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Review: Transformers: Age of Extinction

Transformers: Age of Extinction
Jun. 26, 2014by:
3 10

PLOT: Years after Chicago was obliterated in a war between Autobots and Decepticons, Transformers are on the verge of extinction. When a poor inventor finds the Autobot leader, Optimus Prime, and salvages him, the war begins anew as a bigger, better army of man-made Decepticons converge on their prized target.

REVIEW: TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION is less a movie than it is an endurance test. A 166-minute pummeling of your senses, reason, and, finally, your will to live, which feels every bit as long as that running time indicates. And it's stunning to contemplate the fact that a movie this long can still be so painfully bereft of intelligence or genuine wit. You'd assume, at some point, the makers of this bulk would stumble upon a good idea or heartfelt moment during their two and a half hour slog, but they couldn't find human emotion if you paid them $250 million to do it. Even the most ardent fans of the franchise will have trouble defending the amount of sheer idiocy on display.

And here's the thing: it's still the best TRANSFORMERS movie to date.

Naturally, that says more about the series than it does about this installment. I have not liked any of the previous movies, but AGE OF EXTINCTION has thankfully jettisoned one key ingredient that made the others particularly irritating: Shia LaBeouf's Sam Witwicky, a character I always found thoroughly insufferable and unlikable. (Gone too are his parents, equally unappealing.) I can't be alone in thinking Sam, with his faux-boyish charm and supermodel-hot girlfriends, was an obnoxious character, and when the human element offers no retreat or comfort from the clanking, smashing robot mayhem, you're in deep trouble.

AGE OF EXTINCTION instead has Mark Wahlberg, god bless his goofy heart, who is a much more welcome presence than LaBeouf. Wahlberg here has retreated to the imbecilic "gee gosh!" mode that we saw in THE HAPPENING for some reason, and if there's anything about Wahlberg we know it's he's more adept at playing meaty bad boys than nerdy types; when he's doing the latter it sounds as if he's channeling Andy Samberg's impersonation of him. ("C'mon Optimus, I just wanna talk to you!") Though his line-readings are often unintentionally hilarious, Wahlberg is a likable guy who actually appears to want to be in the movie, and that helps immeasurably.

Walhberg plays a Texan named Cade Yeager, who lives on a farm with his hot daughter (Nicola Peltz). (Mom died, and she's rarely ever mentioned.) Cade "invents" tiny little robot things like the dad in GREMLINS in an effort to dig his way out of his financial hole, but his creations are little more than cute toys with no actual use. One day he finds a broken down truck in a movie theater (how this truck entered this movie theater is never explained nor contemplated) and plans on stripping it for parts, but wouldn't you know it, this is no ordinary truck: it's Optimus Prime, who is in hiding after the events of the last film made Transformers rather unpopular around here

Optimus' concerns are legit: there is a secret Black Ops crew hunting Autobots and Decepticons alike with ruthless efficiency. The team is lead by an angry Donald Rumsfeld-type (Kelsey Grammer) who is actually receiving help from a Transformer bounty-hunter named Lockdown; the latter is on the lookout for Optimus and means to bring him back to their planet. Meanwhile, a billionaire scientist (Stanley Tucci) has discovered the genome that makes Transformers what they are and plans on using it to create, well, everything, including a Transformer army.

Here's how much sense the movie makes: There's a giant agenda against all Transformers, yet part of Tucci's master plan is to build his own Transformers. If the world is so anti-Transformer, would you really create more Transformers for profit? The plan is especially brainless when it turns out their prototype Transformer, named Galvetron, has essentially been given the brain of Megatron, the villain who just won't go away. When Megatron gets his act together and begins bossing around the other prototype Transformers, this will seem like an even stupider idea.

But this movie never runs out of stupid ideas, nor does it lack the dopey commitment to engaging us in its human story. Wahlberg and daughter are forced to go on the run with her Irish (?!) boyfriend, a race car driver (Jack Reynor), and father and boyfriend essentially act out the entire Bruce Willis-Ben Affleck storyline from ARMAGEDDON: first pops detests the young buck, but gradually learns to love him as he sees the kid's affection for his girl. This is all very boring, of course, and never once rings true, but I'll definitely take it over snarky Sam Witwicky squaring off against Patrick goddamn Dempsey. Screenwriter Ehren Kruger is still the absolute worst at plotting, not to mention writing dialogue that sounds like actual human beings would speak it aloud.

The movie is long, have I mentioned this? Even when things are blowing up all over the place, the pace just lags. Michael Bay predictably films everything as frenetically and maniacally as he can, but he still hasn't learned much about the nuances of a film's structure. (To his credit, Bay has seemingly received the message that he should hold on shots longer, hence the average shot-length is about 4 seconds as opposed to 3.) There are many glorious locations to visit and crush to bits - poor Chicago gets reamed once again, and various cities in China are blown to bits in the laborious third act, where once again Autobots and Decepticons have a knock-down war on the streets of a metropolis as people run away screaming. Here's an issue I always have: after the fight has gone on for 30-something minutes, how are there still screaming people running away? Did they not all run away immediately? Why are the trains still running, cars still driving around without a care in the world? Why are there people shopping and hanging out a few blocks away? Did they not hear the recognizable sounds of Transformers beating the crap out of each other down the street?!

