SEAGALOGY
Rating: 3.5 on 4
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Get the book here
Tagline: A study of the ass-kicking
films of Steven Seagal
Written by: Vern
THE PLAN: A book that
thoroughly explores the sacred oeuvres of Steven Seagal: aikido master, environmentalist,
blues singer and once A list action star – now Z list action…well…star. Take
this wrist and break it!
THE KILL: I was and still am
a fan early Seagal (The Golden Era as this book slyly refers to it).
From Above the
Law through Marked for Death till Out for Justice, the only man in the world to
ever make a ponytail look masculine could do no wrong in my eyes. I dug some
of the Silver Era films as well, sometimes for the right reasons and
other times for the wrong reasons (On Deadly Ground was
so bad its good – I’ll never get over Seagal preaching about the environment
RIGHT AFTER he blew up an oil rig, letting them fumes out into the atmosphere…LOL).
In this day and age of “macho” being out and pussyfied action
being “in” I often go back to them films to remind myself of what men
being men and real action is all about. Now I had never heard of the author (Vern
of Aint it Cool News) before breaking this book’s arm, throwing its head
through a car windshield and calling it a life. But now the duder will
stay in my noggin since he has earned my respect via this affectionate, in depth and often side splitting
piece of work.
Seagal bursting through the screen in ABOVE THE LAW!
SEAGOLOGY is a Steven Seagal fan’s wet dream come true! The book
explores every single flick he ever did (up to Pistol Whipped); dissecting the plot lines,
the undercurrent
themes, the politics at hand, the macho man dialogue and even how Seagal’s personality and beliefs
seeped into his work. As I was
reading this bad boy, Vern would come up with shit that I had never though about
as to our fav Mu-Mu wearing ass kicker (like how On Deadly Ground is the
definitive Seagal flick in terms of Seagal the man being expressed via his
films). He cleverly deconstructed the chain of events of many of Seagal’s films,
often with hilarious results while putting out stone cold facts about the man.
Seagal kicking some serious ass in MARKED FOR DEATH
And it was that kind of insight, attention to the Segeal details
while putting out a winning sense of humor that made this book go
down smoother than a hooker on her knees with an ice cube in her mouth. The fact
that Vern is obviously a huge fan of Mr. Seagal jacked up the involving factor
too. Although un-afraid to point out Seagal’s missteps over the
years; they were still addressed with a sense of respect and admiration . Yes, even
when mucking up Steven Seagal; was and still is a fascinating character, one
who’s varied accomplishments should not be ignored cause he puts out
shitty STD films today with stunt doubles doing the bulk of the fighting for him.
Seagal hits the big time with UNDER SIEGE!
Any negatives? Well the book doesn’t have any pictures in it
(copyright too $$$ I assume). Now I’m not the type of mook that can’t read a book
with no stills; I love reading period. But this particular book kind of begged for them.
They would’ve made a nice addition to the fine Seagal lecture. Finally I can’t
say I gave much of fudge about the book’s later exploration of Seagal’s STD era.
Not that the writing was “off”; it was just that I didn’t
give a shit about the films that were addressed. Seagal personally lost me with
The Glimmer Man, semi me reeled me back in with Exit Wounds and Belly of the Beast
and then I tuned
out. I did give his STD stuff a chance with Submerged and Today You Die; but
they sucked so much trout balls that I called it a life.
The last really good Seagal I ever saw – BELLY OF THE
BEAST.
I did get down to the closing chapters though. The groovy “fanboy”
story of Vern attending a Steven Segal concert, the in depth exploration of
Seagal’s other works/appearances, the plethora (I don’t know what that word
means either) of Seagal-trivia and the listings of the Seagal films that should’ve
been all made me a more fulfilled human being. To be honest after I read the
book, I re-watched Marked for Death, Fire Down Below (underrated
that flick) and Under Siege 2. Damn that felt
good! I had a blast!
Seagal in the recent PISTOL WHIPPED!
In my shit laced opinion, a book of Seagalogy’s ilk was long overdue. Yes
Seagal’s current STD career is sad; but last I checked he was the first white
dude ever to have an Aikido dojo in Japan, he trained Sean Connery (and
accidentally broke his wrist) for Never Say Never Again (1983), was deemed the reincarnation of a Buddhist Lama
by the powers that be, began his acting career as a LEAD, backed by an ace
director (Andrew Davis), he wrote and directed his own
feature, I hear he’s a pretty good singer/guitar player
AND…he has his own energy drink (Lighting Bolt baby – get the regular kind…it
owns!). Take that to the bank and
cash it! If I accomplish half of what Seagal has achieved in my own life, I’ll be a
champ! Hence Steven Seagal OWNS!
Here’s the TRAILER for my fav Seagal flick!