Reviews & Counting
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Marc Schoelermann

Milo Ventimiglia/Ted
Michael Weston/Jake
Alyssa Milano/Gwen
Lauren Lee Smith/Juliette
5 10
Some hot shot med school graduate (Ventimiglia) gets an internship gig at a high brow New York morgue and swiftly finds out that his peers like to smoke crack, kill people and try to guess how each other’s murders were done. Okay…
I was looking forward to dissecting PATHOLOGY (written by Crank scribes Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor). It never got released in my neck of the graveyard and what I had seen of it via trailers and clips showed mucho promise. So I was jacked for this puppy! Now that I’ve cut it open, fornicated with it while tapping C-dust, you can consider me somewhat bummed out cause it didn’t meet my expectations.

PATHOLOGY kept me remotely entertained throughout and that counted for something I guess. The pacing was BEYOND effortless, the morbid look of the flick endearing, it demanded LITTLE of my TINY IQ hence made for a easy time killer and lusting after Lauren Lee Smith (Juliette) kept me on my toes. Oh! And there was enough gore (badass makeup effects here by the way) and smut tossed on my windshield for me to be able to say: “Oh…well… that’s nice.” Actually now that I think of it, I have to respect this film’s shameless display of human ugliness and depravity. You see that kind of shite in C to B movies, but not in films distributed by major studios. So yeah even though, the whole of PATHOLGY was basically the equivalent of putrid, vacuous and poisoned smoke being blown up one’s ass. The fact that it actually went THAT WAY till the bitter end with no apologies or regrets has to be esteemed.

Sadly, that aside, PATHOLOGY was a riddle within a question when it came to its lead character. I didn’t know and still don’t know where our hero was coming from. The dude jumped head first into the game without blinking, smoked crack, became an accessory to murder and cheated on his dame with barely any coaxing needed and absolutely ZERO remorse. I wish the dingbat broads I date were THAT easy! So when he showed emotion down the road, it came across as nonsense, because for the most part this dude was a robot in brood mode 24/7. Now unless I’m watching BLADE RUNNER, how am I supposed to root or identify with a robot? Exactly. Didn’t happen. The same went for the sociopath pathologist side characters. I mean they didn't act like they could pull off graduating high school yet alone be GENIUS doctors. Furthermore, this medical’s school reaction to what its motley crue of crack smoking top dog students were doing was ridiculous. What reaction? There you have it. There wasn’t one! And that was my problem. In reality, somebody would’ve snitched these BLATANT flakes faster than I can spell “y-i-n-g” and the movie would’ve ended before it began.

And what was up with the Alyssa Milano character? Not much. She was an obvious pawn off the bat; the film really did a bad job at covering that one up. And to make matters worse, she was used in a clumsy and trite way hence the impact of her fate was considerably lessened. Finally, I’m still not sure what anybody’s motivation was here, the characters were so badly developed that I was lost in the dark. But I will say this if Ted (Ventimiglia) and Jake (Weston) would’ve gotten it over with and just banged each other silly already. — the flick would’ve been a fifteen minute short not a feature.

So in the end, PATHOLOGY went down okay on a superficial level; the visuals were striking, the actors good and Lauren Lee Smith was so hot that I’ve been pulling the baloney pony to her even since — but ask me what it was REALLY about? Go ahead! ASK ME! Yes? No? Either way…I HAVE NO IDEA!
Yup it gets messy here! We get mucho graphic autopsies, frozen lungs, axed out dames Milo Ventimiglia’s countless ass shots and more! The special effects were Grade A here. That fully body mock of Alysssa Milano was one for the books! I want one!
By rule of middle finger I dig Milo Ventimiglia (Ted) as an actor. Rocky Balboa, Heroes… dude is all right. Here though, he had nothing to play with. I’m still wondering if his character had a pulse. Michael Weston (Jake) had a hoot playing the psycho of the lot and he was fun to watch. Alyssa Milano (Gwen) looked good — not much of a part. Lauren Lee Smith (Juliette) looked even better! She oozed of sexual menace that of course, turned me the f*ck on. Damn that girl was fine!
T & A
Lauren Lee Smith tits = Arrow Happy. Way too many shots of Milo Ventimiglia’s butt = dames and dudes who dig dudes happy.
Music video director Marc Schoelermann came through when it came to stylized visuals, oppressive mood galore. With that said, it sometime felt too much like SAW cosmetic wise and personally, I’m sick and tired of that SAW way of shooting/editing. But that’s just me and my pet donkey yapping.
The score by Bibo No Aozora did the trick — no more — no less — love and kisses.
PATHOLOGY looked macabre good, was “out of line” and proud of it, went buck-nuts with the gory goods and personally I could’ve watched Lauren Lee Smith cut her tongue with a scalpel for at least 2 days straight. Sadly, character development was BEYOND weak hence making the twists and the whole feel pointless. As the end credits rolled I forgot the movie quicker than you can say titties. I did remember Lauren Lee Smith though…DAMN!
In the name of prep, lots of the cast members watched real autopsies. Yuk!

Lauren Lee Smith is of Canadian origin (Vancouver BC) and is dating the great German actor Til Schweiger.