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Review: Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2

Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2
04.17.2015
2 10

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PLOT: Paul Blart (Kevin James) – with his daughter (Raini Rodriguez) in tow – heads to Las Vegas after being invited to speak at a security trade-show. While there, he stumbles upon an art-heist masterminded by a high-tech thief (Neal McDonough) and his (inept) crew.

REVIEW: If there's a dark side to being a film critic, folks you better believe this is it. For all the perks (and there are many) every once in a while, we have to suffer through a real dog like PAUL BLART: MALL COP 2. And boy oh boy, this is probably the worst time I've had at a movie theater since – oh I dunno – the last Happy Madison production I sat through (was it BLENDED?).

paul blart mall cop 2 kevin james kiss

In the spirit of fairness, I will say this – I never saw the original PAUL BLART: MALL COP. Suffice to say, the intricacies of the sequel didn't escape me. It's actually quite sad how deeply unfunny this is. Kevin James seems like a nice guy. But he's just not funny – or at least not in movies like this. When guys like him, who rely on man-child shtick, hit middle-age, it becomes really quite sad watching them try desperately to wring laughs out of such horribly unfunny material. In James' case, this means lots of running around screaming, lots of “funny” faces, lots of tripping and lots of bumping into things. Unless you're eight years old or under, there's not much here to laugh at, except the desperation of it all.

What's worse is that while I can laugh at how bad a Sandler movie is because he just clearly doesn't care anymore (although hopefully that'll change with PIXELS) James seems to genuinely want to do a good job. A few years ago, he slimmed down considerably and put out a pretty solid movie – HERE COMES THE BOOM – which tanked. Fast-forward to a few years later and the weight's back on with him doing the same tired stuff he was trying to break away from. I will give James some credit though – for a big man he moves really well and seems to have Bud Spencer-style reserves of energy. Sad to say, that's not nearly enough to make this any less of an ordeal.

paul blart mall cop 2 kevin james segway

There's really absolutely nothing about PAUL BLART: MALL COP 2 that makes it worth watching. For one thing, this is clearly a case where the studio probably sensed the audience was diminishing, so they did it on the cheap. Like a few other sequels (THINK LIKE A MAN TOO, MISS CONGENIALITY 2) this is set in Las Vegas (I assume the tax credits are great) meaning lots of product placement (the hench-woman wears an Apple Watch – which gets a loving close-up), with the most obvious of all being the Wynn resort, with Steve Wynn himself getting a cameo – a reference that will likely be lost of the kids this is meant for (I assume it's to get their parents to go there on vacation).

As far as laughs go, there really are none unless you think watching Kevin James fight a CGI bird is funny (a CGI critter fight is a Happy Madison staple). Neal McDonough as the bad guy doesn't get to show any of that Quarles-Justified craziness until the very end, while a subplot about an amorous hotel employee (who looks like a cross between Eva Mendes and Sofia Vergara) who pursues Blart falls flat. Jayma Mays from the first film is written out of the sequel, while Shirley Knight is hit by a milk truck in the first five minutes (no idea why Grandma's death is supposed to be funny). She's one of the lucky ones. Of the cast, the only one who shows any liveliness is Raini Rodriguez as Blart's far-more-clever daughter.

Obviously PAUL BLART: MALL COP 2 is a disaster, but I'm sure really (really) young kids may like it when it hits Netflix, even though it'll drive their parents crazy. As for James, I can't imagine he'll be standing on the Segway again any time soon unless a company like Netflix green-lights a micro-budget sequel. For his sake I hope that doesn't happen.

Source: JoBlo.com

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2:10AM on 04/18/2015
I can't believe this movie actually got greenlit, really? Also please stop using Suffice to say, it has no meaning other than to try to sound intelligent. but no one uses it more than you.
I can't believe this movie actually got greenlit, really? Also please stop using Suffice to say, it has no meaning other than to try to sound intelligent. but no one uses it more than you.
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3:10PM on 04/19/2015
why don't you write the reviews then....moron
why don't you write the reviews then....moron
3:31PM on 05/18/2015
Also please stop using...Seriously?

Please just stop...close your laptop and get some fresh air or just fuck off.
Also please stop using...Seriously?

Please just stop...close your laptop and get some fresh air or just fuck off.
+0
1:58AM on 04/18/2015
First movie sucked and so does this unnecessary rehash garbage sequel.
First movie sucked and so does this unnecessary rehash garbage sequel.
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5:03PM on 04/17/2015

It's funny because he's fat because it's funny because he's fat because it's funny because he's fat...

