Reviews & Counting
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Hellboy II(2008)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Guillermo del Toro

Ron Perlman/Hellboy
Selma Blair/Liz
Doug Jones/Abe Sapien
Luke Goss/Prince Nuada
7 10
Some peeved Elf (Goss) with mucho ass-kicking talent in his back-back goes on the hunt for 3 chunks of a crown that would allow him to unleash an army of Golden Gobots upon us lowly, "earth destroying" humans. It’s up to Hellboy (Perlman) and his distinctive motley crew to shout at that devil and save the day.

I'm not gonna kill him. I'm just gonna kick his ass. - Hellboy

I boogied to the first HELLBOY, swayed by its novel premise, slew of slick beasties and quirky heroes. Being that Guillermo del Toro was helming the sequel, I wasn’t too concerned about it letting me down. After all, the dude knows his shit! So were my initial instincts mostly on the clit on this one or was I diddling the wrong hole again?

HELLBOY 2 gave me more of what I loved about the original while threading new ground that I as a VERY FLAWED member of the human race wasn’t too cachou about. Allow me to expand via verbal vomiting expressed through the tapping of my fingers on this freaking keyboard that won’t stop stalling as I attempt to type this drivel down. NOTE TO SELF: Shove this keyboard in the garbage after this review; right next to that DVD Screener of THE LOST BOYS II - review up Monday -  END OF NOTE.

Where was I, ah yes, so, on the upside; HELLBOY II played it smart by going further with the goodies the original had slammed on the table. The emphasis double downed on the gang, their dynamics and relationships. They were all given more screen time, deeper issues to deal with and just more to do period! It was swell to see these endearing characters grow and react to “new” types of obstacles/emotions - made for gripping drama.. On top of that, the main actors once again showcased superb chemistry together and ping-ponged the sharp dialogue with mucho oomph and ease. I couldn’t get enough of hanging with these colorful mofos! They can crash on my couch, steal my beers and dry hump my Lazy Boy chair any day!

The ante was upped on the action too! The astounding  fight sequences were more frequent and miles ahead of the original when it came to choreographies, staging and overall scope. Same can be yapped about the countless creatures found in this mad house. WOW! I was floored! The untamed imagination behind them and the efficient CGI came together to serve up some pretty out there monsters. Yup the budget was higher here and it was onscreen where it damn belonged! And man did I laugh during this flick! The countless one liners, the circumstantial comedy (Red and Abe getting hammered...LOL) and Hellboy himself had me rolling in the aisles (yes I should get out more often). Red pretty much got a chuckle out of me every time he surfaced and the witty Krauss (a new character) also ruined me! In fact, the banter between Red and Krauss was freaking priceless!

And what’s a superhero flick without a good villain? Well I guess, it’s a lousy superhero film. We didn’t have that problem here. Prince Nuada (Luke Gross) displayed imposing presence and masterfully whooped butts via eye popping displays of acrobatics and sword play. And better yet, his motive was actually one that I agreed with. I understood where he was coming from and didn’t blame him for giving his master plan a shot. I love it when baddies have layered personalities that go beyond black and white. Makes them more compelling. Add to all that a brilliant score by Danny Elfman and one heck of  gnarly sequence filled to the brim with buggers that totally wowed me (think the Cantina bit in Star Wars but on steroids) and you get a quality filled ride that should carve a grin on your face.

On the flip-side, I’m  personally not big on the “Fantasy” genre. You know, Elves, Trolls, Fairies my Ex sucking Donkey dick… just not my thing. The first HELLBOY had a quasi horror core to it but HELLBOY II went more the Fantasy way which turned me off in places. Thanks Zeus for them Toothfairy creatures - at least some macabre made it in there!! And what was up with that “Young Hellboy” prologue? Although I appreciated the background info, Young Red came across as a total buffoon. I couldn’t take him seriously or believe this could be THE Hellboy at that age. He just didn’t feel right. Lastly, a couple of plot holes surfaced, one of them (having to do with the crown), being fairly severe if you ask me. So points were shaved off for that too.

All in all though HELLBOY II gave me two hours of fun, fun, fun and more fun! The flick had lots of heart and soul (Guillermo obviously REALLY cares about these characters).. I managed to forget my troubles during that screening! Too bad they came back and slapped me silly the moment I got home…. What can you do… Ahhh life…AHHHH CRAP!
Some mosnter gutsand some offscreen stabbings and damage.
Ron Perlman (Hellboy) once again excelled in the role of the wise-cracking, head bashing red devil. Straight up, I can’t see anybody ever doing the part better than him. Selma Blair (Liz) was cute as a button and exuded presence to burn. Doug Jones (Abe Sapien) got to play and voice Abe on this round! Great job! Luke Goss (Prince Nuada) played his role’s nuances and layers to a T. He owned when it came to the fighting bits too. Seth MacFarlane (voice of Johann Krauss) had me convinced that he was truly Jeremy Irons in Die Hard with a Vengeance. Same damn voice! He made the role happen! Hot yet dignified, Anna Walton was ideal casting as Princess Nuala
T & A
Selma Blair looked so fine in that top and panties scene! Great legs, better butt! The ladies get Hellboy’s cut chest and his mammoth tail.
Guillermo was on top of his game, handling his action scenes with flair, managing to capture the awe and wonder of his otherworldly settings/creatures while knowing when to chill the f*ck down for the more character driven scenes. Lack of tension aside, no complaints on my end!
Elfman’s multi-vibed score echoed and amplified what was on the screen masterfully. Worked for me! We're also treated to a tight Rammstein ditty and a cute use of some Barry Manilow love song.
HELLBOY II was an amusing, creative and action packed flick. It wore its heart on its sleeve and had me smiling many o times. Moreover, its pacing was effortless and its cast and production value/designs were stand-out. Yeah, it was a tad too Fantasy-ish for my personal tastes (which made the feel of the film a tad soft), Young Hellboy didn’t ring true and plot holes were abound — but hey, I still had a great freaking time at the movies and at the end of the kill — that’s all that matters! Bring on Hellboy III — I’m there!
Agent John Myers was written out of this sequel cause actor Rupert Evans wasn't available. I( didn't miss him to be honest.

Seth MacFarlane replaced Thomas Kretschmann as the voice of Johann Kraus. del Toro was not happy with what the latter pulled off.