Reviews & Counting
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Them (Ils)(2006)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: David Moreau
Xavier Palud

Olivia Bonamy/Clementine
Michaël Cohen/Lucas
8 10
A sweet, young French couple living in some big house in the middle of nowhere (Where else would they live?) get terrorized and then hunted down by "them". Who's them? I won't tell!

They’re coming for you!

Well dress me up as chicken, slap me in an oven, take me out crispy and throw me in a KFC bucket, ILS whooped my ass silly! Got home from a party, felt tired, figured I’d slap a flick in to transport me to dead sheep land. That didn’t happen. Instead, I wound up on the edge of my bed-bug ridden sofa (little buggers, must kill them soon, am being eaten alive over here) and in a total state of stress. Straight up I couldn’t sleep after this film, hence had to gulp some more JD to knock me the f*ck out. GREAT TIMES!

The French made ILS is supposedly based on a true story, now I don’t know how faithful it was to the real life events that occurred but if I take it at face value, I’m not surprised as we live in a mucked up society where pretty much anything can happen. Now I purposely didn’t read up on the film beforehand to keep the mystery going and I recommend that you do the same. This vice-grip was a refreshingly old school ringer that focused on “us not knowing who or what" the aggressors were for the most part to scare the crap out of us. And I’m in a tizzy to report that the approach worked on this twat. Doors seemingly slamming by themselves, windows being shut by unseen assailants, creepy hallways, threatening figures, dark corners, creaking doors…this one knew how to push my boo buttons, using every day devices (that I could relate to) against me, hence scaring the be-Jesus out of me.

Another aspect that totally wooed me was the film’s relentless and aggressing pace. After the 15 minutes or so set up in terms of the endearing “every day type” characters and the ominous surroundings they lived in (big ass creepy house) the flick fiercely launched its deadly shenanigans on me i.e. a chilling game of peek-a-boo that resulted in mucho suspenseful scenarios. Not wanting to let me out of my corner, the flick finished me off with an extended stalk sequence that just wouldn’t stop pummeling me until the mucho haunting final frames surfaced to finally knock me out. Add to that a very POV demeanor as to the wanderings about that slapped my stupid ass in the shoes of the less stupid protagonists and a powerful use of sounds and shadows that evoked maximum creepyness and you get one heck of a frightening ride! I was so drained as the end credits rolled and that is pretty much the best compliment I can give the film.

On the slim downside; running at 70 or so minutes, it did feel a tad too short. At the same time though; it was a smart move as the film didn’t overstay its welcome and definitely finished on top of its game. So it’s a give and take jive. Finally, my other minor qualm had to do with expectations. I mean the flick engrossingly and slyly built up its mysterious threat factor. I was beyond baffled throughout as to whom or what was responsible for this madness. Once the bitch out of the bag though, I couldn’t help but feel a pinch under whelmed. With that spat out, I got over it 5 minutes later as I was violently sucked back into the story hardcore via its visceral chain of events. So it wasn’t a big deal.

At the end of the kill, I got a strong breath of fresh dead air off ILS! Old school, minimalist with an axis on tension as opposed to gore/torture; this bad boy stayed with me long after it was finito and I will go out of my way to recommend it to anybody that will listen (Mom?). It was a great horror film, one with a rare MO in this day and age of obviousness, spell it for the audience and gore it up to make up for a bad script. Thank Zeus all mighty that genre ditties of this ilk are still put out! Will you find out for yourself who ILS is? Do it man! DO IT! And thank me later with a pie, a broad and a beer.

We get some minor blood shed at the hands of nails and glass. Gore wasn't on the menu; this one was all about back-handing suspense.

Olivia Bonamy (Clementine) and Michael Cohen (Lucas) were both likeable, credible and shared an engrossing chemistry together. They also sported this everyday peeps quality that had me rooting for them like Ron Jeremy roots for his co-stars to open their mouths before he has his happy endings. Good stuff!

T & A
I watched some lesbo porn after I was done with the film. Does that count? Your call!
David Moreau and Xavier Palud handled their nail biter with talent and class, capitalizing on their bleak/vast setting, spooky sounds, involving POV shots while pulling off quite the non-stop "kill the audience" pace. AWESOME!
We get a minimalist, piano executed score that worked magic for the film's creepy factor. Young Carpenter came to mind!
ILS was the real deal! A pure, masterfully executed and true horror film that nailed what it set out to do when it came to creeping me out, scaring the life out of me and having me sit up on the edge of my edge, even though the ludicrous amount of booze in my blood stream should've kept me down. Sporting two engaging leads, a take no prisoners pace and mucho audio/visual flair this one was worth the sit down and then some! Sure the answer behind the question fell a tad short of the overwhelming build-up and the clock time was a tad too slim; but that didn't change the end result: Arrow freaking bruised up, Arrow freaking high strong, Arrow freaking sold! One of this year's best! SEE IT!
David Moreau and Xavier Palud are slated to direct the remake of THE EYE next.

ROGUE PICTURES has a ILS remake in the works.