The fact that THIS is the big new release this weekend shows us now, more than ever, do we need the Avengers. Other than KINGSMAN and PADDINGTON, these past four months have been a minefield of mediocrity and utter bullshit. I will not be giving PAUL BLART: MART FART 2 my money, and neither should you.
The fact that THIS is the big new release this weekend shows us now, more than ever, do we need the Avengers. Other than KINGSMAN and PADDINGTON, these past four months have been a minefield of mediocrity and utter bullshit. I will not be giving PAUL BLART: MART FART 2 my money, and neither should you.
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11:02AM on 04/17/2015

Didn't Hate The First One

While derivative and playing it safe, the first "Paul Blart" made me laugh a few times- mostly thanks to Kevin James, who really does a good job in the role and gave his all, and his solid chemistry with Jayma Mays. Now, I only saw it once, in the theater I was working at, at the time; so very little lasting impression beyond, yeah, not terrible.

I am not surprised that is belated sequel sucks so much. Very well written, very good review.
While derivative and playing it safe, the first "Paul Blart" made me laugh a few times- mostly thanks to Kevin James, who really does a good job in the role and gave his all, and his solid chemistry with Jayma Mays. Now, I only saw it once, in the theater I was working at, at the time; so very little lasting impression beyond, yeah, not terrible.

I am not surprised that is belated sequel sucks so much. Very well written, very good review.
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+3
9:20AM on 04/17/2015
I'm amazed how many really great movies are sent direct to video, but crap like this actually gets a theatrical release.
I'm amazed how many really great movies are sent direct to video, but crap like this actually gets a theatrical release.
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3:11PM on 04/19/2015
its very very sad. The only success this year was "It Follows" which got a much larger release because of all the positive work of mouth...
its very very sad. The only success this year was "It Follows" which got a much larger release because of all the positive work of mouth...
7:34AM on 04/17/2015
Giving this a 2/10 is even generous
Giving this a 2/10 is even generous
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-1
3:45AM on 04/17/2015

Yeah.....

I really enjoyed Here Comes The Boom, and it succeeded on many levels, but I haven't seen James do anything else, I even remotely have enjoyed. The first Paul Blart was bad, but it was kind of sort of funny-bad. This sounds just horrible.
I really enjoyed Here Comes The Boom, and it succeeded on many levels, but I haven't seen James do anything else, I even remotely have enjoyed. The first Paul Blart was bad, but it was kind of sort of funny-bad. This sounds just horrible.
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3:37AM on 04/17/2015
I pretty much expected below 5 out of 10 so yeah 2 is pretty much it. This just isn't my cup of tea.
I pretty much expected below 5 out of 10 so yeah 2 is pretty much it. This just isn't my cup of tea.
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2:47AM on 04/17/2015
This is more of a part two of Paul Blart. The story in the first one is way too complicated to tell in the span of one feature film that it was necessary to make this a two parter. It will be interesting to see how they end this story and see if they set it up for sequels. You should definitely watch the first one too so the storyline in the second one makes sense. I feel like that's why you may not have liked it.
This is more of a part two of Paul Blart. The story in the first one is way too complicated to tell in the span of one feature film that it was necessary to make this a two parter. It will be interesting to see how they end this story and see if they set it up for sequels. You should definitely watch the first one too so the storyline in the second one makes sense. I feel like that's why you may not have liked it.
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+1
2:17AM on 04/17/2015

Comment from someone who liked the first one?

The first movie was actually very good in my opinion. But then again I liked it more as an action movie (Die Hard tribute/satire) than I did it as a "real comedy". It seems that this second one is taking the movie into that "unfunny comedy hell" category with the likes of Hot Tub Time Machine 2 and Adam Sandler's movies. But for clarification I would hope to hear how this compares to the first one from someone who actually SAW and liked the first movie. The first one was hated by many but it
The first movie was actually very good in my opinion. But then again I liked it more as an action movie (Die Hard tribute/satire) than I did it as a "real comedy". It seems that this second one is taking the movie into that "unfunny comedy hell" category with the likes of Hot Tub Time Machine 2 and Adam Sandler's movies. But for clarification I would hope to hear how this compares to the first one from someone who actually SAW and liked the first movie. The first one was hated by many but it has it's fans for sure.
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+0
1:38AM on 04/17/2015
Aw man, I was hoping for 1 out of 10!
Aw man, I was hoping for 1 out of 10!
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1:20AM on 04/17/2015

So you didn't see the first one...

Then you have no business reviewing the second one. There is quite a bit of context missing when reviewing any sequel without reviewing the first. I can't even imagine seeing a sequel sans first movie by myself let alone doing it for a website where the readers rely on a well informed reviewer.

Sure... most likely this movie is a dud, but a comment like "the intricacies of the sequel didn't escape me" rings untrue without context.

Joblo.com should have never assigned you this task.
Then you have no business reviewing the second one. There is quite a bit of context missing when reviewing any sequel without reviewing the first. I can't even imagine seeing a sequel sans first movie by myself let alone doing it for a website where the readers rely on a well informed reviewer.

Sure... most likely this movie is a dud, but a comment like "the intricacies of the sequel didn't escape me" rings untrue without context.

