My Ten Favourite Movie Sluts
My wife walked down here just after I posted that title and stared at the screen for a while. After an exaggerated sigh she silently turned away and went to bed. I don't what she's upset about more, me using the word slut when referring to women or the fact that I have ten favourite of them. I'm glad I didn't go with my original idea of The Ten Hottest Retarded Women. I also want to apologize to Tara Reid. I Googled "movie sluts" and she was one of the first pictures to come up. It all felt so right. On with my women issues.
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5. Annie -
BULL DURHAM (1988)
At first glance one might think this is a love story. Look a little closer and you'll be wondering how much love is involved with a woman that picks a new player every season to screw. She says it's in the name of "The Church of Baseball". I say it's in the name of getting laid every summer.
4. Little Bill's Wife -
BOOGIE NIGHTS (1997)
She loses a little bit of her slut credentials by being a paid professional (does that even remotely make sense?) but every time we see her getting plugged it's off screen and usually in front of her husband. Let this be a lesson to all those loose women out there too - guns will close your legs for good.
3. Rae -
BLACK SNAKE MOAN (2006)
I never knew slutiness was a disease until I caught this movie. This chick was so horny I'm suprised she didn't break off a table leg to varnish. Hey, if JT was my boyfriend I'd be looking to get pumped every five minutes too.
2. Kelly -
WILD THINGS (1998)
No character was safe from Kelly's nudeness in this film. Even when her man starts rubbing on another woman she just slips her tongue in there and gets some from the other side of the fence. And she's always wet. Sluts are always wet.
1. Wendy
- PORKY'S (1982)
She's on the far right if you haven't seen it (and shame on you if you haven't). Any woman that sees a cock sticking out of a hole in the shower and says "Hey, I know that guy" has been around. I love how she basically gets pimped out at the end of the movie when she has to bang Pee Wee in the bus and she just laughs and goes along with it. Imagine saying to your girlfriend, "If this plan to destroy the strip club we went to last week works you have to screw my little buddy over there on this bus while everybody stands outside the window laughing." It doesn't go over well, I've tried.
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4:07PM on 09/06/2008