10 Awkward Movie Blow-Jobs
I imagine all mainstream movie blow-jobs are awkward in one way or another, unless you're Chloe Sevigny. Something tells me there isn't an acting class for pretending to have a dick in your mouth while bobbing up and down in front of a flesh colored banana hammock. And what if there's an erection involved? How does everybody in the room ignore that? It makes for good cinema though, and that's what we're here to talk about - movies and blow-jobs. I wonder why I've never won an award for my writing.
10. Stinky BJ - MALLRATS
The actual awkwardness of this blow-job is left to our imagination as Brodie (Jason Lee) tells TS (Jeremy London) his girlfriend dumped him because he farted while she was going down on him. The epitome of dick & fart jokes.
9. Paranormal BJ - GHOSTBUSTERS
Getting head from dead people is pretty weird. Especially when the dead hottie looks exactly like your real-life wife. What was more awkward though is when I forgot about this scene and threw it on for my 6-year-old niece and she asked why the ghost is taking his pants off. Uh.... remember Slimer? He was funny, right?
8. Vehicular BJ - PARENTHOOD
The picture above has nothing to do with the scene but seeing Steve Martin with a fistful of dildo makes me giggle, so I threw it in there. The actual blow-job in question is given by Mary Steenburgen to Martin to relieve some stress on the road. They then proceed to run off the road and smash into shit. That last paragraph was sooooo stressful to write. I'll be right back.
7. Seizure BJ - MISS MARCH
Epilepsy, fellatio, and strobe lights don't mix. This is what I learned here. Also, when you decide to ignore my fancy blow-job advice and try this at home, make sure you have a fork handy to stab her in the face with after she locks down on your junk. I learned that too. Me learn good.
6. Decapitated BJ - HAUTE TENSION
Getting head in your truck on the side of the road is risky. What if someone sees? No worries here though because when the authorities come asking what the hell is going on he can just tell them "Jokes on you, Pig. I wern't havin' no sex in public, I was fuckin' this here skull from the bitch I slaughtered up yonder." Drive safe.
See you in a bit with 5-1
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10:25PM on 11/02/2009