I know, I know: don't apply logic to a movie called TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION. But your brain turns to questions like these when the movie appears to be skipping like a record to the same sequence over and over again. I have never bought the "what do you expect from a movie about giant fighting robots?" argument, and I still don't. Any subject, even one as silly as this, can be made interesting and fun, without sacrificing spectacle or mayhem. But there's no turning back now for Bay and company; they have their tropes - lunkheaded humor, vaguely racist caricatures, fetishized women, cars flipping a hundred times through the air - and they're sticking to them. If you were pleasantly surprised by the self-aware humor and entertaining weirdness of Bay's last picture, PAIN AND GAIN, you'll be saddened to learn he's reverted once again to the same old soulless, boorish orchestrator of chaos with this product. (Speaking of products, Bay is still a skilled commercial director: there's a product placement in practically every frame of this thing.)

Oh yeah, almost forgot: I hope you're not too stoked about the Dinobots. By the time they appear (maybe the two hour mark, maybe even further into the film), they've really become afterthoughts, and are barely utilized in an interesting way. The sight of a robotic triceratops galloping around China sadly did nothing to alleviate the cold, numb feeling that had overtaken my brain. That no joy can be found in such a thing doesn't say anything about my ability to have fun, though: It says something about TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION's ability to deliver it.

Source: JoBlo.com

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3:25PM on 06/28/2014

Are you SERIOUS?

I have been a JoBlo fan for a long time. This was BY FAR the best Transformers Movie yet....(the second one kinda sucked hard). This had action, a good story, and great acting. If you seriously gave this movie a "3"..then I will not ever look to JoBlo for reviews again. I already disagree with Rotten Tomatoes 90% of the time, so JoBlo was the place I would turn for the "average viewer's" perspective. Sorry...but I took my 13 year old son to this movie, and was wanting to see it myself.
I have been a JoBlo fan for a long time. This was BY FAR the best Transformers Movie yet....(the second one kinda sucked hard). This had action, a good story, and great acting. If you seriously gave this movie a "3"..then I will not ever look to JoBlo for reviews again. I already disagree with Rotten Tomatoes 90% of the time, so JoBlo was the place I would turn for the "average viewer's" perspective. Sorry...but I took my 13 year old son to this movie, and was wanting to see it myself. BEST ONE YET....the time flew by. I disagree with pretty much everything you have said about it.

But....I am a nobody....so don't listen to me. See it yourself and make up your own mind people. It was a great escape from reality for the time I was watching. $11 matinee in 3D? ALL DAY ERRRRY DAY.
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3:30AM on 06/28/2014

Why..

Continue to review these movies if you obviously despise them all? lol I feel like it's one of those take it or leave it films, its just not for everyone.
Continue to review these movies if you obviously despise them all? lol I feel like it's one of those take it or leave it films, its just not for everyone.
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10:22PM on 06/27/2014
Forgive me if I take this review with a grain of salt because it sounds like you decided to hate the movie before the trailers even started.
Forgive me if I take this review with a grain of salt because it sounds like you decided to hate the movie before the trailers even started.
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3:05PM on 06/27/2014

3 out of 10...really

Should be more like a 1 out of 10
Should be more like a 1 out of 10
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+3
12:16PM on 06/27/2014
Just saw it last night and no way it deserved a 3/10. Sounds like you made up your mind before you watched it. These kind of movies are an escape from reality, they're not meant to be over analyzed. Just enjoy the show for crying out loud.
Just saw it last night and no way it deserved a 3/10. Sounds like you made up your mind before you watched it. These kind of movies are an escape from reality, they're not meant to be over analyzed. Just enjoy the show for crying out loud.
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1:38PM on 06/27/2014
I agree. The fact Eric said the movie wasn't even funny....I mean. What did he watch?
I agree. The fact Eric said the movie wasn't even funny....I mean. What did he watch?
1:03AM on 06/27/2014

Damn why all the hate ???

Like seriously all the transformers movies are good for what they are, mindless fun, I just like to sit back and watch stuff go boom. I don't need in depth characters this isn't a fuckin drama. And this is off topic but why in the fuck is everybody crazy over HER. that movie was the most boring pretentious piece of shit film by Spike jonze ever it was just annoying. I get what it was trying to do and show but it was really no need for that movie to ever be made.
Like seriously all the transformers movies are good for what they are, mindless fun, I just like to sit back and watch stuff go boom. I don't need in depth characters this isn't a fuckin drama. And this is off topic but why in the fuck is everybody crazy over HER. that movie was the most boring pretentious piece of shit film by Spike jonze ever it was just annoying. I get what it was trying to do and show but it was really no need for that movie to ever be made.
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12:11PM on 06/27/2014
I think one of the biggest problems is that if they already hate the series, there is no chance they will try to like this one. I keep reading how people thought the writing and dialogue was bad but it's like they are expecting Shakespeare in a sci-fi action flick.
Now, I am not saying they are wrong for hating the movie just as we are not wrong for enjoying it. I think this particular review is beyond biased and I disagree with a lot of the review. That's just how it goes though.
My sold out
I think one of the biggest problems is that if they already hate the series, there is no chance they will try to like this one. I keep reading how people thought the writing and dialogue was bad but it's like they are expecting Shakespeare in a sci-fi action flick.
Now, I am not saying they are wrong for hating the movie just as we are not wrong for enjoying it. I think this particular review is beyond biased and I disagree with a lot of the review. That's just how it goes though.
My sold out auditorium got an applause so Bay must have done something right.
You can't please everyone.

12:52AM on 06/27/2014
So people hate on this franchise for the characters acting like idiots, mind you in a Transformers movie, how come god damn Prometheus didn't get this much hate?! Cause Ridley Scott directed it?
So people hate on this franchise for the characters acting like idiots, mind you in a Transformers movie, how come god damn Prometheus didn't get this much hate?! Cause Ridley Scott directed it?
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1:31AM on 06/27/2014
I remember that being a big point of contention of Prometheus being good or not the summer that came out.
I remember that being a big point of contention of Prometheus being good or not the summer that came out.
-1
12:49AM on 06/27/2014

Great Movie!

