LeBron: the movie

Lionsgate have acquired the rights to MORE THAN A GAME, a documentary about the varsity team at St. Vincent-St. Mary High School, who travel a winding road from a rundown gymnasium to national glory and NBA riches, seeking to remain a tight-knit quintet even as LeBron James becomes a megamillionaire. The film is said not to be merely a record of James’ achievements but as a feel-good story of overcoming adversity.

Sweet. Now LeBron has his own movie. He’s talk, dark, handsome, rich, awesome at sport, and he’s my age. What the hell is this guy’s deal? He thinks he’s so damn great. I don’t advocate violence, but I was thinking a kick-ass thing to do to LeBron James would be to ask him for his autograph and then when he was distracted, to sick a pack of hungry bears on him. Just to bring him down to size. But now I picture it happening and he just clunks the bears’ heads together like Schwarzenegger at the start of TRUE LIES. And then he crushes the ensuing PETA protest with a combination of his winning smile and mind javelins.