Movie Review: A Dark Song
Exclusive interview with Mick Garris!
Trailer for Aussie abduction thriller Hounds of Love
Master of the Universe reboot coming in 2019
David Fincher will direct World War Z sequel
Black Sheep: Anacondas: Hunt for the Blood Orchid
Salma Hayek reminisces about her big From Dusk Til Dawn scene
Movie Review: Rupture
Unbreakable sequel officially coming in 2019
Alien: Covenant prologue shows what happened to Shaw
A Cure for Wellness Blu-ray release date announced
Face Off: It the Terror from Beyond Space vs Planet of the Vampires
That's not to take away from the solid cast.
Granted most of them played despicable and dim witted cunts that begged for my
trustee back-hand... but that doesn't change that the actresses
behind the roles rocked it. Briana Evigan gave me a "good girl" to root for in Cassidy, Leah Pipes had a blast with the uber
bitch role of Jessica (loved to hate her, to wanna f*ck her) while Chugs tackled by Margo Harshman was...
well... "special". She reminded me of half the gals I nailed - so my dead beat heart was
warmed up by her - what can I say, I dig them trashy! NOTE: Shout out to
Maxx Hennard as Mickey. PROPS BRO! You had me in stitches. Only cool male
character in his flick! END OF NOTE. Add
to that a fun appearance by a shot gun taunting CARRIE FISHER, a groovy-ass
weapon that got the job done (pimped out tire iron...I want one) and enough female
flesh peddling to fill up at least 20 minutes of right handed self love and ya
get a slasher that didn't reinvent the wheel, but spun it with enough
oomph to be at least worth one watch.
Alas, problems were afoot with this one. There was a "whodunit" here, one that you'll figure out real quick if you know the standard 90's Hollywood Horror Movie Whodunit ploys. So shame on the film for sticking too much to the mold and failing to surprise me. And yes there were cool kills and all, but tension was rarely in this house of twats (jump scares on the other hand...enjoy). So BOOOO for that too! Worse of all though; the flick was dumb as nails often enough (the last bock was abysmal in that department). The film's knack of having side characters do the dumbest shit or act in "threatening ways" out of left field to fool us was embarrassing. I'm all for red herrings but this flick took it to an all new low. Kinda sad. Same went for one character's SUDDEN change in personality. PLEASSSSE. What was supposed to be a hero moment almost made me hurl in my own mouth and in the mouth of that chick next to me (kinky). There's underestimating your audience and then there's insulting it. This one did both. Finally, what was up with the meat behind the whodunit? Having that person be the killer made ZERO sense. The motive blew sheep cachous and common sense was out the window looking for Godot. Far from plausible or satisfying.
PS: Whoever chose the awful techno/hairy bush music that was in this flick -
raise your hand - so I know where to aim.
So all in all I dug Row' sense of humor, its performances, its female candy and it brutal kills. But further brain cells and a better last act were so needed.