Ok. I read the review, and still made up my mind to go see this movie with an open mind. It was great! A bit long, but great. Tons of great jokes, action, and cool gadgetry. I thought Lockdown was bad-ass. My advice: stop hating on movies, and actually watch them. Maybe something unexpected will happen: you might actually have a good time.
Ok. I read the review, and still made up my mind to go see this movie with an open mind. It was great! A bit long, but great. Tons of great jokes, action, and cool gadgetry. I thought Lockdown was bad-ass. My advice: stop hating on movies, and actually watch them. Maybe something unexpected will happen: you might actually have a good time.
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12:19AM on 06/27/2014
Eh, i'm still gonna check it out. Mindless entertainment on a friday night sounds good to me.
Eh, i'm still gonna check it out. Mindless entertainment on a friday night sounds good to me.
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+4
12:18AM on 06/27/2014
I remember when Pearl Harbor was Bay's worst film...those were the days :P
I remember when Pearl Harbor was Bay's worst film...those were the days :P
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5:36PM on 06/26/2014
I hate all of the 'Transformers' movies (excluding this newest one, have yet to see it) as well, but Shia as Sam was never a problem I had. However much of a twat he may (or may not be) in real life, he does have a certain charisma and the fact that it can be said that is chemistry with a CGI alien robot is good is a testament to his acting. The character is written as an idiot, but all the humans in all the films are stupid beyond belief.
I hate all of the 'Transformers' movies (excluding this newest one, have yet to see it) as well, but Shia as Sam was never a problem I had. However much of a twat he may (or may not be) in real life, he does have a certain charisma and the fact that it can be said that is chemistry with a CGI alien robot is good is a testament to his acting. The character is written as an idiot, but all the humans in all the films are stupid beyond belief.
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12:18PM on 06/27/2014
That's one of the bigger things with me for Shia. When he acted with the bots, it felt real, moreso than anyone else that interacted with the bots.
Shia did subtle things that made it work, in my opinion. Also I liked his character. I didn't think he was an issue.
That's one of the bigger things with me for Shia. When he acted with the bots, it felt real, moreso than anyone else that interacted with the bots.
Shia did subtle things that made it work, in my opinion. Also I liked his character. I didn't think he was an issue.
12:18PM on 06/27/2014
That's one of the bigger things with me for Shia. When he acted with the bots, it felt real, moreso than anyone else that interacted with the bots.
Shia did subtle things that made it work, in my opinion. Also I liked his character. I didn't think he was an issue.
That's one of the bigger things with me for Shia. When he acted with the bots, it felt real, moreso than anyone else that interacted with the bots.
Shia did subtle things that made it work, in my opinion. Also I liked his character. I didn't think he was an issue.
5:35PM on 06/26/2014
The Transformers are the equivalent of al qaeda.They just eff up every city they go too.Bay,just because you put glasses on Wahlberg and have a Einstein poster on the wall doesn`t make him a scientist.
The Transformers are the equivalent of al qaeda.They just eff up every city they go too.Bay,just because you put glasses on Wahlberg and have a Einstein poster on the wall doesn`t make him a scientist.
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4:23PM on 06/26/2014
It will still make a billion dollars!
It will still make a billion dollars!
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9:37PM on 06/26/2014
We get it, you like it. It will make money, doesn't mean it's any good. Twilight made money! Come on son.
We get it, you like it. It will make money, doesn't mean it's any good. Twilight made money! Come on son.
12:48AM on 06/27/2014
Ok we get it, you hate the movies. Come on son. Watch something else then.
Ok we get it, you hate the movies. Come on son. Watch something else then.
4:09PM on 06/26/2014

Sorry

I'm sorry - on behalf of all my fellow autobot brothers we are truly sorry for this sack of shit film. We are now launching a campaign to have Brett Ratner direct Transformers 5
I'm sorry - on behalf of all my fellow autobot brothers we are truly sorry for this sack of shit film. We are now launching a campaign to have Brett Ratner direct Transformers 5
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9:37PM on 06/26/2014
Please just leave and never come back.
Please just leave and never come back.
+0
4:00PM on 06/26/2014

Ouch

If this is the reviewers opinion he is entitled to it, this is the 4th installment and Bay still hasn't learned anything, I'd be pissed off too. This is currently sitting at 19% on Rotten Tomatoes which backs this review up. I think I'll be waiting for this to hit On Demand. I can wait a week.
If this is the reviewers opinion he is entitled to it, this is the 4th installment and Bay still hasn't learned anything, I'd be pissed off too. This is currently sitting at 19% on Rotten Tomatoes which backs this review up. I think I'll be waiting for this to hit On Demand. I can wait a week.
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8:15PM on 06/26/2014
This will stay in the theatres for months. As much as it may get poorly reviewed, it is going to take in a shit ton of $... whether we collectively like it or not. Sad huh?
This will stay in the theatres for months. As much as it may get poorly reviewed, it is going to take in a shit ton of $... whether we collectively like it or not. Sad huh?
3:46PM on 06/26/2014

Is this review a joke?

What a shit review, I can't believe I found this on JoBlo. The review begins with "this is a big pile of shit but it's still the best Transformers to date!" Did no ONE else at JoBlo have the time to review this, they sent the guy who clearly has a vendetta against the franchise and director. I'm not sure if the reviewer thought he was being clever with bashing this film, but he came off as a smug ass more than anything.

If you don't like the movie, tell us why like a real human adult. Don't
What a shit review, I can't believe I found this on JoBlo. The review begins with "this is a big pile of shit but it's still the best Transformers to date!" Did no ONE else at JoBlo have the time to review this, they sent the guy who clearly has a vendetta against the franchise and director. I'm not sure if the reviewer thought he was being clever with bashing this film, but he came off as a smug ass more than anything.

