E-MAIL YOUR QUESTIONS TO TIFFANY HERE
Tiff Sayz:
So here we
are again…with my oh so awesome oh so amazing oh soooooo LAME bi-weekly column
of “Ask A Scream Queen”. Every week I sit here wondering what perverted weird
off color questions you guys are going to ask and every week you surprise me
with brilliant questions like “how do I get my chick to be down with anal” or
“How do I tell my best friend that I’m dreaming of his joystick?” or my personal
favorite “cut or un-cut, how do you like your cocks”? Then just
when I thought our readers couldn’t get anymore brilliantly perverse you guys
rock me again with lame ass shit like “are you really sweet”? HUH?
So since
this column has become part of my life I thought well I have lots of horror
friend’s maybe I’ll have them write in as “Guest” experts. Like make Ken Foree
will
answer how HE likes his cocks, or ask Kane Hodder where HE buys stilettos, or
see if Debbie Rochon has any advice for the lonely trannies, or ask any one of the
million guys that played Michael Myers if THEY have f*cked John Fallon. Ya know
that would be fun. So I was all set for this until I read the questions for
this week. I thought “man I can’t waste good horror people on this crap, this
is truly innocent shit….so I guess I’m going to have to do it myself. Poor me I
have to waste 7 and a half minutes of my day. Damn you people and your normal
questions!!!!
Dr. Chingo
asks: I’ve seen all your movies (even “Death Factory”, lol). I’ve always thought
of you as a sexy, badass chick who punches dudes like me in the face just for
fun… However, someone recently told me that when you’re not tearing shit up on
a movie set, or making fan-boys cream their pants at conventions, you’re
actually a really sweet and loving human being… WTF? Is this true?
Sweet
and loving? Really? Jesus Dr. Chingo, what the f*ck? Are we dating or
something? What a dumb ass question. I don’t know. Why don’t you tell us you
obsessed creeper freak. I mean you said “Someone told you”??? Who is this
“someone”? You super psycho stalker. Huh? Tell us? Oh wait ya see this? Yeah
that’s me giving you the sweetest finger I can muster you binocular having freakshow. Sweet? What a
dummy. Who would write a question so dumb?
Oh I know. the amazing Dr. Chingo.
Hey Dr. Chingo, I’m really sweet and loving, wanna get married? Wanna have a
massive amount of babies together and move to a manufactured home in Seattle to
raise them? Yeah I bet you do. Freakin looney toon. Oh what? Now I’m really
supposed to answer this? Fine yes Dr. Chin-gay I’m very sweet and loving….I hate
horror films and love walks in the park and cuddling in bed and lifetime movies
for women. You got me. Thanks for calling me out. My bad-ass horror movie
party girl slut image is ruined. Thanks d*!k face!
Guy asks: Do
you ever audition for mainstream movies? Anything notable? If you were suddenly
offered a role in a mainstream film with marquee names, do you think your acting
ability would be up to the task? Is there any “name” actors you would like to
work with?
Guy. Did I ever audition for a mainstream movie? Ummmmm not very many. I’ve
auditioned for a couple of mainstream TV shows a few years back and even lately for
Adam Rifkins new show “Look”…got pretty close to that one but didn’t’ get it,
they were scared of my awesome-ness (understandable). Do I think my acting
would be up to the task?
Well… shit… I
saw a pretty mainstream movie this past weekend and there were some big names in
it (2 of which I have already worked with) and well let me tell you, some of the
acting (not the folks I worked with) but the leads…………..BLEW! I’m just the
dummy b-movie actress that doesn’t use an agent to book her jobs so
unfortunately for me I don’t audition for these horror masterpieces (of shit)
that go to the theatre and stuff. Who would I want to work with? Sherilyn Fenn,
Doug Bradley(as Pinhead), and Gary Coleman. So yeah bring on that mainstream
shit…I’m DOWN!!!!!
James W
asks: Hello Tiffany, big fan here. My question is simple: does god and true love
exist? I have yet to see either.
James. I personally think God exists, some people just can’t find him cause God
HATES them! God hides from them like some witness protection program shit. It’s
really weird you have to be one f*cked up individual to have God say “f*ck that
fool”. As for love…why the hell would anybody love anybody that even God hates?
Do you think God Hates you James? That’s the more serious question. Why would he
hate you? Do you think about killing your mom or better yet do you have sex with
your own mother? Why does nobody love you? Do you smell funny? Are you really
annoying and un-charming? Are you a f*cking broke dick dog that still lives with
his mommy? Tell us James.
It’s OK
this is a place of peace love and honesty like Dr. Chingo pointed out “I’m
sweet” nobody here will judge you or make fun of you or call you a freaky weirdo
that even God who loves everybody hates. We will totally not do that here. So
please ponder this over the next week and give us a list of all your pros and
cons and I’ll tell you why you have never seen God or love cause I’ve seen both
and boy have I done some f*cked up shit! Be sure to write in with as many
details as you can. For example if you f*cked your cat when you were twelve and
it died on your cock. Tell us what color kitty was…did you have to lube up….did
the fur stick to your testies… etc. Details! The only way we can help you James
W is with details. Best of luck and remember God loves you…oh wait no he
doesn’t, shit! Sorry about that.
So we
didn’t get good, crazy, or even funny questions this week. But we did find out
that I’m super sweet, that I saw a mainstream horror film this weekend that had
terrible acting in it, and that God hates James Wan. Interesting, very
interesting. Maybe God hated “Death Sentence”, hmmm I though it was cool.
Anyway. See you cockroaches next time for some more crap that can aid in your brain rottage.
Keep that shit bloody!!!!! – Tiffany “The Shep” Shepis!