Categories: JoBlo Originals

Movie Jail: This week’s defendant is…Owen Wilson!

Welcome to Movie Jail, a facility like any other, only its inmates are

Hollywood

writers, directors, actors and producers. This column will serve as a

Movie Jail

trial. We will put one defendant on trial; lay out arguments for the

Prosecution and

Defense. And we leave it up to YOU, the reader, to decide whether the

defendant

is guilty of his or her crime. What crime? The crime of cinematic inconsistency or on the flipside, consistently being

a stinking

shithouse.

The

Defendant


Owen Wilson

The

Case

The Prosecution: Hall Pass, The Big Year, How Do You Know, Marmaduke, Little Fockers, year One, Drillbit Taylor, You Me & Dupree, Around the World in 80 Days, The Big Bounce, I Spy, Marley & Me*

Ladies and gentleman of the jury, while taking in the goodness that was Evil Dead this weekend, we were treated to a trailer for The Internship with Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilso. It got us thinking, it’s been a while since we’ve seen a solid Owen Wilson performance. And considering the court has already sent his co-star Vince Vaughn to Movie Jail, we feel it is in everyone’s best interest that Mr. Wilson also be sent to said facilities. While the defendant has written and produced some quality movies and roles over the years, we feel he’s left all there is on the table. We enjoyed Midnight in Paris, but that is but one bright spot in an otherwise shitty five year stretch. Perhaps some time in Movie Jail could set Mr. Wilson on the right path (i.e., more Wes Anderson collaborations) and break up the trend that he’s been on for the past few years.

The Defense: Fantastic Mr. Fox, Midnight in Paris, Cars, The Darjeeling Limited, Night at the Museum, Wedding Crashers, The Royal Tenenbaums, Zoolander, Meet the Parents, Rushmore, Bottle Rocket *

Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, we feel our client, Mr. Wilson, deserves some leniency in this case. Has he had some clunkers in the past? Sure, but who hasn’t? His last big release, Hall Pass, wasn’t completely horrible, and generally, Mr. Wilson is good in whatever subpar movie he acts in. That counts for a lot in our book. Not to mention, his collaboration with Wes Anderson has created some of the best movies over the last decade. Just last week, we had Mr. Wilson’s Marley & Me co-star Jennifer Aniston take the stand, and there were quite a few of people who moved for her dismissal. If the jury can find it in their movie going hearts to acquit Ms. Aniston (oops, spoiler), then surely they can dismiss Mr. Wilson’s case. But we understand, Ms. Aniston has way better tits than Dignan does.

IN

CLOSING…

So, what’s to be done with Owen Wilson? Has he simply just had a bad few years and made a few bad choices? Should he be punished for that? Will a couple of years in Movie Jail do the lad some good?

And the

most important question to be asked, once all evidence is taken into

consideration, we ask

you The Jury, is Owen Wilson GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?

Let’s

hear YOUR

arguments, either side, by STRIKING BACK BELOW.

*The court recognizes that all movies are subjective, so

relax.

WHAT SAY YOU,

GUILTY OR

NOT?

LAST WEEK’S

VERDICT

It is the jury’s decision that after reviewing

last week’s evidence, the court finds Jennifer Aniston
NOT GUILTY of all charges. By only a handful of votes, the jury kept America’s sweetheart out of Movie Jail, citing the quality of her movies not being completely “horrible”, and also giving props to her overall hotness.

PREVIOUS

VERDICTS

GUILTY NOT

GUILTY


Adam

Sandler

Eddie

Murphy

Vince

Vaughn

Tim

Burton

The Farrelly

Brothers

Michael

Bay

Jessica

Alba

Ice

Cube

Gerard

Butler

Halle

Berry

Marlon

Wayans

Julia

Roberts

M. Night Shyamalan

Katherine Heigl

Cuba Gooding, Jr.

Tyler Perry

Robert De

Niro

Val

Kilmer

Nic

Cage

John

Travolta

Oliver

Stone

Ben

Stiller

Jim

Carrey

Wes

Craven

Matthew

McConaughey

Robert

Rodriguez

Kristen

Stewart

Roland

Emmerich

Kevin

Costner

Sandra

Bullock

Hilary Swank

Al

Pacino

Keanu Reeves

Kevin Smith

Channing Tatum

Jennifer Aniston

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Published by
Johnny Moreno