If you don't like the movie, tell us why like a real human adult. Don't spend 10 paragraphs trying to come up with new ways to convey how bored you were seeing a movie for free.

Does JoBlo plan on posting a real review of this film? You know, from someone that can at least PRETEND to give a shit about it?
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3:55PM on 06/26/2014
What's the movie being free have to do with it? I thought he articulated fine what he liked and didn't like about the film. He went into this one expecting the best and that's what it was to him. Sadly it's best just wasn't good enough to win him over.
What's the movie being free have to do with it? I thought he articulated fine what he liked and didn't like about the film. He went into this one expecting the best and that's what it was to him. Sadly it's best just wasn't good enough to win him over.
3:57PM on 06/26/2014
This is what every movie critic does with this series, it's like they compete for the best Transformers snarky remark award. Where's Bumbry or Jimmy O's review?
This is what every movie critic does with this series, it's like they compete for the best Transformers snarky remark award. Where's Bumbry or Jimmy O's review?
4:01PM on 06/26/2014
According Rotten Tomoatos it's even shittier than what Eric is saying in his review.
According Rotten Tomoatos it's even shittier than what Eric is saying in his review.
4:03PM on 06/26/2014
Guy is entitled to his opinion, I think the site would lose its appeal if they asked Michael Bay to write reviews for the Transformers movies.
Guy is entitled to his opinion, I think the site would lose its appeal if they asked Michael Bay to write reviews for the Transformers movies.
4:33PM on 06/26/2014
I think he conveyed what he didn't like about it from start to finish. Too long, shitty characters, idiotic storyline, etc. Not sure what else you expected. The film is sitting at 16% rotten on RT, so it seems that the vast majority feel the same. We will have a video review up tomorrow, but I can assure you it's about the same. And, we certainly don't expect our reviewers to "pretend to give a shit" about a film. We want an honest assessment and this fits that bill.
I think he conveyed what he didn't like about it from start to finish. Too long, shitty characters, idiotic storyline, etc. Not sure what else you expected. The film is sitting at 16% rotten on RT, so it seems that the vast majority feel the same. We will have a video review up tomorrow, but I can assure you it's about the same. And, we certainly don't expect our reviewers to "pretend to give a shit" about a film. We want an honest assessment and this fits that bill.
5:25PM on 06/26/2014
I haven't seen the film yet, so I am not saying that I agree with the author in anyway, but his complaints are made clear, as are his reasons they exist. He does state the good bits in a similarly clear way. All that without giving any real spoilers! Isn't that exactly what a review should be?
I haven't seen the film yet, so I am not saying that I agree with the author in anyway, but his complaints are made clear, as are his reasons they exist. He does state the good bits in a similarly clear way. All that without giving any real spoilers! Isn't that exactly what a review should be?
6:24PM on 06/26/2014
So when you give a movie a 3/10 and say it's the best one of the series when this site has given two of the other movies a 7 & 8, it's hard not to accuse the "author" of being hateful of the director and series.
So when you give a movie a 3/10 and say it's the best one of the series when this site has given two of the other movies a 7 & 8, it's hard not to accuse the "author" of being hateful of the director and series.
8:28PM on 06/26/2014
LMFAO.Who cares at the end of the day about a negative review .His job is to review movies and this one he didn`t like .OMG ,the fecking world is ending.I think this is more of a personal attack on Mr.Walkuski for some reason and not about his review.
LMFAO.Who cares at the end of the day about a negative review .His job is to review movies and this one he didn`t like .OMG ,the fecking world is ending.I think this is more of a personal attack on Mr.Walkuski for some reason and not about his review.
9:25PM on 06/26/2014
Don't get your panties in a bunch just because he disliked it. Look at Peter Travers review in Rolling Stone, he gave it 0 stars. Sorry to break it to you, but more than likely, this movie is just plain awful. Deal with it, or write your own review that no one will read.
Don't get your panties in a bunch just because he disliked it. Look at Peter Travers review in Rolling Stone, he gave it 0 stars. Sorry to break it to you, but more than likely, this movie is just plain awful. Deal with it, or write your own review that no one will read.
12:20PM on 06/27/2014
I agree. Sounded like his mind was made up before he even saw it.
I agree. Sounded like his mind was made up before he even saw it.
1:09PM on 06/27/2014
I read the review before seeing the movie and I agree that this review is poorly done. I'm fine with the reviewer hating this movie but certain things like mentioning His disdain for sam and his parents have no place in this review.
"One day he finds a broken down truck in a movie theater (how this truck entered this movie theater is never explained nor contemplated)"
Optimus walked in before he went into stasis lock. How is that hard to figure out? Is it far fetched for an alien robot to find
I read the review before seeing the movie and I agree that this review is poorly done. I'm fine with the reviewer hating this movie but certain things like mentioning His disdain for sam and his parents have no place in this review.
"One day he finds a broken down truck in a movie theater (how this truck entered this movie theater is never explained nor contemplated)"
Optimus walked in before he went into stasis lock. How is that hard to figure out? Is it far fetched for an alien robot to find a hiding spot before shutting down? If the answer is "yes", then why are you watching this movie?!

