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Assault on Precinct 13 (remake)(2005)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Jean-François Richet

Ethan Hawke/Sgt. Roenick
Laurence Fishburne/Bishop
Gabriel Byrne/Duvall
7 10
Under staffed precinct on New Years eve + burned out cop (Hawke) on pain killers + a suave Laurence Fishburne doing his thing + a handful of convicts on the inside + a horde of “set to kill” crooked cops on the outside with mucho guns = PARTY TIME!

I want to live; as opposed to I don't want to die. — Jake Roenick

Another remake I missed out on last year on purpose (I opted to see Carpenter’s original for the first time instead) and another film I was urged to check out by all my ball breaking, testosterone driven buddies. “Come on man you got to see it, it owns!” “Come on bro, I’ll lend you my DVD, you don’t even have to pay for it!” ALL RIGHT! I SAW IT NOW! STEP OFF!

Yes, like the bitch that I am, I broke, slapped the damn flick in my DVD player and… startlingly enough… had a cross firing blast on my big comfy couch with it. I didn’t see that one coming! Whilst John Carpenter’s cult classic took elements from Rio Bravo and Night of the Living Dead to offer up an interesting concoction of genre bending B Movie Awesomeness; this remake took one aspect and sprinted with it as far as it could within a similar narrative structure; its action. Although the result was not as compelling for me as Carpenter’s more novel and horror inclined approach to the material, that’s not to say that this remake wasn’t without merits. In fact, as a pure bread, adrenaline laced action movie it “ra-ta-tated” the goods in spades and then some!

All of the kool action movie bases were heavily covered here! Grungy yet likeable leads? Check! Ethan Hawke was the hombre as the burned out cop while Lawrence Fishburne was so effortlessly hypnotizing. Talk about kook cat presence! What about a memorable villain? We got that too? Although shamefully underwritten, the mere sight of THE BYRNE made it happen! That’s Gabriel Byrne to you bub! The man didn’t do much but his edgy “show up” was much appreciated by this jerk. Next down the list of macho goodness: a truck load of guns. If like me you get-off on artillery like other dudes get-off on cars; then you’ll be climbing the pole to the top here. Hand guns, sniper rifles, lazer sightings, silencers…we get the works on this quick fix pizza and I relished every spent cartridge! And it should be said that the gorgeously shot snowy setting that all the bang-bang took place in added pizzazz to the carnage. I actually got flashbacks of playing Rainbow Six while watching this film…yes that’s a huge compliment.

On narrative standpoint; the flick played it economical and to the point. A slick set up, an explosive middle section and a grab by the balls conclusion. Serviceable? Yup. Could’ve been more? Sure. Worked moderately well anyways? You bet your neighbors’ ass! You won’t get bored during this ride that’s for sure! I particularly grooved to the scripts honesty with itself as it had no qualm in killing off likeable characters (That I thought would live), offering up flawed heroes or revealing a traitor whilst following logic as opposed to “audience pleasing” zero sense moves. I truly respected that jive; it’s called integrity! Tag to all a zippy pace, trick loads of enthralling shootouts/situations, flashy directing that will keep you tweaked up, astounding cinematography and brilliant sound design and you get a solid action bash that should please the POW-WOW junkies of the world.

Any dead loads? Well it is a remake so it begged to be compared to the more uniquely tackled original but that’s just me yapping thin air at ya. And thanks God for the Grade A cast who elevated their mostly thinly written characters and made them shine with humanity, hence making them people to care for. Furthermore, I would’ve liked to have seen the relationships of the oppressed trapped inside the precinct focused upon a bit more. There was some good stuff there, should’ve of capitalized on it further. And why was THE BYRNE hardly in the movie? An actor of his caliber should be over-used not under- used. Bow your head in shame Mr. Filmmaker. Lastly, a couple of plot holes and conveniences did grate me; with the sudden realization that there’s a “tunnel” under the compound getting to me the most. Hey genius! How about letting the group know about that freaking underground passageway 10 minutes into the attack? Oh I get it! It wouldn’t have served the plot if you had done that? F*ck you then!

When all was said and shot in the forehead heartlessly, Assault on Precinct 13 2005 resulted in a sugary slice of well crafted, seat of your pants and guns blazing, action pie. You have the right to remain silent on this one or go out with a bang! Pick a course of action convict!

Head shots, stomach gashes, knife in the throat via under the chin, flesh wounds galore and strong moments of brutality. Not a gorefest but the violence was handled in realistic/graphic fashion which is always good in my book.
Ethan Hawke (Sgt. Roenick) was in tip-top shape as the dead beat, cynical, yet likeable hero. Loved him! Laurence Fishburne (Bishop) was too kool for recess, the man oozed of charisma, menace and presence. Gabriel Byrne (Duvall) wasn’t given much meat but he did what he could and Byrned the place up! John Leguizamo (Beck) was credible as the strung out junkie. He annoyed me a tad though; not his fault; the part was jarring in itself. Maria Bello (Alex) was not only gorgeous but she also brought lots of humanity to her character. Brian Dennehy (Jasper O'Shea) played his “First Blood typecast” to a “T”. Gruff cop to the core with an attitude! Drea de Matteo (Iris) was hotter than hell and convincing in the role. Nice legs on that hamster! Ja Rule (Smiley) played Ja Rule, right down to the handcuffs on his wrists.
T & A
Drea de Matteo’s long and luscious legs almost made up for the lack of boobage in the film.
Jean-François Richet floored the gas pedal with his flashy, quick cut heavy and ADD friendly display. High energy, crazy shots, furious pace, you won’t be bored! Props go to his DOP as well for perfectly capturing the snowy/desolate location. Stunning!
The score by genius Graeme Revell got the job motherf*cking done and so did the assortment of new/old school ditties.
Assault on precinct 13 wasn’t up to par with the more novel original if you ask me or my talking finger named “Tony”, but as a focused, well cast, eye pleasing, no bullshit, guns/action driven celluloid trip, you can’t go wrong. Yes, the characters could’ve been jacked up and the script fixed up here and there but I still had a whooping good time with it and at the end of the day, that’s all I needed on this lazy afternoon.
Mark "Marky Mark"Wahlberg was offered the role of Jake Roenick (played by Ethan Hawke) and said no dice...thank god!

The flick was shot in Detroit, Michigan, USA and Toronto, Ontario, Canada for $20,000,000 clams.