Set Visit: Beerfest

Set
Visit Intro / Jurgen
Prochnow / Paul
Soter & Erik Stolhanske
/ Steve
Lemme & Kevin Heffernan
/ Jay Chandrasekhar

As
I plopped another chunk of eggs onto my plate, I heard someone say
“Are you Omar?” and turned to find a beautiful woman
staring at me. Thinking myself a striking Latino heartthrob of such
magnitude that not only had she gravitated towards me but I’d
somehow telepathically given her my name, I debonairly (at least in
my mind) uttered “yeah”. While I prepared my response to
what would surely be a confession of inexplicable attraction, I
instead got “Hi, I’m Orna, do you know where we’re
sitting?” and followed her finger to a group in the center of
the room happily enjoying their breakfast.

And
with that I snapped back to reality and realized I was in New Mexico
to visit the set of Broken Lizard’s BEERFEST,
Orna was Warner Bros.’ Senior Publicist of Interactive Marketing and
I should have probably stopped thinking I was the star in my own
personal CASABLANCA. Especially since me flapping my head as if it
was blowing in the wind in slow motion was probably starting to
freak her out. At least it would have freaked her out if I was
actually doing it but luckily I made the prudent last minute
decision to hold off on the “slow motion head flapping”.

Sitting
down to eat a breakfast that doesn’t include an apple of
questionable freshness or cereal with expired milk (hey, only by a
week) for the first time in months, three thoughts immediately hit
me – 1) these guys (other online journalists) probably have no
idea who I am. I should introduce myself; 2) I should eat
watermelons more often; 3) what the hell is this movie about? The
third, of course, was undoubtedly the most important and despite my
extensive research, which mostly (by which I mean completely)
involved visiting the film’s IMDB
page and noticing there was an “in production” placard
in place of a plot synopsis, I’d concluded that the entire
internet was devoid of any substantial information about the film.

Being
a master puzzle solver, however, I’ve managed to cobble together a
somewhat coherent idea of the plot. Instead of giving you that
semi-lucid semi-coherent ramble, though, here’s the official
synopsis.

-You
are now entering a spoiler
zone; proceed at your own risk-

When
American brothers Todd and Jan Wolfhouse (Paul Soter and Erik
Stolhanske) travel to Germany to spread their grandfather’s ashes
at Oktoberfest, they stumble upon a super-secret, centuries old,
underground beer games competition – “Beerfest,” the secret
Olympics of beer drinking. The brothers receive a less than
warm welcome from their German cousins, the Von Wolfhausens, who
humiliate Todd and Jan, slander their relatives, and finally cast
them out of the event.

Vowing
to return in a year to defend their country and their family’s
honor, The Wolfhouse boys assemble a ragtag dream team of beer
drinkers and gamers: Barry Badrinath (Jay Chandrasekhar), the
consummate skills player with a dark past; Phil Krundle (Kevin
Heffernan) (AKA Landfill), a one-man chugging machine; and Steve
“Fink” Finklestein (Steve Lemme), the lab tech with a PhD in All
Things Beer. This Magnificent Five train relentlessly, using
their hearts, minds and livers to drink faster, smarter and harder
than they ever have before. But first they must battle their
own demons… as well as a bunch of big, blond, German jerks who
want to destroy the team before they can even make it back to
Munich. Revenge, like beer, is best served cold.

–end
spoiler zone-

After
a hearty breakfast and a brief discussion on a man who I’m baffled
managed to survive high school with a name like Michael Moorcock,
we loaded a van and headed to the set.

On
the way there, an off-the-cuff remark I made prompted one of the
other web guys to say “the JoBlo guys always get the girls…”
which had my mind frantically racing with thoughts like “Is
that true? This is my second set visit and I didn’t get any girls
last time and don’t foresee getting any girls this time. Am I
sullying the JoBlo.com name by not
scoring some ‘tang? Should I hit on the driver (she was a hottie)?”
Before I had a chance to formulate an appropriate plan to scam the
apparently requisite tail, however, we arrived on set.

— JoBlo in his prime, circa 200, San Diego —

The
set was a “bio-park” that had been converted into the main
Oktoberfest carnival area and it was all awash in a sea of
lederhosen and Bavarian beer wenches. I know what you’re thinking
– is there anything remotely enticing about women wearing short,
tight dresses with low-hanging, cleavage-bearing tops, knee-high
socks and pigtails? Um…yeah. A lot. And for that matter is there
anything alluring about men in lederhosen? Of course!! (not really)

As
we approached the entrance to the park, a security guard stopped us
and asked us if we were extras. Someone explained that we were
journalists but perhaps being dizzied by the excess of lederhosen,
he didn’t understand and kept wanting clarification of our purpose
and why it involved a decided lack of lederhosen. Finally, someone
said in jest “we’re just here for the babes” to which the
security guard responded by pulling out his gun, shooting the person
in the chest and saying “Anyone else got any smart things to
say?” At least this is the scenario I morbidly imagined to
entertain myself as we waited for Unit Publicist Charlie Pinto to
usher us through the pearly pseudo-Oktoberfest gates.

The
reason for the wait was that director Jay Chandrasekhar was shooting
a scene involving the Baron of Oktoberfest (that’s Jurgen,
remember) in a horse-drawn carriage explaining the history of the
fest to his intrigued grandson. They were shooting the horses and
carriage alone (as in without Jurgen and grandson) and we were
allowed entrance once the horses were outside.

The
interior of the complex was a small approximation of the real
Oktoberfest (see below) with a tent in the far corner and a few
buildings repainted and redressed to look like the warehouses used
to house the wide array of beer. There was a rig traversing the
complex from the entrance to the adjoining aquarium section of the
park (which wasn’t being used in the film) that would allow the
carriage to travel a small distance while filming (from the
perspective of the horses) Jurgen and his onscreen grandson.

While
waiting to speak to any of the Broken Lizard guys, I heard someone
say “Oh Cloris [Leachman, who’s in the film], is filthy!” to
which my immediate reaction was “Eeeeww.” However, on further
prompting, I learned they were discussing Leachman’s potty-mouth
to which I corrected my initial response by quietly whispering
“Awesome!” Before I could conjure an appropriate image of
Leachman wantonly dropping an f-bomb, however, Jurgen approached us
and kindly indulged our need to speak to one bad ass mofo.

At
some point we got a chance to see Jurgen perform the aforementioned
scene. He did it a couple of times, regaling his grandson with the
history of Oktoberfest and the importance of the ceremonial keg,
while surrounded by a tunnel of beer wenches and lederhosen-clad men
waving flags and seeming very excited about the imminent
festivities.

Our
plans to see the Beerfest arena were scrapped so after we wrapped up
interviews with all the Broken Lizard guys (stay tuned for these…),
our set visit essentially ended. At least that’s what I thought.
The next day, you see, while waiting at the hotel to catch a cab to
the airport, Jay parked his car immediately outside, came inside,
took a glance at me and for a brief moment I thought there was a
hint of recognition in his eyes. Readying myself to shoot the
proverbial shit while we both waited, he looked away, got his bags
and drove off. I realize now the look was more along the lines of “Why
the hell is that creepy-looking kid staring at me?” Which
reminds me – I gotta stop staring at people.

Thanks
to Orna and Charlie for being our guides on set, the Broken Lizard
guys and the cast and crew of BEERFEST for being so cool with us
hanging around and to Warner Bros. for letting us on set in the
first place. And, of course, a big thanks to the beer wenches!

Stay
tuned for the interviews!!

BEERFEST
goes wide on August 25th