Tag Line: He’s L.A. Detective Mason Storm. Three hired assassins left him for dead. And he’s waited seven years to even the score.
Directed by Bruce Malmuth
Starring Steven Seagal, Kelly LeBrock, William Sadler
THE KILL: This was a tough choice for me: if I had to pick one Steven Seagal movie to discuss and recommend, what would it be? Out of much deliberation I decided to go with HARD TO KILL, Seagal’s second string of films where the title directly ties his name into it by adding an ‘is’ in-between (i.e., Steven Seagal is ABOVE THE LAW… Steven Seagal is HARD TO KILL… Steven Seagal is MARKED FOR DEATH…. Steven Seagal is OUT FOR JUSTICE…). It’s interesting to note that while this is his second movie ever, he’s already being marketed and referred to as a ‘big action star’. I suppose this could only happen in the 80s, where names and star power were more important than story and special effects.
HARD TO KILL encompasses all the things we’ve grown to love about any of the above Seagal movies (and to a lesser extent, his later films- including those that went straight to video). Essentially, he’s a badass. Maybe it’s Seagal’s lack of facial expressions (primarily grimacing all the time), or his monotone speech inflictions (everything’s said in the same gruff and smooth voice- no matter what), or even his slicked back pony tail hairstyle that’s the same in every movie…. any way you look at it, the man’s a badass- and there’s no exception here as Detective Mason Storm (hell, even his name’s badass!).
Seagal’s other persona that equals a good time at the movies is his knack for kicking ass and shooting first… then maybe, if they’re lucky, asking questions later. At the time, Seagal’s style of Aikido was something audiences had never seen before, making his martial arts style of choice unique and exciting. This is kinda crazy, because Aikido’s all about getting out of the way, throwing people to the floor, and using pressure points to put people out of commission- which is essentially what Seagal does here. Except he throws people through windows, breaks wrists and snaps necks like it’s going out of style. There’s not a whole lot of flashy spin kicks, or the kind of martial arts that looks great on film, but are impractical in real life- this is the real deal because Seagal is the real deal.
So no matter how ridiculous and cheesy the sequences in HARD TO KILL are, whether he’s punching down his punching post in training, running (goofily, I might add) to the top of a giant mountain for meditation purposes, talking shit to the TV or blowing away gardening pots like they’re bad guys, Seagal’s the f*cking man, and most of all…. he’s HARD TO KILL (he really is- his alleged ‘death’ sequence would have killed just about anybody if they weren’t the star of the movie)!
Note 1: It’s nice to see William Sadler playing the bad guy here. Immediately after this flick, he went on to play his more famous bad guy role as Col. Stuart in the action extravaganza known as DIE HARD 2: DIE HARDER.
Note 2: Kelly LeBrock, Seagal’s love interest in the film, is given some of the worse dialog in film history. It’s flippin’ hilarious.
TOP DEATH: Seagal’s obsession with kicking ass around a pool table is showcased here as well (also seen in ABOVE THE LAW and OUT FOR JUSTICE), taking one pool cue, breaking it in half, and stabbing the lead assassin in the throat. Maybe not the coolest kill, but damn it felt good.
TOP ACTION SCENE: When Seagal stops by a liquor store to pick up some champagne for he and his wife, he’s met with a gang of baddies looking to rob the joint. Note to bad guys: it’s never a good idea to rob a place that Seagal is in. He will f*ck you up.
TOP HOMOEROTIC MOMENT: Seagal, groggy and just waking up from his 7 year coma, has to go through some physical therapy to gain back his strength. His perky male physical therapist seems to have a liking to Seagal, and Seagal isn’t happy about it.
Physical Therapist: My name is Danny. I’m the physical therapist. I’m going to give you a massage, take you down the hall, and make you feel all right, okay?
Seagal: Get the f*ck out of here.
FEMALE EXPLOITATION: Seagal loves to grab ass while he makes out with chicks, and it’s shown here not once, but twice! Nice! When he gets it on with his nurse friend, she drops by his room wearing the biggest f*ck-me outfit ever seen in the 80s and holding a flower. She actually has this to say to him: “I was just in the neighborhood and thought you might like this flower.” The next scene, they’re getting it on.
TOP LINE/DIALOGUE:
Senator Trent (on TV): And you can take that to the bank!
Seagal: I’m gonna take you to the bank, Senator Trent. To the blood bank!
DRINKING GAME: Every time Kelly LeBrock says something ridiculously stupid, you have to drink. Trust me, you’ll be shitfaced by the time the credits roll.
TRIVIA:
When I was 11, I had the HARD TO KILL movie poster in my room that I picked up from a video store for fifty cents. It was awesome.
Kelly LeBrock and Steven Seagal were married in real life when this movie was made. They have 3 kids together, and divorced 6 years after its release.