Joblo.com should have never assigned you this task.
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1:48AM on 04/17/2015
A. This isn't The Godfather part 2. Any context in this movie is probably accidental.
B. This is a Happy Madison production. This review and your comment put more thought into the writing than whoever wrote the script for this movie.
C. You're last line is TOTALLY correct, but for all the wrong reasons.

Chris Bumbray's reviews are well done in my opinion. I may not always agree, but I've always appreciated how he writes them.
A. This isn't The Godfather part 2. Any context in this movie is probably accidental.
B. This is a Happy Madison production. This review and your comment put more thought into the writing than whoever wrote the script for this movie.
C. You're last line is TOTALLY correct, but for all the wrong reasons.

Chris Bumbray's reviews are well done in my opinion. I may not always agree, but I've always appreciated how he writes them.
2:44AM on 04/17/2015
Dseal22 comment of the week.
Dseal22 comment of the week.
2:51AM on 04/17/2015
Never thought I would see a Paul Blart review taken so seriously. It's about time and I admire your passion for the Paul Blart franchise.
Never thought I would see a Paul Blart review taken so seriously. It's about time and I admire your passion for the Paul Blart franchise.
9:05AM on 04/17/2015
You are retarded.
You are retarded.
10:59AM on 04/17/2015
Dseal, any movie- sequel or not- should still be able to hold up on its own merits, and then reward those who have seen the previous installment(s). And since the love interest here, and the grandma, were both written out, there is very little that Mr. Brumbray needs to know that about the first one, for this to make sense. You are not only wrong, but so incredibly wrong it is headache inducing.
Dseal, any movie- sequel or not- should still be able to hold up on its own merits, and then reward those who have seen the previous installment(s). And since the love interest here, and the grandma, were both written out, there is very little that Mr. Brumbray needs to know that about the first one, for this to make sense. You are not only wrong, but so incredibly wrong it is headache inducing.
12:03PM on 04/17/2015
I'm not suggesting Brumbay is a hack, or his former reviews were poorly written. I'm suggesting he should have done one of two things...

1. Take 90 minutes and quickly watch the first one (so he at very least knows the back story)
or
2. Recuse himself from the assignment

Yes, Godfather 2 is a rare exception of brilliance if seen without the first movie prior, but I would challenge anyone to name a sequel where the first movie at least didn't help with character development. Would
I'm not suggesting Brumbay is a hack, or his former reviews were poorly written. I'm suggesting he should have done one of two things...

1. Take 90 minutes and quickly watch the first one (so he at very least knows the back story)
or
2. Recuse himself from the assignment

Yes, Godfather 2 is a rare exception of brilliance if seen without the first movie prior, but I would challenge anyone to name a sequel where the first movie at least didn't help with character development. Would Rocky 2 be good without the 1st...? Yes it would, but it's a hell of lot better when you HAVE seen the first.
3:13PM on 04/17/2015
Telecine Wobble and Filmguy 450, under normal circumstances I would totally agree with both of you. My Godfather 2 reference was supposed to be an example of a sequel that would lose most of its impact by NOT watching the first one (meaning watch the first one or don't bother with the sequel). However, I'm of the opinion that this movie is just more Happy Madison garbage with no thought put into the plot (or at least enough to where one won't be lost by not watching the first one) and terrible
Telecine Wobble and Filmguy 450, under normal circumstances I would totally agree with both of you. My Godfather 2 reference was supposed to be an example of a sequel that would lose most of its impact by NOT watching the first one (meaning watch the first one or don't bother with the sequel). However, I'm of the opinion that this movie is just more Happy Madison garbage with no thought put into the plot (or at least enough to where one won't be lost by not watching the first one) and terrible dialogue. I'm not saying anything about the first one and if you two like the things these people put out, go enjoy! I don't and I don't think Bumbray needs to be taken to task about this movie or how he went about writing it. That's all. I will again agree that he should've turned down the assignment, but for different reasons. Now go take some aspirin, film guy.
1:18AM on 04/17/2015
Dredd didn't get a sequel. Just sayin.
Dredd didn't get a sequel. Just sayin.
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2:17AM on 04/18/2015
Because it sucked, not that this desrved one either, hollywood logic
Because it sucked, not that this desrved one either, hollywood logic
1:10AM on 04/17/2015

Chris!!

you gotta stop taking useless grenades in the trenches for us. none of us with any common sense would even go see this lol.
you gotta stop taking useless grenades in the trenches for us. none of us with any common sense would even go see this lol.
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1:41AM on 04/17/2015
The_ConMan is right, Chris! This is a punishment you don't deserve!!!
The_ConMan is right, Chris! This is a punishment you don't deserve!!!
2:46AM on 04/17/2015
Next do a review for what it feels like to hammer a railroad spike in your own head.
Next do a review for what it feels like to hammer a railroad spike in your own head.
2:19AM on 04/18/2015
Someone had to take one for the team, he must have drawn the short straw.
Someone had to take one for the team, he must have drawn the short straw.
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