DVD News Coolness #10

DVD Clinic

The Latest Announcements

The Girl Next Door: - August 24

Co-starring nightly in my dreams and as the hot underage girl that bangs Luke Wilson in Old School, Elisha Cuthbert plays a former porn star who befriends her dweeb of a next door neighbor. Life lessons are eventually learned. Where are we in the world when an 18 year old is a former porn star? Sheesh. This comes in R-Rated and Un-Rated editions; here are the Un-Rated specs.


  • Commentary with director Luke Greenfield
  • Revealing the Girl Next Door - Trivia Track
  • Scene Specific Commentary by Emile Hirsch (the dweeb next door)
  • Scene Specific Commentary by Elisha Cuthbert
  • A Look Next Door - Making of featurette
  • Unrated Gag Reel (porn?)
  • 16 Deleted or Extended Scenes, including original ending w/optional Director's commentary
  • Still Gallery
  • Girl Next Door Trailer "Dirrty" too racey to show on TV
  • Upcoming Theatrical Trailers
  • Easter Egg
  • 1.85:1 Anamorphic widescreen transfer
  • English DD 5.1 Surround
  • French and Spanish DD2.0 Surround

Hot girls never live next door to you. I had a 40 year old Grateful Dead-head who never shaved her pits once. But I still hit that:(

"Johnny, can I use your room to get out of these wet, sticky clothes?"

Taken through my blinds with a telescopic lens

Pee-Wee's Playhouse: The Complete Series

All 45 episodes and 6 "lost" episodes are included in this set. Nice! Pee-Wee..er, Paul Reuben says, "I am extremely pleased that `Pee-wee's Playhouse' will be available on DVD. The digital medium affords the shows a look that was not possible when they were originally broadcast or made available on VHS in the 1980s and '90s. I look forward to working with Image's creative, sales and marketing teams to make this series truly special." And said it all with dollar signs in his eyes. Retainers, bro.

The Alamo - September 28

As if this story needs to be repeated. The documentaries we saw in high school were more exciting than this, even though we fell asleep. If you want to make a movie about the Alamo, make it about Ozzy getting shitfaced drunk and pissing all over it, subsequently getting himself banned from San Antonio for life. I'd see that in a heartbeat! But I'm also drunk. Hiccup!


  • Walking in the Footprints of Heroes - Featurette about all the major players in the film
  • Deleted Scenes with optional director commentary
  • Return Of A Legend: The Making of The Alamo - Behind the scenes featurette
  • Deep In The Heart Of Texans - John Lee Hancock, Dennis Quaid and others share how their Texas roots are a vital part of this motion picture (and they're serious too)
  • Anamorphic widescreen
  • English DD5.1 Surround

Word of advice: When visiting The Alamo, do not, I repeat, do not under any circumstances ask where the basement is. You'll be ridiculed by everyone and little kids will take pictures of you. You crazy gringo, you.

Even the horse wants off the movie. Nigh, indeed.

South Park: The Passion of The Jew - August 31

Damn it! Paramount announced this about a month too late, as it would have been a pretty sweet addition to the "Jesus and death" themed column that you can scope out here. But pretty genius marketing since this comes out the same day as The Passion of The Christ. The episode features Cartman using The Passion to prove to Kyle he has always been right about the Jews role in history. A Nazi-esque rally led by Cartman in his Adolf costume ensues.

Also includes:

  • Red Hot Catholic Love (S6) - When the Catholic Church scandal negatively impacts church attendance in South Park, Priest Maxi travels to Rome to confront religious leaders about a solution.
  • Christian Rock Hard (S7) - When the other boys kick Cartman out of their band, Cartman pulls his own group together to make music for Jesus. Meanwhile, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny are arrested for downloading music from the internet.

So on August 31st when you're at your local DVD shop looking to get your Jesus on, and if a beat down and bloody Jesus is not your thing, and a hippy singing Jesus is not your thing, you can always rely on the South Park boys to mock your religous convictions and put them into question.

Candyman (SE) - August 17

You should print this column out and take it to the can with you while you're doing your business. When you're washing your hands (assuming you do), read, "Candyman, Candyman, Candyman, Candyman, Candyman" out loud in front of the mirror and let us know how it goes.


  • Filmmaker's commentary
  • Clive Barker: Raising Hell featurette
  • Sweets to the Sweet: The Candyman Mythos featurette (and the worst title ever for a featurette)
  • Bernard Rose Storyboards
  • Previews
  • 1.85:1 Anamorphic widescreen
  • English and French Dolby Surround

Don't mention Virginia Madsen's boobie shot to her brother Michael, or he'll slice your ear off.

Die Hard - September

Maybe I'm in the minority here (aside from the fact that I am legally a minority) but I think the first Die Hard is the best out of the franchise. Easily in my top 10 of all time. The second was lackluster and the third was unnecessary, so Fox releasing this totally works out for me, as I didn't want to get the whole box set for one movie. Nice job, Fox!


  • Commentary wtih director John McTiernan and production designer Jackson DeGovia
  • Scene specific commentary with special effects supervisor Richard Edlund
  • Subtitle commentary with cast and crew
  • Script to screen comparison
  • Anamorphic widescreen

This was just announced so details may be changed/added. An update will follow if anything is in fact, changed/added.

Hitchcock Signature Collection - September 7

The Man, the Myth, the Bald Head. Rarely has one director had such an influence on some of the best directors of all time, from DePalma to Scorsese to Spielberg, Hitchcock influenced the "film brats" of the 70s with spooky storylines and a haunting visual flair. He also had a big belly and wore a Reservoir Dogs type suit.

Features included:

  • North by Northwest
  • Dial M for Murder
  • Foreign Correspondent
  • I Confess
  • Mr. & Mrs. Smith
  • Stage Fright
  • Strangers On A Train (2 Disc SE)
  • Suspicion
  • Wrong Man

Click here to see some of the bad ass covers for each feature.

Ronald Reagan: The Great Communicator - June 15

This was announced just minutes (I swear, really) after former president and actor Ronald Reagan took the ol' dirt nap. And I'm not going to spout off about capitalism or the opportunistic bastards that came up with this idea because you've probably read about it 324 times already. Though I bet Bush or someone close to him is responsible for this. Why not? Everyone else blames him for everything, right?


  • Reagan speeches
  • Rare newsreels and Hollywood footage
  • Other stuff

For auditing purposes my name is Mike Sampson.

Take my life, please


50 First Dates: I'm boycotting this because it includes a horrendous version of a Cure song. Die replacement Cure! 6/15

The Station Agent: A midget stars and his name is Peter Dinklage...nuff said. 6/15

Beverly Hills 90210-The Pilot Episode: C'mon, you know you want it. Order it and no one will ever know. 6/15

Secret Window: My man-crush on JD has got to stop. It's getting unhealthy. 6/22

Bad Santa/ Badder Santa (Unrated): A dwarf and a foul mouth fat kid? Me=There. 6/22

Picture taken from the almost safety confines of Depp's closet. Stalkerazzi, baby!

Click here for DVD Coolness #9
Stir of Echoes (SE), Elf, Envy, The Apprentice (S1)




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