Last Updated on August 3, 2021
1. Kakihara – ICHI THE KILLER
This motherf*cker is straight-up crazy ass. Don’t let the bleached hair fool you, dude doesn’t care what you think about him, only that you die a horrible death after failing to give him the ultimate pain he so desires. At first glance the scars aren’t that much more special than anything else we’ve seen here. Look a little closer though and you’ll see he can do cool-as-shit things like this.
2. Harvey Dent – THE DARK KNIGHT
Similar to Freddy but, in regard to badassery, it seems less is more. When only half your body is burnt to a crisp you get to do that whole split personality thing that serves Harvey so well. The Joker got all the spotlight this summer while Two Face had to sit in the shadows and watch his career, girlfriend, and the entire left side of his body get taken out by him. I dare you to ask him why he’s so serious.
3. Freddy Kruger – A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
Freddy was originally going to be my number one until I had time to think about it. Everyone else on this list is badass because they’ve lived to tell about their scars. Freddy only exists in dreams which means he actually died when he earned them. I’m sure there are a lot of cool scars in the dead community but that doesn’t mean they get to brag about them. I’ll give Fred the benefit of the doubt here since he’s been around longer than most living, breathing characters but don’t expect any oohs and ahhs when you show up in my head tonight to kill me.
4. The Joker – THE DARK KNIGHT
He gives a couple different explanations as to why his face looks like that. Both are horrific, both make him badass. I imagine he made up both stories about the scars though. Telling Batman it was nothing more than a horrible Ultimate Frisbee accident does nothing for his legend. When it comes to villains, Jokester goes down as one of the greatest in a long time, but when it come to scars, he doesn’t even have the best one in the movie.
5. Sgt. Bob Barnes – PLATOON
They say nobody can kill Barnes but himself. Judging by his face, a lot of people have tried. Barnes takes the clichéd role of angry Staff Sergeant to a new level when he starts a war within the war after killing another sergeant that didn’t see eye to eye with him. You can only imagine what kind of stories this guy has to tell. Not only about how his face came to look like a 100 piece puzzle but why he’s so trigger happy on the bad guys, good guys, and the innocents.
6. Quint – JAWS
The scar from having a tattoo removed isn’t all that badass, I know. When said tattoo was of the ship that delivered the Hirshima bomb the story gets a little cooler. When said ship gets hit by a Japanese torpedo and sinks in twelve minutes without a distress signal because of the mission’s secrecy, you’ve got my attention. Then the sharks came. Quint bobbed around the water watching 784 members of his crew get eaten by sharks, wondering when they’re going to come for him before being rescued. Shit like that will leave a different type of scar.
7. Mason Verger – HANNIBAL
Dude ate his own nose. This, of course, was after he skinned his own face, fed it to his dogs, and dug out his own eyeball. That was one hell of a party he and his friendly therapist, Hannibal Lecter, had but kind of common, I bet, for the 70s. Who hasn’t heard of those crazy disco benders that were filled to the rafters with mind-altering drugs and self mutilation? Imagine waking up after this ordeal just in time to see one of your dogs pooping out your lips on the carpet.
8. Tully Crow – THE COMANCHEROS
They weren’t much for skin grafting in the old West. When Tully (Lee Marvin) manages to wiggle his way out of a scalping he’s left with this raised mound of flesh that looks a little worse than the results of falling asleep with gum in your mouth. I’m sure his dusty cowboy hat isn’t helping in the healing process either. All of this probably explains why Tully is drunk every time you see him on screen.
9. Ernst Stavro Blofeld – YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE
There’s no real explanation as to why Ernst (awesome name by the way, I always thought this was German for “and”) has such a badass face in this film. Every other time he popped up in a Bond film the scar was either gone or you didn’t get to see his face. Something tells me it has something to do with that pussy he’s always petting. Dr. Evil stole his bit from Blofeld in the AUSTIN POWERS movies, as did Dr. Claw in the ‘Inspector Gadget’ series.
10. Harlen Maguire – ROAD TO PERDITION
When someone is trying to shoot you in the face, don’t hide behind glass objects. This advice has saved me a lot of grief more than once. The only thing Harlen was missing here was a cool nickname and new Super Villain status. I’m certain if he would’ve went by The Shimmer Man or Shatterproof or something sweet like that he wouldn’t have almost been capped by a kid in the end. Speaking of that kid, you think he ever realizes just how many f*cking people had to die (including his mom, dad, and brother) because he hid in that car? Worst “bring your kid to work day” ever.
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