De Niro vs. Pacino
I knew I had to celebrate the teaming of my two favourite actors
this weekend one way or another. It might not ever happen again and I could care
less if RIGHTEOUS KILL ends up being dog shit (I haven't seen it yet), their
first two films together were two of the best I'll ever see. I didn't know how
to approach the article at first. Best movies? Too boring. Best performances?
Too hard. Worst Movies? Too easy. At some point I started wondering what would
happen if they fought each other (the FIGHT CLUB poster above my desk talks to
me) and that eventually led to if they fought each other in character. Ten
times. Using ten different characters each. And that, friends, is how a Ten Spot
is born. I picked ten of their most memorable rolls and pitted them against one
another to see who, in fact, has the most badass resume. Don't mind the rankings
on either side, I had to move some around to make sure the fights were fair. If
you're still reading this and wondering who's art I stole for the title picture,
wonder no more.
Click here for 10-6
5. Max Cady
(CAPE FEAR) vs.
Carlito Brigante (CARLITO'S WAY)
I had to skip this one my first time through the list. These are
two of my favourite characters ever going head to head in an imaginary fight in
which I determine the outcome. I needed some time, and a couple shots of
courage. After three boxes of wine and a cherry hooker I found myself
uncomfortably staring at that picture of De Niro and wondering if he was looking
at me. He was, and that was all I needed. DENIRO-4, PACINO-2
4. Al Capone
(THE UNTOUCHABLES)
vs. Satan (THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE)
Al desperately needs to stop the bleeding so he goes all out
here. Capone shows up with his trusty bat but forgets his bible as Horn Head
obliterates him with nothing more than a couple fireballs and a pitchfork.
Predictably, there's a price put on Satan's head and Charlize Theron gets naked.
DENIRO-4, PACINO-3
3. Travis Bickle
(TAXI DRIVER) vs.
Frank Slade (SCENT OF A WOMAN)
Ninety-five percent of this fight is spent with Bickle asking
Slade if he's talking to him. The glassy-eyed stare into the distance is messing
with Travis' mind and Frank doesn't help matters by ending each sentence with "Whoo-ahhh!"
Bick finally snaps and takes out the guns as Shady Slady makes a run for it and
gets run down in the street by a taxi. Ironic. DENIRO-5, PACINO-3
2. Jake La Motta
(RAGING BULL) vs.
Tony Montana (SCARFACE)
Jake starts out by working the ribs and opening things up for
his powerful right. Tony seems spent as he heads back to his corner after round
two. He passes on the spit bucket and grabs a machine gun. Round three explodes
into a messy blood bath as Tony kills everybody in the building. Pictures of the
event hang on the walls of college students and hardcore rap artists for years.
DENIRO- 5, Pacino-4
1. Vito Corleone
(THE GODFATHER II)
vs. Michael Corleone (THE GODFATHER I,II,III)
Michael thinks twice before fighting this younger version of his
father knowing that if he kills him he will cease to exist (he just got done
watching BACK TO THE FUTURE) and that's all the opportunity Vito needs. Without
the slightest bit of emotion, Vito slits Michaels throat and lets him bleed out
in front of his brothers. Fredo shits himself. FINAL RESULTS: DENIRO-6,
PACINO-4
It was a good battle but Pacino's boys spent a little bit too
much time with the yelling and the carrying on while De Niro's legacy is made up
of guys that enjoy killing people. They're two of the greatest actors we'll ever
see. I hope you get a chance to appreciate that.
PREVIOUSLY:
10 Awkward Movie Blow-Jobs
10 Costume Suggestions
10 Fictional Towns I'd Like To Move To
10 Reasons I Never Pick Up Hitchhikers
12 Great Moments in Unorganized Sports
My 10 Favorite Elevator Scenes
10 Fun-Filled Prison Riots
Hotties vs. Geeks II
10 Awesome Ex-Cops
10 Awesome Movie Pool Parties
The Ten Spot... archives here
Email to a Friend
Print Article
RSS Feeds
Send us a Scoop!
JoBlo on Twitter!
5:14PM on 09/19/2008
But at least this thing proves why Ben Affleck is such a lousy actor...
But at least this thing proves why Ben Affleck is such a lousy actor...