Reviews & Counting
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
The Breed(2006)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Nicholas Mastandrea

Michelle Rodriguez/Nicki
Oliver Hudson/John
Taryn Manning/Sara
Hill Harper/Noah
6 10
A group of happy-go-party kids hit a deserted island (Of course they do!) to bring the house down. But instead of getting sloshed and laid; they find themselves battling genetically enhanced, killer dogs. And how was your weekend?

Dogs, dogs dogs! Love them when they're nice, love them more when they Kibble n Bits the shite out of dumb horror film characters. Cujo, Man's Best Friend, My Ex on all Fours...yup I've seen my fair share of dogs go coo-coo entries. And no matter how uneven they have been; one thing was always there to love: it had a dog biting the crap out of people. What else can one want out of an evening? So it was with that mindset that I walked The Breed outside for it to do poo-poo and am happy to report that I had a pleasant stroll.

Much like this pitiful excuse for a film review, The Breed was easy to break down. The first 20 minutes consisted of  typical, vacuous, soap opera-ish teen character development. Couldn't say I gave much of a hoot about the twats populating the film at that point. The "my brother stole my girl" subplot was "yawn" to say the least and the "token black guy" character was just that, token in all of his grating stereotypical glory. Yawn again! But then something happened; something that went beyond Michelle Rodriguez finally looking and acting like a member of the female species on film as opposed to some butch wannabe; and that something was...KILLER DOGS!

The glorious arrival of the peeved, mean looking (and obviously well trained) pooches brought an all new energy to the film. I'm barking: intense attack sequences, edge of your seat stalk & howl bits and mucho tension laced "must not get dog chowed; must run" sequences. YEEHAW! Furthermore, the flick put out enough money shots (all about that arrow going through the dog in mid air) and elaborate "must escape" chunks (that slide down the wire shite was tight) to slap a grin on this hound dog's face. I was having a blast in my kennel! Add to that the sweet brisk pace, the competent acting by most, solid "action directing" and some fairly brutal Scooby-snack-attacks that had the genre loving whore in me wanna give it a discount and you get a buck and half of easy petting entertainment. 

With that howled at the moon; it was a freaking shame that the film never ran with its better ideas. I mean having the people who were bitten by the juiced up canines "act funny" was a tantalizing device, sadly it never went anywhere. Same can be barked about the background info on the dogs; it was hinted at but never brought home. And what was up with that dumb-ass group move in the middle of the film? Yeah, we just got attacked by psycho dogs...now what? Lets party like its 1969? COME ON! You want me to root for these clowns or bite their heads off myself? Finally the final frame made me groan like a midget with a piano dropped on his big midget toe. They had to go that oh so freaking played out way to cap it off...they had to!

At the end of the jaw snap; The Breed didn't hurt much and its high quotient of adrenaline charged, man vs. nutty dogs get downs made sure to make it a film worth watching at least once; more preferably with beers and buddies in tow. You gonna bend over and let Rover take over to give ya a bone of his own? Or you gonna neuter the bitch? YOUR MOVE FIDO!

Not overtly gory but brutal enough. Nasty dog bites, bow & arrow damage, one slick impaling and blood here and there.
This is the first film that I've seen where Michelle Rodriguez (Nicki) actually comes across as a woman. A tough chick no doubt but still a woman. And a hot one at that! I didn't miss her usual butch shtick one bit! Oliver Hudson (John) was ideal casting for the role. The right looks and the chops to back them up. Taryn Manning (Sara) hit the nail on the head as the slutty yet vulnerable booze hound. Hill Harper (Noah) so got on my nerves in that crap fest The Skulls; here he got on my annoyed me again as the "blang blang" token black guy who cracks jokes all the time, never takes anything seriously and...ZZZzzzzzz
T & A
We get some bikini loving and the ladies get some shirtless male beef.
The suspense, stunt set pieces and scare bits were all handled with skill that resulted in impact. What else do you need in a film like this? If only the flick was set more in the dark; it was daylight way too often here for my liking!
We get some shitty "trendy" ditties and an adequate "action/tension" score.
THE BREED had its action/pacing/suspense/violence bases marked on. It was a light, fun, semi dumb and easy sit down, much like most dames I date. If it would've sported a script that actually fleshed out its novel ideas and an ending that didn't smell like every genre cap-offs since the 80's, this big bad wolf could've been so much more! As-is, in my pointless opinion, it worth petting and feeding at least once; but worth adopting? Nah! WOOF! Pssst: I love dogs. Pssst #2: I love dogs more than people. Do with that what you will.
The flick was shot in South Africa.

Ian Somerhalder (Pulse, Lost) was cast in the movie, but he bailed out before production began.