Director: Tom Holland
Robert John Burke/Billy
Fat boy Billy (Burke) accidentally runs over some gypsy broad (his wife was giving him head in the carâ€¦ain't love grand). The gypsyâ€™s father (some real ugly dude) curses chubby in the name of justice. The curse makes poor Billy lose weight at an incredible speed and if the old man doesnâ€™t take off the bad spell Billyâ€™s going to be erased.
Another harmless "Stephen King" based offering that doesnâ€™t blow the roof off the house but is not too embarrassing either. I think the main problem with the film is that the premise doesnâ€™t have enough meat to fill a feature length movie. Sometimes you feel the film is going around in circles, killing time and thereâ€™s a totally unnecessary "dream sequence" that was obviously put there to either fill in the clocking time or punch up the film a bit. The film does for gypsyâ€™s what Rosemaryâ€™s Baby did for senior citizen. You will hate them. The gypsies are strictly one dimensional characters, the film does give a few half ass attempts to make us see their perspective, make them "real" people but they fail. Another problem I had with the film: I doubt a highly ranked "mafioso" would do a hit himself. He would send his boys to do it. At least we get to see Mantegna have a blast with a machine gun and be a badass, thatâ€™s at least worth a buck.
On a positive note the film does boast a good cast: Robert John Burke and Joe Mantegna are fun to watch, the effects are impressive, we get a few funny lines such as: "The curse of the white man from town" or my favorite "He was a mook but he was my mook" and the ending has a pleasant mean streak. But I vote that Hollywood should not adapt every single thing King has ever written. Some of his stuff works like a charm on screen (Shawshank Redemption) others are just mediocre. Thinner is a tad too thin to be a movie, but Iâ€™m sure itâ€™s a great book.
Let's weigh this oneâ€¦
Greg Cannon does good. The "fat" makeup on Burke is incredible, so is the "thin" makeup. The "lizard" man also looked good and pretty yucky. We also get a few gory bits, my fave, being a hand being shot by a sling shotâ€¦result: a hole in the handâ€¦nicely done.
Robert John Burke (Billy) gives a great performance helped by fantastic makeup, he holds the film together and his prestation keeps us watching. Joe Mantegna (Richie) plays Joe Mantegna againâ€¦and I loved it. Lucinda Jenney (Heidi) does ok with the role of the "maybe" cheating wifeâ€¦.nothing more. Michael Constantine (Tadzu) plays the chief gypsy in a very broad way. He makes everything big and we never forget that heâ€™s just another villain in a movieâ€¦not even close to a real person. Kari Wuhrer (Gina) feels the need to yell every time she fires her damn sling shotâ€¦thatâ€™s most of the acting we get. But I will give her thisâ€¦baby looks good.
T & A
Kari Wuhrer almost shows us a nipple (little tease) she should have, it would have made her performance more bearable. We also see Burkeâ€™s fake prosthetic fat assâ€¦now thatâ€™s scary.
Tom Holland who did such a great job with Fright Night and Childâ€™s Play seems to be asleep at the wheel here. There isnâ€™t one moment when you feel the directorâ€™s presence. Mainly point and shoot the whole way. Holland wake up!!!!!!!!
Thereâ€™s a scoreâ€¦nothing memorable.
This King adaptation isnâ€™t a stinker (like Children Of The Corn) or a big winner (like Pet Semetary), itâ€™s more along the lines of Silver Bullet (which was a better film). Rent it for Burkeâ€™s performance, Mantegna playing yet another mafia dude or the impressive effects. Or donâ€™t rent it at all and slap "Maximum Overdrive" in your video. There I said itâ€¦I loved Maximum Overdriveâ€¦.It feels good to be out of the closet.
This film was shotâ€¦in Maine USAâ€¦where else.