"Here's how much sense the movie makes: There's a giant agenda against all Transformers, yet part of Tucci's master plan is to build his own"
Transforming robots the military can control is hardly a far fetched idea.It's perfectly logical to destroy the sentient aliens and rebuild ones you can control and have power over foreign enemies. Is see no issue with this. How many movies take over good intention machinery/weapons to use for evil purposes?! This isn't anything new. You can use that as unoriginal, but a plot that doesn't make sense when it does is nitpicking.
Also the whole megatron/galvatron thing makes sense since they TELL you that Megatron took advantage of tucci's work so he can regain control. Again, not far fetched an idea.
Also, the whole Armageddon bruce/affleck comparison can again apply to a billion other movies. If I just met a guy secretly dating my daughter, I wouldn't exactly just trust him either amd be best pals. He had to prove himself to Cade which again, makes sense.
I have no issues with the reviewer hating this film, but find real reasons instead of focusing on comparing Bays other movies or just your overall hate for the franchise.
You don't like it, fine. Just don't pretend this is the only movie that has ever done some of the points you are upset about. They are just doing it with robots. That's the difference.

3:25PM on 06/26/2014

Hopefull no stupid parents, dog sex, offensive stereotypes, or robot testicles.

I like the Transformers cartoons; my son and I used to watch them when he was a boy.
I hate the movies because they are stupid, have dogs engaging in sexual intercourse, stupid parents, offensive racial stereotypes, and robots with giant swinging testicles. I mean, seriously, who likes this garbage? I have the slightest hope (almost 0) that this may be a true, old school, type Transformer movie that leaves out the negatives mentioned above and tries to put a bit of seriousness back into the
I like the Transformers cartoons; my son and I used to watch them when he was a boy.
I hate the movies because they are stupid, have dogs engaging in sexual intercourse, stupid parents, offensive racial stereotypes, and robots with giant swinging testicles. I mean, seriously, who likes this garbage? I have the slightest hope (almost 0) that this may be a true, old school, type Transformer movie that leaves out the negatives mentioned above and tries to put a bit of seriousness back into the movie. If it does, I will give it a shot.
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3:25PM on 06/26/2014
What a shocker, Eric gave it a bad review. Do based on the Rule of Eric, add 3 to whatever he says, do it's a 6/10.
What a shocker, Eric gave it a bad review. Do based on the Rule of Eric, add 3 to whatever he says, do it's a 6/10.
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3:27PM on 06/26/2014
Sorry autocorrected "so" to "do"
Sorry autocorrected "so" to "do"
9:26PM on 06/26/2014
This movie is awful. Just accept it, and move on bruh.
This movie is awful. Just accept it, and move on bruh.
3:23PM on 06/26/2014
The first three were terrible, almost every movie Michael Bay directs is terrible, and this looks terrible. That said, I'll never find out for sure, because there is no way I'm going to endure that running time. What happened to lean, quickly paced action movies?
The first three were terrible, almost every movie Michael Bay directs is terrible, and this looks terrible. That said, I'll never find out for sure, because there is no way I'm going to endure that running time. What happened to lean, quickly paced action movies?
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2:57PM on 06/26/2014
This reviewer clearly went into this movie already hating it, which is very sad. This isn't even really a movie review. It's an "I Hate Everything Michael Bay Does" rant. I love all the Transformers movies and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna love this one too.
This reviewer clearly went into this movie already hating it, which is very sad. This isn't even really a movie review. It's an "I Hate Everything Michael Bay Does" rant. I love all the Transformers movies and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna love this one too.
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3:33PM on 06/26/2014
And some people like the smell of their own farts.
And some people like the smell of their own farts.
9:27PM on 06/26/2014
Boo hoo. Go enjoy your awful movies and this one too. Just accept that they suck.
Boo hoo. Go enjoy your awful movies and this one too. Just accept that they suck.
1:58AM on 06/27/2014
He clearly liked Pain & Gain, mentioned it in the review
He clearly liked Pain & Gain, mentioned it in the review
11:41AM on 06/27/2014
I want to apologize to your brain for all the torture you inflict upon it
I want to apologize to your brain for all the torture you inflict upon it
2:37PM on 06/26/2014
After seeing the very first movie, which I thought was merely good, and then seeing its sequel which I thought was terrible, I never bothered with the other iterations in this franchise. To think of the millions wasted on the creation AND THEN the marketing of these films, that could have gone on to fund smaller and much better movies! But I guess as long as there's an audience that will accept this crap, they'll keep getting made. P.S. - The original TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE was eons beyond any
After seeing the very first movie, which I thought was merely good, and then seeing its sequel which I thought was terrible, I never bothered with the other iterations in this franchise. To think of the millions wasted on the creation AND THEN the marketing of these films, that could have gone on to fund smaller and much better movies! But I guess as long as there's an audience that will accept this crap, they'll keep getting made. P.S. - The original TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE was eons beyond any of these films....
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2:15PM on 06/26/2014
All of these Transformers movies have been terrible. The fact that the first one is now considered a classic by many people is just painful and scary.
All of these Transformers movies have been terrible. The fact that the first one is now considered a classic by many people is just painful and scary.
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8:53PM on 06/26/2014
This site gave it a great review back in the day.
This site gave it a great review back in the day.
+1
2:04PM on 06/26/2014
I just read the plot/story on wikipedia - since i have no intention of spending money on seeing it. It didn't explain how the dinobots were summoned. Were they here on earth all along or what? That's really the only thing I was curious about. anyone who's sat through this movie willing to share that part?
I just read the plot/story on wikipedia - since i have no intention of spending money on seeing it. It didn't explain how the dinobots were summoned. Were they here on earth all along or what? That's really the only thing I was curious about. anyone who's sat through this movie willing to share that part?
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1:18PM on 06/26/2014

.

