Somehow it seems that I am the guy who gets the honor of reporting on any and every Uwe Boll project. Sure, I seek out these assignments and get angry and weepy when my colleagues write stories about Uwe, and I continually get asked why I even bother writing about the Doctor when no one wants to hear anything about him, but that’s not the point. This is the life I chose.
So it’s up to me to share a press release explaining that he’s already got another flick in the works (this while DUNGEON SIEGE, POSTAL, SEED, BLOODRAYNE 2 and Vietnam-in-Africa opus TUNNEL RATS all await release), and holy motherf’n Crap!! It’s based on a video game! FAR CRY is going ahead with a 25 million dollar budget, and a leading man, Til Schweiger. You may remember Til from such movies as KING ARTHUR and LARA CROFT: THE CRADLE OF LIFE. Apparently, he’s bigger than freakin’ Hasselhoff in Germany, and Uwe is pleased as punch to have him aboard:
“I’m happy to be shooting a movie with Germany’s biggest star: Til Schweiger. Til has 3 movies in Germany’s TOP 50 BOX OFFICE ALL TIME HIT LIST and is the only German actor who automatically opens a movie with a wide release!”
That settles it, FAR CRY is a hit. But let’s get formalities out of the way and take a look at the plot. Should be easy enough to sum up with a concise synopsis…
In a mysterious forest, a group of mercenaries are attacked. A scientist, Dr. Krieger, watches this from a secret research facility, obviously pleased with the results of his work.
In Seattle, a veteran newspaper editor makes arrangements to send his two archrival reporters, Tom Moore and Valerie Constantine to check out the mysterious reports coming from an island in the Pacific Northwest. Once on the island, it doesn’t take long for the duo and their Captain, Jack Carver (Til Schweiger), to find trouble.
Mercenary commander Maria Sanchez immediately tries to capture them. Valerie and Jack manage to escape but Tom is killed. The mercenaries are hot on their heels and Valerie and Jack argue about their plan. Jack wants to get off the island as quickly as possible by reaching his friend Emilio. Valerie, a seasoned reporter, wants to gather more evidence for her story.
After several dramatic chases and an encounter with the strange creatures, Valerie, Jack and Emilio are captured and brought to Kreiger.
Krieger wants Valerie to join him in reporting his- you know what, that’s good enough. It actually just goes on and on, but you don’t want too much spoiled for you, right? Hell, I’m just trying to contain the high-pitched giggles of delight that are shooting up from my tummy like bubbles from a just-popped champagne bottle. So many Uwe movies, so little time until the next one is announced.
Speaking of Lara Croft…