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Awfully Good #64

Suburban Commando (1991)

Director: Burt Kennedy
Stars: Hulk Hogan, Christopher Lloyd, Shelley Duvall

 

Is there a plot?

A space warrior, having eradicated his evil nemesis from the galaxy, is forced to take a vacation on Earth. There he rents a room from Christopher Lloyd and his family and learns the hard way how to behave like one of those pesky Earthlings.

Haha, oh man, alien warriors and people sure are different!

 

What's the damage?

Oh, I remember SUBURBAN COMMANDO. I think there was a period of like three or four days in 1992 where this was my favorite movie. It had Hulk Hogan sporting a great mullet, space alien battles, some slapstick comedy, and a surprising amount of violence for a kid flick (gotta love the random dismembered hand within the first few minutes). There’s also that great scene where Christopher Lloyd grabs the bad guy’s balls with his super-powered robot glove and he turns in to a lizard alien. A naked lizard alien with a very predominant bare ass. Ahh…they don’t make them like this anymore, do they?


It wasn’t long after this that the neighborhood parents began questioning Hulk’s methods of teaching children how to skateboard.

Hulk Hogan was made for material like this. The man has no range or delivery as an actor, so an extraterrestrial humanoid in a fish out of water situation suits him pretty well. There were moments in SUBURBAN COMMANDO where I truly believed he was Shep Ramsey, the alien warrior who not only learns how to be human, but what it means to be human. I can’t tell you the sheer joy it is watching his character trying to do good deeds but ending up sending poor innocent people to the hospital. I also like how he was going to use his space genitals on Christopher Lloyd’s secretary at the end.


Don’t you love when poor framing shows that you’re not actually riding a skateboard, but a giant cart of some sort? FAIL.

Oh yes, Christopher Lloyd is in this, playing one the biggest losers ever. He’s such a complete failure that he makes Shelly DuVall seem tough by comparison. There’s a great scene where he discover Hulk’s otherworldly secret and he immediately uses his alien armor to try and fight crime, only to still get his butt kicked. I guess it doesn’t help that the armor is obviously made of metal colored rubber and that the outfit includes a suspicious looking head band. Only Hulk Hogan can pull off a headband. Even a yellow one.


Hulk’s rendition of “Little Bunny Fu Fu” was a little more extreme, mostly due to the forced branding of Fu Fu on the audience’s tummies.

One other great fact about SUBURBAN COMMANDO is that it was originally developed as a project for Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito following their success with TWINS. Don’t worry; whatever alternate universe in which that movie got made, the bizarro Awfully Good column already covered it.


“Hey, do you mind if I ruin your kids too? I’ve already done as much as I can with mine. At least according to our judicial system.”


"Best" Line

Hulk Hogan learns a valuable lesson about American legal malpractice claims.

 


"Best" Parts

1) Evidence that Hulk Hogan is a menace upon society, from random property damage to injuring children. At least he has the common decency to put a mime in the hospital.

 

2) Except for Christian Bale in THE MACHINIST, Hulk Hogan’s performance here is one of the Oscar’s biggest oversights for Best Actor.

 

3) Christopher Lloyd may be the worst superhero ever. I only say maybe because it’s been awhile since I’ve seen Shaquille O’Neal’s STEEL.

 

Nudity Watch

Shelley Duvall puts on lingerie. Do not want.

 

Enjoyableness Continuum:

Go commando! Buy this movie here!


Play Along at Home!

Take a shot or drink every time:

  • Hulk Hogan makes a punny or lame one liner
  • Hulk Hogan overreacts to something to someone or something
  • Christopher Lloyd fails at something.

Double shot when:

  • Hulk avoids being frozen by drinking anti-freeze

 

Thanks to ElderPredator, Damian and Faruk for reminding me this movie exists!



Seen a movie that should be featured on this column? Shoot Jason an email and give him an excuse to drink.

Source: DVD Clinic
Tags: awfully good

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