Reviews & Counting
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The Island(2005)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Michael Bay

Ewan McGregor/Lincoln Six Echo
Scarlett Johansson/Jordan Two Delta
Djimon Hounsou/Albert
Steve Buscemi/McCord
7 10
In the year 2019, two clones (McGregor and Johansson) with the mental capacity of a 15 years old escape an utopian compound when they find out that they’ve been lied to since birth. You see, they’re in fact “products”, sponsored by rich folks in the “real” world, to be harvested for spare parts. Ouch! And how was you freaking week! A mammoth pursuit of Michael Bay proportions ensues!

Jordan, there is no island! - Lincoln Six Echo

In my futile opinion, director Michael Bay is one of today’s top Hollywood stylists. Nobody glossies it up and executes action scenes like the Bay Man! He’s up there with John Woo from where I'm sitting.With that said, apart from The Rock (“I cannot give that order!” —GREAT SCENE) and the overly syrupy, yet effective (cause I’m a sucker) Armageddon, I haven’t cared for any of Bay’s films. Now here comes The Island to give me hope that the man is growing as a filmmaker! Here are 10 really good reasons as to why The Island is worth your hard earned dough!

1- The first half of the film was a compelling Sci Fi heavy offering with stellar set/costume designs (THX 1138 anyone?) likeable characters, groovy circumstantial humor and interesting concepts (loved the Clone farm).

2- The second half of the film was Michael Bay angry, on steroids and on the freaking loose in the future! YEEHAW! We get an excessive array of eye popping, loud and yummy in their destructive overkill action scenes. I felt like I was riding a rollercoaster ride! Bay actually went on to reprise his zany car wreck from Bad Boys 2 (only good bit in that piece of crap) but with a spin! This time it involved giant metallic barbells rolling off a Mac Truck and crashing into every car in sight. WOW…like really WOW! I actually instinctively ducked one of the barbells heading towards us on the screen at some point! Now THAT’S audience participation for ya! NOTE: See some of that astounding scene here!

3- Taking into account how medical science is progressing now of late, this is the first Michael Bay film to make me think beyond the next shoot out or/and explosion. I was affected by the subject matter where its starting to feel plausible and me ask myself some questions. Scary stuff and adequately (yet not fully) milked here.

4- This is definitely the darkest of all Michael Bay films. There were a couple of scenes in here that “shocked’ and “moved” me (The Michael Clark Duncan bit stirred me up!). Our little Bay is growing up! No wonder he’s working with Spielberg next (Transformers The “Live Action” Movie baby!)

5- The film’s cast was Top Notch! You just can’t go wrong with the likeable, “I hear he’s a great dude in real life”, Ewan McGregor (Lincoln Six Echo) and the drop dead gorgeous Scarlett Johansson (Jordan). A word on the latter, Scarlett Johansson is very attractive, we all know that. Scarlett Johansson in a tight white outfit as shot by Michael Bay is a GODDESS, plain and simple.

6- Steve Buscemi (McCord) again proves to us why he’s one of the most entertaining character actors on the block. He can take a blah part on paper and make it memorable. Here was no exception. The man had me in stitches!

7- Michael Bay made this 127 min flick feel like 80 minutes via his novel shots, kinetic feel and furious pace! The AMAZING cinematography on hand surely helped as well!  What a great looking flick!

8- The special effects (that CG was tops) were bang on 90 percent of the time , hence not only putting me in a state of wonder but also lending a helping hand in keeping me in the world of the film and selling me on the insanity taking place within it!

9- Helicopters on the hunt, car wrecks, flying motorcycles; slick gadgets, exciting shoot-outs, gripping chase sequences in every form imaginable… all set within an un-original yet dazzling future world (loved them trains)! F*ck yeah! How do you like your testosterone sandwich my friend? Heavy on the Mayo? You’ll be well served here!

10- Scarlett Johansson + Bay shot close ups of her eyes/lips + her holding a gun = boner in my Levis that cannot be ignored!

Granted, The Island sported one of the most ineffectual mercenary tracking teams ever seen on film, demanded mucho suspension of disbelief in places and could’ve went much further in terms of addressing in a cerebral fashion the heavy themes it brought up. But hey…it’s a Michael Bay film man…I looked at the glass half full as opposed to half empty and I had a freaking blast-off with this celluloid adrenaline shot! Visit this Island guys & dolls, you won’t want to leave!

We get nails through the hand, cuts and bruises, half baked clones and some good old fashion stabbings. Not a gore fest but it was violent enough for me!
Ewan McGregor (Lincoln Six Echo) was his charming, everyday guy, on & off Yankee accent, self. Love that duder! He also got to act opposite himself (you’ll see) which made way for some pretty nifty scenes! Scarlett Johansson (Jordan Two Delta) could’ve just stood there motionless the whole time and I would’ve been a content man but she actually gave an vulnerable and credible show. I needed subtitles to understand what Djimon Hounsou (Albert) was blabbing about but I’ll give the dude this; he had macho presence to spare. Good shite! Steve Buscemi (McCord) has made a career of playing these types of roles (endearing loser) but man does he rock at it! Sean Bean (Merrick) played Sean Bean but even more warped than the usual Sean Bean. AMAZING! Michael Clarke Duncan (Starkweather) was in the film long enough to make me gulp in horror via his unrestrained and emotional show. What a wonderful actor!
T & A
The sultry Scarlett Johansson in a white, skin tight jumpsuit. Need I say more! I hear its 2 for 1 on lube this week...must purchase NOW!
Michael Bay can make a monkey taking a dump look enthralling! Say what you will about the guy (and I know I’ve said a few bad things about him over the years myself) but he sure has an “eye” for the polish (you see that “kiss” scene…hypnotizing!), the exciting and INSANE mass sequences of demolition. The Island was no exception to the Bay Norm, sleek, big and gorgeous retina candy from start to finish!
The dark, moving and grand score by Steve Jablonsky fit this multi-feel ride to a T! Grade A!
Michael Bay is no Spielberg just yet but The Island was a tiny step towards a more mature kind of filmmaking for the lad. Having said that, I dare you to find a bigger, badder, tighter, prettier and more anarchist flick prowling this tepid summer line up! This is my fav 2005 Hollywood Blockbuster right after Batman Begins and its Bay’s best wam-bang extravaganza since The Rock! Engaging, well cast, awe inspiring, thought provoking and inventive! I LOVED IT! I will admit that The Island wasn’t as smart as it could’ve been but man was it entertaining! Call me a moron but I like seeing shite blow up real good and nobody executes that jive like the Big Bay! See it, own it and pray for a video game adaptation...I know I want one! MAKE IT HAPPEN!
This was Bay’s first film minus Producer Jerry Bruckheimer,

Word on the street is that The Island ripped off a small, low budget film called The Clonus Horror and failed to credit it. Just word on the street…

Steven Spielberg actually sent the script to Michael Bay. That’s how he first read it!

Ewan McGregor (34 years old) is 13 years the senior to Scarlett Johansson (21 years old).

Michael Bay was the Produced (without directing) the TCM remake, the Amityville Horror remake and the next one on his slate is a remake of The Hitcher” (groan).