im not saying this films amazing (as I haven't seen it yet) but as soon as I read that the reviewer was so anti- transformer movies, I didn't see the point in carrying on reading, but as someone who enjoyed the original 3 (even the 2nd mildly), as the reviewer says its better than the original 3, then that must mean i'll love it as well
im not saying this films amazing (as I haven't seen it yet) but as soon as I read that the reviewer was so anti- transformer movies, I didn't see the point in carrying on reading, but as someone who enjoyed the original 3 (even the 2nd mildly), as the reviewer says its better than the original 3, then that must mean i'll love it as well
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2:09PM on 06/26/2014
but as a reviewer he still went into the theater with an open mind and mentioned the things that work and the things that, for some reason, keep getting carried over into these films that dont make any sense.

with that said, i may still go see this (if i can convince a sucker to pay my way), but i havent been a fan of the films since the first.
but as a reviewer he still went into the theater with an open mind and mentioned the things that work and the things that, for some reason, keep getting carried over into these films that dont make any sense.

with that said, i may still go see this (if i can convince a sucker to pay my way), but i havent been a fan of the films since the first.
3:52PM on 06/26/2014
but I find it difficult to tell whether he went in with an open mind, I guess its one of those films that's like marmite, so if you enjoyed the first lot you'd enjoy this
but I find it difficult to tell whether he went in with an open mind, I guess its one of those films that's like marmite, so if you enjoyed the first lot you'd enjoy this
12:59PM on 06/26/2014
The review was exactly what I was expecting. The movie looks like crap.
The review was exactly what I was expecting. The movie looks like crap.
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12:54PM on 06/26/2014
I'm not contesting whether this movie is good or bad before having seen it, but I loved nr.1 and 3, so if the reviewer (who admits to being a huge anti-Transformite) calls this the best one yet...
I'm not contesting whether this movie is good or bad before having seen it, but I loved nr.1 and 3, so if the reviewer (who admits to being a huge anti-Transformite) calls this the best one yet...
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3:25PM on 06/26/2014
Yeah but then he states that its only cause this one doesn't have Sam in it, lol
Yeah but then he states that its only cause this one doesn't have Sam in it, lol
12:47PM on 06/26/2014

MIchael Bay..

..MIchael Bay is the worst fucking director in the history of movies...even worse than Uwe Balls.
..MIchael Bay is the worst fucking director in the history of movies...even worse than Uwe Balls.
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12:24PM on 06/26/2014
166 minutes?! Are you fucking kidding me, Bay?

The balls on this guy.
166 minutes?! Are you fucking kidding me, Bay?

The balls on this guy.
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12:47PM on 06/26/2014
I think we saw them on display in the second movie. *COUGH* Devastator *COUGH*
I think we saw them on display in the second movie. *COUGH* Devastator *COUGH*
12:55PM on 06/26/2014
Pure win. Props to you, sir. :)

TF2 still gives me nightmares. Had to take a shower with my clothes on after watching that piece of shit.

Boycotted his flicks after that because, yes, I'm one of those stubborn assholes who doesn't forgive and forget.
Pure win. Props to you, sir. :)

TF2 still gives me nightmares. Had to take a shower with my clothes on after watching that piece of shit.

Boycotted his flicks after that because, yes, I'm one of those stubborn assholes who doesn't forgive and forget.
+2
12:21PM on 06/26/2014

I agree with Eric's review 100%

The movie started so much better, with the whole "Remember Chicago" thing, but by the time it ended, it felt like the last two movies again. I'm not blaming Michael Bay, he did his job. I'm blaming the script - generic with dialogues sooo painful I wonder Kruger wrote this intentionally bad.
The movie started so much better, with the whole "Remember Chicago" thing, but by the time it ended, it felt like the last two movies again. I'm not blaming Michael Bay, he did his job. I'm blaming the script - generic with dialogues sooo painful I wonder Kruger wrote this intentionally bad.
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12:19PM on 06/26/2014
I loved the first one - so, if this is the best of all the installments then I am in for a treat! After how horrible the second one was and the third just being alright... I still won't pay to go to the theater for these though.
I loved the first one - so, if this is the best of all the installments then I am in for a treat! After how horrible the second one was and the third just being alright... I still won't pay to go to the theater for these though.
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12:15PM on 06/26/2014
166 minutes?! Are you fucking kidding me, Bay?

The balls on this guy.
166 minutes?! Are you fucking kidding me, Bay?

The balls on this guy.
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12:15PM on 06/26/2014
I'll still see this as will probably the greater majority of everyone here. I enjoy films that are extravagant; small; smart; stupid and everything in between as do many other people. It's just as simple as a love of film.
I'll still see this as will probably the greater majority of everyone here. I enjoy films that are extravagant; small; smart; stupid and everything in between as do many other people. It's just as simple as a love of film.
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1:00PM on 06/26/2014
Have fun!
Have fun!
2:33PM on 06/26/2014
I will, and you as well.
I will, and you as well.
2:53PM on 06/26/2014
Hate to disappoint you Cap but I won't be shelling out a dime. Nice try, though. ;)
Hate to disappoint you Cap but I won't be shelling out a dime. Nice try, though. ;)
12:10PM on 06/26/2014

classic

Film of the summer!
Film of the summer!
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12:09PM on 06/26/2014
I gave it a 5 out of 10; don't think it's quite a 3 out of 10. It's slightly better than the second and third films, mostly because of the change in lead actor. The elements in the second and third films that led to them being critically panned are still here, just in slightly more controlled doses. Theres still juvenile humour, theres still racism and sexism, theres still obnoxious product placement, the action scenes are still overwhelming flurries of whirling, clanging metal, its just
I gave it a 5 out of 10; don't think it's quite a 3 out of 10. It's slightly better than the second and third films, mostly because of the change in lead actor. The elements in the second and third films that led to them being critically panned are still here, just in slightly more controlled doses. Theres still juvenile humour, theres still racism and sexism, theres still obnoxious product placement, the action scenes are still overwhelming flurries of whirling, clanging metal, its just reined in a bit and therefore slightly more tolerable than before. Kelsey Grammer was awesome though and an infinitely better human villain than Patrick Dempsey in the last one. I actually didn't mind the plot point of humans attempting to duplicate Transformers without understanding the ramifications and the danger of the technology, even if it is Terminator-esque.
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11:58AM on 06/26/2014
I grew up a massive Transformers fan. I did leave it behind as I became an adult but it always had my interest. When I went to the theater for the first film, I spent the first half of it with a smile I couldn't wipe away, the proverbial shit eating grin. After the action got out of hand I lost that grin.

