Reviews & Counting
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Joe Lynch

Salma Hayek/Everly
Jennifer Blanc/Dena
Togo Igawa/Sadist
Akie Kotabe/Dead Man
8 10
After surviving being gang raped by members of the Yakusa on Christmas Eve in a studio apartment, hooker Everly (Salma Hayek) locks and loads and wants out in the name of getting her momma and daughter to safety. Alas, her vindictive mob boss “owner” keeps sending waves of killers her way, making her departure a far more difficult task than anticipated. What’s a lady to do but kick off her high heels shoes and whoop that ass!?!
January 2015 has been an underwhelming or/and painful month at the movies thus far for this jack-ass. I tapped the well done yet forgettable THE WOMAN IN BLACK 2, the disappointing REC 4, the shit sandwich that was VICE and the meh THE VOICES (my keyboard drivel about it up next week). So yeah, it has been a lousy time at the movies in terms of new stuff. I had to go back in time and re-watch THE LAST SAMURAI (2003) to remind me what a superior flick felt like. But today, my 2015 average/shitty film streak has finally come to an end! Today I saw Joe Lynch’s EVERLY!

Now, the only other Joe Lynch film I’ve ever seen was the 2007 sequel WRONG TURN 2 which rocked in terms of striving higher than the STD sequel norm and throwing all kinds of exploitation nades my way. And I’m happy to report Lynch has topped that one with his latest wam-bam-splat effort, which starred the talented and sexy Salam Hayek and comes out on VOD this week on Janury 23rd (and in theatres on February 27). It’s funny because while I was watching EVERLY all I kept thinking was “the independent filmmaking spirit is alive and well in this one”. Odd thing to think about while watching a cleavage pimping dame blow every type of scumbag you can think of away in grisly fashion, but hey, to me, there was high art amidst the carnage, gun play and countless dead bodies. Whether it was by way of Lynch’s inventive camera moves/angles (wait till you see that end crane shot...wow), the moments of high tension (one scene had me by the balls i.e. The Sadist at play), the bleak sense humor (all about Everly’s talent with grenades...lol), or the raw/ impactful brutal action bits (action as directed by a horror director - you do the math) – there’s was something beautiful going on here and I was eating it all up like Farrah Abraham at a back-door sausage party!

Moreover, the casting of Salma Hayek as the lead ass kicker was a genius move! The lady had all of the needed traits to sell us on this particular character. She had the acting chops to nail the dramatic scenes, the physical presence to pull of the action bits and the sexiness to light up the screen and my chinos. This was Salma Hayek in Desperado but times 10! Loved her here! The supporting cast was able as well. Top of my head; Togo Igawa gave me the creeps as “The Sadist”, Jennifer Blanc had a  memorable stint as a murderous money hungry harlot, Laura Cepeda was intense/credible as the loving mother while Akie Kotabe turned in a subtle yet mucho affable show as the "dying man". Tag to all that an effortless pace, some dramatic moments that actually worked (taking into account they were slapped in such a nutty flick), off the wall turn of events, a sick use of Christmas music (Silent Night at the end was the tits) and a slew of “out there” characters and you get a lean, funny, twisted and action charged dittie!

On the downside, the film had a major turn to serve the plot that challenged my suspension of disbelief to an arm wrestling match. I’m talking a whopper here, the one that pretty much defined the middle section of the movie. But once I got over it, I managed to stay hooked to the story, move on and keep having a hoot... but for 5 minutes or so, my head was shaking no and I had already come up with at least 1 “safer/smarter” way for our heroine to achieve her goal. Finally, the last act suffered of the “Bond Villain Syndrome” i.e. a bad guy that just won’t clam up and do what needs to be done, it was too grating to be unintentionally comical. Finally the child actress on hand looked great on camera but  didn’t have much range; no big whoop, they played it smart in the editng and focused on Hayek's acting, but I noticed and it needed to be spat.

On the whole; EVERLY was an insane, sexy and mayhem filled good time that simply didn’t give a flying bleep! It was what it was with no apologies and it went for the jugular with glee! I RESPECT THAT! You like your films fast, bold and red-wet messy! Take Everly out on a date! The girl won’t let you down!
This bad-girl didn't hold back! Am talking all kinds of blood shed, nasty gun shot wounds, some fun with acid, a dude with half of his torso sliced off, some stabbings, an impaling and much more! Gorehounds rejoice!
T & A
Although filled to the brim with courtesans i.e. whores, the tit shot count was surprisingly low here. We do get Salma Hayek's butt, her in a bra and lots of attention to her bobbling cleavage and the ladies and gay gents get some dude's naked ass.
Budget limitations can often force a filmmaker to think outside the box, hence come up with ideas that are more creative than the norm. EVERLY was one of them cases! The flick made the most and then some of its “set in one location” motif, sported wild camera work, morbidly funny sight gags, a leading lady (Salma!!!) that hit all of the right notes and a killer supporting cast. It also cranked up the violence to f*ck yeah, had poignant drama, palpable tension and tossed enough messed up characters and turns my way to keep me on my toes! Want fries with that? No. You be motherf*cking full! Sure the film had one trivial WTF turn to serve the plot and I didn’t care for the “bad guy” won’t shut his pie hole device during the last act, but that didn’t come close to ruining my overall experience. Wanna tap something fresh, gruesome, audacious and demented? Everly! Right f*cking here!
Kate Hudson was going to play Everly at first but eventually booked out.

Joe Lynch calls Everly " Die Hard-meets-Lars von Trier"! LOL! Good call!