I’m thankful that my daughter is just a baby, otherwise I’m sure she’d make me buy this new toyline from Mattel called MONSTER HIGH, which looks like the scariest thing I’ve ever seen: Bratz style dolls who are also monsters. Then again, thanks to writers Alfred Gough and Miles Millar (SMALLVILLE), we’ll all be dealing with this insanity when MONSTER HIGH hits theaters, courtesy of those f*cks at Universal Pictures.
According to The Hollywood Reporter, MONSTER HIGH is the next big thing in terms of toylines crossing over to the big screen. But before we dive too deep into this craziness, let’s take a look at what MONSTER HIGH is all about: [the film is set at the ] “frighteningly fashionable” Monster High and features the spawn of famous monsters including Dracula, Frankenstein and the Wolfman undergoing the trials and tribulations of high school.
Pre-teen angst, werewolves, vampires, and other shenanigans… what does this sound like? Oh yeah… I wonder if Belle and Edward’s spawn will be there as well (click HERE for more details)? Probably. It’s described as THE ADDAMS FAMILY meets BEETLEJUICE, with a splash of GLEE thrown in for good measure. It also sounds like the worse idea of all time.
But it won’t stop with the movie, as there’s plans for toys, accessories, webisodes, books, and assorted apparel. I fear the future, and the future (according to Mattel and Universal) is MONSTER HIGH. There’s even an OFFICIAL WEBSITE for it already, featuring cartoons and one of the most dreadful theme songs ever.
God help us all.