I went to the theater again for the next film figuring live action devastator would be a dream come true and maybe they would iron out the first film's problems. I need not explain how
I grew up a massive Transformers fan. I did leave it behind as I became an adult but it always had my interest. When I went to the theater for the first film, I spent the first half of it with a smile I couldn't wipe away, the proverbial shit eating grin. After the action got out of hand I lost that grin.

I went to the theater again for the next film figuring live action devastator would be a dream come true and maybe they would iron out the first film's problems. I need not explain how wrong I was there. All the stupid aside, once the action went full retard and didn't stop, I kind of just shut down. By the time it was over my mind was shattered. There were so many explosion, so much mayhem and so many effects, it actually made me tired.

Needless to say I didn't go back for the third film and while I did rent it and thought it was better than the first two, I realized that I was done with it till it found a new director. The formula may make money, but it makes for a poor film, even for mindless popcorn eating.
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12:02PM on 06/26/2014
Are you gonna see TMNT?
Are you gonna see TMNT?
1:07PM on 06/26/2014
After seeing what he did with TF, no, I don't have any faith in him to deliver a good film anymore.
After seeing what he did with TF, no, I don't have any faith in him to deliver a good film anymore.
+0
11:58AM on 06/26/2014
You freely admit that you hated the first 3 installments. Which makes your review invalid.
You freely admit that you hated the first 3 installments. Which makes your review invalid.
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2:03PM on 06/26/2014
the fact that he sat through the previous 3 makes his review valid. anyone willing to shit on a series or film without actually watching one or all of them then writing a review would have an invalid review
the fact that he sat through the previous 3 makes his review valid. anyone willing to shit on a series or film without actually watching one or all of them then writing a review would have an invalid review
3:38PM on 06/26/2014
Loving the first three would make his opinion more valid??? Sorry, dude. I would never trust that person's opinion. Besides, he said this one's the best of the lot.
Loving the first three would make his opinion more valid??? Sorry, dude. I would never trust that person's opinion. Besides, he said this one's the best of the lot.
10:44PM on 06/26/2014
Na it just shows he made no attempt to go into it with an open mind.
Na it just shows he made no attempt to go into it with an open mind.
11:58AM on 06/26/2014
166 minutes?! Are you fucking kidding me, Bay?

The balls on this guy.
166 minutes?! Are you fucking kidding me, Bay?

The balls on this guy.
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+0
11:55AM on 06/26/2014

One question......

Hey Eric, regardless if the movie is good or bad, I have to take my uncle to see it anyways. All I want to know is DOES BUMBLEBEE TALK? After 4 films I think he should be speaking now.
Hey Eric, regardless if the movie is good or bad, I have to take my uncle to see it anyways. All I want to know is DOES BUMBLEBEE TALK? After 4 films I think he should be speaking now.
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12:13PM on 06/26/2014
Nope. Still the radio nonsense. I was frustrated at it too.
Nope. Still the radio nonsense. I was frustrated at it too.
12:27PM on 06/26/2014
I don't understand why its such a stretch for Bay/writers to give him a voice. Hell he spoke at the end of the 1st one.
I don't understand why its such a stretch for Bay/writers to give him a voice. Hell he spoke at the end of the 1st one.
12:45PM on 06/26/2014
It would seem Bay thinks it's "funny" or "cute". At one point, Bumblebee plays "Can't Touch This". No more goofy jokes my ass, Bay.
It would seem Bay thinks it's "funny" or "cute". At one point, Bumblebee plays "Can't Touch This". No more goofy jokes my ass, Bay.
+8
11:43AM on 06/26/2014

I hope this movie fails at the Box Office.

