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Thinner(1996)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Tom Holland

Starring:
Robert John Burke/Billy
Joe Mantegna/Richie
Lucinda Jenney/Heidi
Kari Wuhrer/Gina
5 10
PLOT-CRUNCH
Fat boy Billy (Burke) accidentally runs over some gypsy broad (his wife was giving him head in the car…ain\'t love grand). The gypsy’s father (some real ugly dude) curses chubby in the name of justice. The curse makes poor Billy lose weight at an incredible speed and if the old man doesn’t take off the bad spell Billy’s going to be erased.
THE LOWDOWN
Another harmless \"Stephen King\" based offering that doesn’t blow the roof off the house but is not too embarrassing either. I think the main problem with the film is that the premise doesn’t have enough meat to fill a feature length movie. Sometimes you feel the film is going around in circles, killing time and there’s a totally unnecessary \"dream sequence\" that was obviously put there to either fill in the clocking time or punch up the film a bit. The film does for gypsy’s what Rosemary’s Baby did for senior citizen. You will hate them. The gypsies are strictly one dimensional characters, the film does give a few half ass attempts to make us see their perspective, make them \"real\" people but they fail. Another problem I had with the film: I doubt a highly ranked \"mafioso\" would do a hit himself. He would send his boys to do it. At least we get to see Mantegna have a blast with a machine gun and be a badass, that’s at least worth a buck.

On a positive note the film does boast a good cast: Robert John Burke and Joe Mantegna are fun to watch, the effects are impressive, we get a few funny lines such as: \"The curse of the white man from town\" or my favorite \"He was a mook but he was my mook\" and the ending has a pleasant mean streak. But I vote that Hollywood should not adapt every single thing King has ever written. Some of his stuff works like a charm on screen (Shawshank Redemption) others are just mediocre. Thinner is a tad too thin to be a movie, but I’m sure it’s a great book.

Let\'s weigh this one…
GORE
Greg Cannon does good. The \"fat\" makeup on Burke is incredible, so is the \"thin\" makeup. The \"lizard\" man also looked good and pretty yucky. We also get a few gory bits, my fave, being a hand being shot by a sling shot…result: a hole in the hand…nicely done.
ACTING
Robert John Burke (Billy) gives a great performance helped by fantastic makeup, he holds the film together and his prestation keeps us watching. Joe Mantegna (Richie) plays Joe Mantegna again…and I loved it. Lucinda Jenney (Heidi) does ok with the role of the \"maybe\" cheating wife….nothing more. Michael Constantine (Tadzu) plays the chief gypsy in a very broad way. He makes everything big and we never forget that he’s just another villain in a movie…not even close to a real person. Kari Wuhrer (Gina) feels the need to yell every time she fires her damn sling shot…that’s most of the acting we get. But I will give her this…baby looks good.
T & A
Kari Wuhrer almost shows us a nipple (little tease) she should have, it would have made her performance more bearable. We also see Burke’s fake prosthetic fat ass…now that’s scary.
DIRECTING
Tom Holland who did such a great job with Fright Night and Child’s Play seems to be asleep at the wheel here. There isn’t one moment when you feel the director’s presence. Mainly point and shoot the whole way. Holland wake up!!!!!!!!
SOUNDTRACK
There’s a score…nothing memorable.
BOTTOM LINE
This King adaptation isn’t a stinker (like Children Of The Corn) or a big winner (like Pet Semetary), it’s more along the lines of Silver Bullet (which was a better film). Rent it for Burke’s performance, Mantegna playing yet another mafia dude or the impressive effects. Or don’t rent it at all and slap \"Maximum Overdrive\" in your video. There I said it…I loved Maximum Overdrive….It feels good to be out of the closet.
BULL'S EYE
This film was shot…in Maine USA…where else.