Awfully Good: Christmas Do-Over

December 26th 2012, 12:28am

Pack up the tree and dump the eggnog, folks. Christmas is over! …Or is it?

Christmas Do-Over (2006)

Director: Catherine Cyran
Stars: Jay Mohr, Daphne Zuniga, Adrienne Barbeau

GROUNDHOG DAY meets A CHRISTMAS CAROL meets human wastewater.

If you want to hate yourself every holiday season, ABC Family’s original Christmas programming is a great place to start. There’s truly no better repository of fake cheer and heavy handed messages starring a sad group of D-level talent like Tori Spelling, Jenny McCarthy, Shannen Doherty, A.C. Slater AND Zack Morris.

“Because he brought up THE ADVENTURES OF PLUTO NASH, son.”

CHRISTMAS DO-OVER is pretty abhorrent, even by ABC Family standards. It’s a blatant holiday ripoff of GROUNDHOG DAY, which is annoying itself, except they further piss in the pool by replacing Bill Murray with Jay Mohr. That’s like pulling Michael Jordan out of Game 6 and sending in…Jay Mohr. I guess it’s somewhat inspired to cast him as a Scrooge character who gets to be a raging asshole for 89 out of this movie’s 90 minutes, but the actor is the polar opposite of funny and heartwarming in this movie.

And with a final “Oh Nooooo,” the Kool Aid Man would forever be silent.

Mohr plays a divorced dad who hates both Christmas AND his son. Not only does he buy the young boy an Easy Bake Oven for Christmas, but you know The Claw thing Jim Carrey does with his kid in LIAR LIAR? Mohr’s version is alarmingly called the Hurricane and entails him picking up and violently shaking the poor child’s delicate body. It’s probably for the best though, since Mohr’s kid is one of the worst-written children ever, actually saying things like, “I like toys and I like my parents being together!” At one point he makes a random wish that it could be Christmas every day, which is what sets Mohr on a course for temporal repeat.

Eat your heart out, Sir Mix-A-Lot!

The rest of the movie thus becomes Mohr taking advantage of the consequence-free nature of his situation and ruining Christmas for everyone, including his ex-wife (SPACEBALLS’ Daphne Zuniga), former mother-in-law (Adrienne Barbeau) and a horny grandmother who likes to get drunk, squeeze her grandson’s ass and shave hearts in her pubic hair. (Thanks for that visual, ABC Family!) Watch as he belches Christmas carols at the dinner table, purposefully injures his ex-wife’s new fiancé, and other horrible things for a holiday movie. The best/worst is when Mohr fistfights Santa, Mary and Adult Jesus in the neighborhood Nativity. (Why is Adult Jesus in the Nativity Scene? I don’t know, ask the filmmakers.)

“Yo momma’s so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and it’s still printing!”

As with all movies of this nature, Mohr eventually learns his Scrooge lesson and saves the day… by teaching himself how to breakdance, dressing up like a pea in a pod, and helping his family use the power of hip hop to beat Jesus and Santa in a Christmas spirit tournament. Let me repeat that: Vegetable-attired Jay Mohr, going by the name Pea Diddy, breakdances his way in to everyone’s hearts in an act called “Peas on Earth.” Then he sings a wince-inducing song about how Christmas has changed him and his ex-wife forgives years of neglect and mistreatment and gets back together with him. Even better, the movie completely and conveniently forgets the existence of Todd, her current fiancé, who’s a nice caring guy and great surrogate dad to her son. But screw that dude! Jay Mohr was willing to pop and lock for Christmas.

‘Nuff said.

Jay Mohr belches a Christmas Carol.

Jay Mohr breakdances, then beats up Santa, Mary and Jesus. Merry Christmas!

I still think Adrienne Barbeau is a babe.

Is there such a thing as a Movie Do-Over? No? Buy this movie here!

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