especially all that stuff about Achilles and his need to have his name "remembered" (we got it the first ten times this was mentioned) and how this "God" or that "God" is going to protect or punish so-and-so. I tuned in to my own God Of I Don't Give A Shit during some of those dragged out scenes.

All that said, I know it might sound like I'm totally bashing the film, but it was decent overall, with undeniably brilliant production and costume design, entertaining action sequences (at least, the first few and the last one), a rousing score, good showings from both Pitt and Bana, and a pat ending. I much preferred the film's original title though: GREEK GUYS IN SHORT SKIRTS. Yassoo!!
(c) 2017 Berge Garabedian
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10:34AM on 12/30/2005
A very well done epic that stays true to the material it was based on and makes good use of its supporting actors. While Brad Pitt, Eric Bana, and Orlando Bloom do good jobs as the leading men; it's Peter O'Toole, Brian Cox, and Sean Bean that stand out as far as performances go. Peter O'Toole is a legend; even now he can make a performance stand out above the other actors around him - like Bana and Pitt. Bryan Cox also demands attention when he's playing a badass. And Sean Bean, although with
A very well done epic that stays true to the material it was based on and makes good use of its supporting actors. While Brad Pitt, Eric Bana, and Orlando Bloom do good jobs as the leading men; it's Peter O'Toole, Brian Cox, and Sean Bean that stand out as far as performances go. Peter O'Toole is a legend; even now he can make a performance stand out above the other actors around him - like Bana and Pitt. Bryan Cox also demands attention when he's playing a badass. And Sean Bean, although with limited screen time, is always welcome in any epic.

The three stars weren't bad, but they weren't great. They didn't stand out or anything. Brad Pitt seemed to be used more for eye candy than anything else. Orlando Bloom seems to be playing the same damn character in every movie; Eric Bana did the best job of the three playing the leader of an army while still being a caring family man. The final fight between Bana and Pitt was pretty freakin' cool.

There were a lot of cause and effect sequences in the movie. For example, when one character did or didn't do one thing (for reasons of arrogance, strategy, religion, whatever), how that would affect occurrences later on that those characters would regret greatly. And each of these cause and effects would lead to later such occurrences.

The movie wasn't bogged down with special effects. They did use them (of course) - the 1,000 ships shot is cool as well as the army fight sequences - but it seemed the filmmakers made good use of as many extras as possible. There were several "sweeping" shots that added flare to the "beach-look."

Other than the main actors not giving what I thought could've been more to their performances, some of the scenes that tried to be serious or dramatic turned out to be more funny. Kind of like the whining scene in Gladiator: "Now they love Maximus for his mercy." and I remember laughing at how pathetic the emperor was. Something like that.

With decent performances by its lead actors and superb outings by the people around them, Troy is a very well made epic. The story moves along with its battle sequences, love scenes, touching moments, and a great finale. It also stays, for the most part (nobody's perfect), true to The Iliad. Not as good as Braveheart or Gladiator but it's not far behind.
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2:10PM on 07/25/2005

jump attack

I had such high hopes for this movie and it didn't live up to any of them. (jump attack) All things considered it was a pretty good movie, but thats it, just pretty good. It ran a bit long and didn't develop the players very deeply, but overall it was entertaining. (jump attack) The biggest surprise for me was that Brad Pitt was so blah in the role of Achillies. (jump attack) He's generally an inspired and exciting actor but not here. I'm not saying he was bad, but when someone is so
I had such high hopes for this movie and it didn't live up to any of them. (jump attack) All things considered it was a pretty good movie, but thats it, just pretty good. It ran a bit long and didn't develop the players very deeply, but overall it was entertaining. (jump attack) The biggest surprise for me was that Brad Pitt was so blah in the role of Achillies. (jump attack) He's generally an inspired and exciting actor but not here. I'm not saying he was bad, but when someone is so consistantly great i hold them to a higher standard (Seven, Legends of the Fall, and Fight Club, c'mon he ruled). He wasn't even very intimidating for such a great warrior, Eric Bana as Hector on the other hand was pretty bad ass. (jump attack) Take Braveheart, Lord of the Rings, Pearl Harbor and Gladiator, squish them together and you get Troy (though not as good as Braveheart, not as gay as Lord of the Rings, not as terrible as Pearl Harbor, and not as well acted as Gladiator). Oh, and...JUMP ATTACK.
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