If my perusing of celebrity gossip websites is to be trusted, then Long might be the only person in the history of the species that can use the excuse that he actually did just slip, fall, and land his penis in some chick’s vagina. I understand he’s hooking up with Tila Tequila now. And this is after this stud muffin was reportedly banging Kirsten Dunst, one of the Olsens and before that Drew Barrymore, hardly taking time to come up for air. It makes complete sense to put yourself in a Christina Ricci movie if you’re afflicted with such a sickness. Unless you slip in Neeson’s trailer, in which case you’ve got a whole new problem.