Categories: JoBlo Originals

Movie Jail: This week’s defendant is…Jennifer Aniston!

Welcome to Movie Jail, a facility like any other, only its inmates are

Hollywood

writers, directors, actors and producers. This column will serve as a

Movie Jail

trial. We will put one defendant on trial; lay out arguments for the

Prosecution and

Defense. And we leave it up to YOU, the reader, to decide whether the

defendant

is guilty of his or her crime. What crime? The crime of cinematic

inconsistency or on the flipside, consistently being

a stinking

shithouse.

The

Defendant


Jennifer Aniston

The

Case

The Prosecution: Bounty Hunters, Love Happens,

Rumor Has it, Love Happens, He’s Just Not That Into You, The Object of My

Affection, Marley & Me, Along Came Polly, fuck it any rom com from the

90s*

Ladies and gentleman of the jury, while looking over

prospective Movie Jail contenders, the main man, JoBlo himself,

suggested that the prosecuting attorneys look at the case of Ms. Jennifer

Aniston. While we initially didn’t think one way or another about Ms.

Aniston, after reviewing the cavalcade of shit she’s recently been in, we

think a stint in the slammer is in order. We all loved Ms. Aniston’s “oh

gosh”, sometimes goofy, girl next door demeanor growing up. She had some

interesting choices earlier in her career, but over the last few years, it

seems she’s relegated herself to safe rom com fare. We understand that

someone has to do it, but some of the flicks she’s been in are just plain bad

with predictable characters and horrible scripts. We think some time in

Movie Jail could set her on the straight and narrow, and give us more

Horrible Bosses style performances.

The Defense: She’s the One, Rock Star, Office

Space, Leprechaun, Derailed, The Break Up, Bruce Almighty, Horrible Bosses

*

Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, what does the prosecution

have against beautiful women filling rom com roles in Hollywood? Ms. Aniston

is a staple of 90s entertainment and though she may have slipped into a

safety net of romantic comedy films, we think she’s pretty damn good at

filling that role. We also think her turn as the sexy as all hell doctor in

Horrible Bosses is enough to give her amnesty for another few years.

How about we acquit Ms. Aniston of all charges and give her a chance at

making another Horrible Bosses or something equally groovy? Also, for

what it is, Marley & Me ain’t so bad. -*Editor’s Note: The fuck?

IN

CLOSING…

So, what’s to be done with Jennifer Aniston? Is her

incarceration long overdue? Can she bounce back and deliver quality

performances again?

And the

most important question to be asked, once all evidence is taken into

consideration, we ask

you The Jury, is Jennifer Aniston GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?

Let’s

hear YOUR

arguments, either side, by STRIKING BACK BELOW.

*The court recognizes that all movies are subjective, so

relax.

WHAT SAY YOU,

GUILTY OR

NOT?

LAST WEEK’S

VERDICT

It is the jury’s decision that after reviewing

last week’s evidence, the court finds Tyler Perry
GUILTY of all charges. Sure, you may have a niche audience Mr. Perry,

but you’ve completely lost the rest of us.

PREVIOUS

VERDICTS

GUILTY NOT

GUILTY


Adam

Sandler

Eddie

Murphy

Vince

Vaughn

Tim

Burton

The Farrelly

Brothers

Michael

Bay

Jessica

Alba

Ice

Cube

Gerard

Butler

Halle

Berry

Marlon

Wayans

Julia

Roberts

M. Night Shyamalan

Katherine Heigl

Cuba Gooding, Jr.

Tyler

Perry

Robert De

Niro

Val

Kilmer

Nic

Cage

John

Travolta

Oliver

Stone

Ben

Stiller

Jim

Carrey

Wes

Craven

Matthew

McConaughey

Robert

Rodriguez

Kristen

Stewart

Roland

Emmerich

Kevin

Costner

Sandra

Bullock

Hilary

Swank

Al

Pacino

Keanu

Reeves

Kevin

Smith

Channing

Tatum

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Published by
Johnny Moreno