10 Awesome
Self-Portrayals
Sorry Bob (above) but that title pic is the only love you'll be
getting in this list. As much as I wanted to search through the trillions of
cameo appearances by celebrities playing themselves I decided to stick with the
meatier roles and free up some time for that bottle of rum whispering at me from
across the room. I once wrote a script called OUR HERO specifically for William
Katt (the guy who played The Greatest American Hero) where he actually gets
super powers similar to the television show but nobody believes him. He ends up
turning evil and starts killing everybody until Christopher Reeve reveals that
he really is Superman and kicks his ass. My phone calls were not returned.
Anyway, enough about my failures, enjoy the list. I'll tell the bottom of the
bottle you said hi.
Click here for 10-6
5. Jennifer Tilly -
SEED OF CHUCKY (2004)
Jen has never really been more than an annoying voice and great
cleavage in the world of Hollywood but you really have to give her some credit
here as she spends an entire film making fun of herself while starring alongside
three dolls. We get to see her struggling with her weight by sneaking chocolate
bars, bitch about Julia Roberts, and reference those boobs of hers more than a
few times. Honourable mention to Redman here too.
4. The Beatles -
HELP! (1965)
I imagine there was a time when The Beatles could have made
anything they wanted to and people would have killed their mothers to see it.
This film is no exception. When Ringo can't remove a sacrificial ring from his
finger him and his band mates find themselves a target for some Asian cult
crazies, mad scientists, and police people. Musical numbers ensue often.
3. Howard Stern -
PRIVATE PARTS (1997)
The thing that gets me about this film is Stern's genuine
heart-warming performance. Gone is the obnoxious ego, womanizing, and pointless
annoyances. He really shows us the man behind the show and his dedication to his
wife and co-workers. Is it all an act? Probably, but I'm a sucker for these
loser-makes-good movies. Especially when they include a scene with Jenna Jameson
getting off on the bass of a speaker. Topless.
2. Neil Patrick Harris -
HAROLD AND KUMAR ESCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY (2008)
Playing yourself is one thing. Playing yourself as a complete
psychopath is NPH's thing. What started as a cameo in the first film extends
here into an epic portrayal of sex-crazed lunacy and drug induced
hallucinations. This film is funny as f*ck, people. Believe it.
1. John Malkovich -
BEING JOHN MALKOVICH (1999)
The farther along I got in writing this column the more I
realized number one isn't even going to be close. John Malkovich is so f*cking
brilliant here it's a travesty he didn't get nominated for an Oscar. That scene
above, when he enters his own portal, is terribly disturbing, unbelievably
funny, and oddly scary all at the same time. And believe me when I say it is
literally all Malkovich's doing. Malcatraz rules!
PREVIOUSLY:
10 Awkward Movie Blow-Jobs
10 Costume Suggestions
10 Fictional Towns I'd Like To Move To
10 Reasons I Never Pick Up Hitchhikers
12 Great Moments in Unorganized Sports
My 10 Favorite Elevator Scenes
10 Fun-Filled Prison Riots
Hotties vs. Geeks II
10 Awesome Ex-Cops
10 Awesome Movie Pool Parties
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1:25PM on 10/16/2008