I’m not sure there’s much better in genre than a good monster movie. Just look to the nationwide fangasm that’s building as 1-18-08 approaches for proof (better deliver J.J.). The problem this poses is that most monster movies feature crappy monsters. If they’re not outright derivative (Pumpkinhead, anyone?) they’re ridiculous (a f#cking Leprechaun??).
But holy shite when they get it right the experience is so sweeeeeet! Now for this list I am focusing strictly on monsters. No sharks, giant beasts, or undead humans. Mutated humans and hellspawn? Sure. Undead? No. To be clear this leaves out vampires, zombies, Frankenstein, werewolves and Jaws among others. As always I encourage you to spit bullets if you disagree with my reasoning, but now you know why some of your favorites may not make the list.
WARNING – SOME SPOILERS AHEAD!
10. The Blob – THE BLOB
Sure it’s a big ball of goo, but if Steve McQueen is scared of this f*cker than so am I. I remember seeing The Blob when I was very young, and maybe that’s had a lasting impression on me. But a lot of what makes good slashers scary is the feeling of a relentless, unstoppable force that will get you eventually. The blob is all that, plus you don’t have the illusion that you can kill it. I mean, how do you kill goo?! It’s gonna get you.
9. Grant Slug – SLITHER
As an example of the pure loathsome, grotesque awesomeness that modern day effects allow, you need look no further than Grant as he becomes the Grand Central Slug. The amount of muck and gore coming off this thing goes way beyond repulsive. Then you’ve got the tentacles, and the mouth, and the ever bloating body. Plus more slugs keep coming out of it. I really mean it when I say this – Yuck!
8. Graboids – TREMORS
How do you make the JAWS concept scary on land. Michael Douglas and Val Kilmer tried and failed in THE GHOST AND THE DARKNESS. Kevin Bacon and Michael Gross succeed with a lot of the help from the Graboids. Like some kind of hellish mix of all those worms from 8th grade bio, and a really pissed off Venus Flytrap, these underground marauders do not f*ck around. Sure you can hide on a rock, but if you even throw something at the ground, they are coming and coming hard. Good luck not shitting your pants.
7. Gremlins – GREMLINS
Yes, Mogwai’s are cute. Yes, by the time GREMLINS 2 rolled around, the gremlins themselves were no longer scary (except for maybe that spider one). Doesn’t change the fact that for a brief instant before the advent of PG-13, there was a PG Christmas movie that carried more darkness and intensity than any crap remake coming out these days. Why? Because Stripe and his band of hooligans were some mean, evil, mischievous motherf*ckers. Is their presence too intense for kids? Yes. And thank Joe Dante for that.
6. Han River Mutant – THE HOST
Unlike many genre fans I was nearly bored to tears by THE HOST. I couldn’t care less about the characters and would have been happy if they all died. But every time that Han River beast came on screen a smile lit across my face. That bad boy moved like nothing I’d ever seen. Ate without mercy or remorse. Plus it was smart. On top of that it was so well designed that scoping it during long sequences of daylight was no problem. It looked real, it felt real, and man was I rooting for it!
STAY TUNED FOR PART 2!