I miss 1990s Michael Bay. You know, the guy who made awesome action films! They may not have been great films, but they were just simply awesome, with fun attitude and fun characters. I'm talking The Rock, and Armageddon. There is a difference between Bay of the 90s and Bay today. After Bay's failed attempt with Pearl Harbor, he stopped caring about plot, characters, making things "real" fun, and the audience. Bad Boys II was his "f**k you" to Hollywood for Pearl Harbor and was in his pissed
I miss 1990s Michael Bay. You know, the guy who made awesome action films! They may not have been great films, but they were just simply awesome, with fun attitude and fun characters. I'm talking The Rock, and Armageddon. There is a difference between Bay of the 90s and Bay today. After Bay's failed attempt with Pearl Harbor, he stopped caring about plot, characters, making things "real" fun, and the audience. Bad Boys II was his "f**k you" to Hollywood for Pearl Harbor and was in his pissed off don't care attitude. It almost as if this attitude stayed with him too long. Michael, you were handed a gold opportunity with the story of a teenager and his first car in the first Transformers film. Sure you made some awesome scenes, but you let length, unfunny awkward goofy comedy, heavy stereotyping, the wrong view of "real" women in society (they don't all look and act like Victoria Secret models in your commercials), turn a kids friendly toy into an almost not kid friendly movie, destroy your entire series. WTF happen to you after the 90s Michael????
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+1
11:32AM on 06/26/2014
Is anyone shocked? Bay is one thing, but how the hell the studios keep giving Ehren Kruger work is beyond me, he makes David Goyer look like a capable screenwriter! I'll say I liked the first one, not great, but it felt as if Spielberg had been looking over Bay's shoulder a bit and after it made bank, trusted him to do whatever and then we got the next two abortions of cinema and now this one is joining their ranks. I'd like a producer to sit Michael Bay down and say, "Here's ten million
Is anyone shocked? Bay is one thing, but how the hell the studios keep giving Ehren Kruger work is beyond me, he makes David Goyer look like a capable screenwriter! I'll say I liked the first one, not great, but it felt as if Spielberg had been looking over Bay's shoulder a bit and after it made bank, trusted him to do whatever and then we got the next two abortions of cinema and now this one is joining their ranks. I'd like a producer to sit Michael Bay down and say, "Here's ten million dollars, make a movie with just that and it can't star a Victoria's Secret model."
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11:54AM on 06/26/2014
Agree. Spielberg, was turned on to the idea of the first Transformers story because it was the story of a kid and his first car, which turned out to be an alien Transformer. That sounds like a story Spielberg would invest in and have Dreamworks SKG's name attached to.
The sad part is that the producer on these films is Ian Bryce. Producer of Speed, Spider-Man (2002), World War Z, and SAVING PRIVATE RYAN. He's been with Bay since The Island, and you think he would be Spielberg's eyes on these
Agree. Spielberg, was turned on to the idea of the first Transformers story because it was the story of a kid and his first car, which turned out to be an alien Transformer. That sounds like a story Spielberg would invest in and have Dreamworks SKG's name attached to.
The sad part is that the producer on these films is Ian Bryce. Producer of Speed, Spider-Man (2002), World War Z, and SAVING PRIVATE RYAN. He's been with Bay since The Island, and you think he would be Spielberg's eyes on these projects. As long as these films bank millions, no one will ever care how 'good' the film really is. More will come and continue as long as people keep spending money. And that my friend is truly sad.
11:26AM on 06/26/2014
I am seeing it tonight. Will share my thoughts tomorrow
I am seeing it tonight. Will share my thoughts tomorrow
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11:23AM on 06/26/2014

Couldn't be happier about this

Well deserved. They will laugh all the way to the bank but still doesn't mean I can't call it like I see it. Pure pile of dog shit.
Well deserved. They will laugh all the way to the bank but still doesn't mean I can't call it like I see it. Pure pile of dog shit.
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11:34AM on 06/26/2014
The laughing to the bank part is what's so infuriating about this garbage, though what does it say about the general public?
The laughing to the bank part is what's so infuriating about this garbage, though what does it say about the general public?
11:50AM on 06/26/2014
Nothing that hasn't been said or known for a fact for decades now, the general population is as dumb as a box of rocks and has little to no taste in art whatsoever. The large majority seem to only want spectacle.
Nothing that hasn't been said or known for a fact for decades now, the general population is as dumb as a box of rocks and has little to no taste in art whatsoever. The large majority seem to only want spectacle.
3:40PM on 06/26/2014
Sadly, people will pay good money to lap all that dog shit up and with a smile on their face.
Sadly, people will pay good money to lap all that dog shit up and with a smile on their face.
4:05PM on 06/26/2014
Let's face it they are trying to appeal to the kids who can't see past spectacle and who will buy all the toys and lunch boxes. The Rock didn't have any action figures.
Let's face it they are trying to appeal to the kids who can't see past spectacle and who will buy all the toys and lunch boxes. The Rock didn't have any action figures.
11:04AM on 06/26/2014

was looking forward to this one

I thought the franchise may have been taking another direction. maybe my lowered expectations will help me kind of like this thing.
I thought the franchise may have been taking another direction. maybe my lowered expectations will help me kind of like this thing.
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11:13AM on 06/26/2014
If you thought Michael Bay could produce something worth even 4/10 scores, you're not very bright.
If you thought Michael Bay could produce something worth even 4/10 scores, you're not very bright.
11:36AM on 06/26/2014
Wow you're optimistic....
Wow you're optimistic....
11:00AM on 06/26/2014
I was expecting 5/10 but 3/10? Jeez!
I was expecting 5/10 but 3/10? Jeez!
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11:13AM on 06/26/2014
Nope, 4/10 is his highest average so you were WAY off.
Nope, 4/10 is his highest average so you were WAY off.
11:29AM on 06/26/2014
The Rock, The Island and Transformers: Dark of the Moon = more than 4 on 10. And I am very bright.
The Rock, The Island and Transformers: Dark of the Moon = more than 4 on 10. And I am very bright.
11:39AM on 06/26/2014
I was very much looking forward to this movie. Guess I have to lower my expectation a bit.
I was very much looking forward to this movie. Guess I have to lower my expectation a bit.
10:55AM on 06/26/2014
And yet this movie will make a ton of money, and Edge of Tomorrow struggles in the box office. Shit's fucked up, yo.
And yet this movie will make a ton of money, and Edge of Tomorrow struggles in the box office. Shit's fucked up, yo.
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11:11AM on 06/26/2014
Man get over it already, time to move on.
Man get over it already, time to move on.
11:14AM on 06/26/2014
It's because of the "I'll just enjoy this as a fun popcorn summer movie" crowd. Which actually translates into "I don't like to use my brain when watching movies, I just enjoy shiny things and pretty faces.".
It's because of the "I'll just enjoy this as a fun popcorn summer movie" crowd. Which actually translates into "I don't like to use my brain when watching movies, I just enjoy shiny things and pretty faces.".
10:53AM on 06/26/2014
Called it. Next up on the 3/10 ranking, TMNT.
Called it. Next up on the 3/10 ranking, TMNT.
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10:48AM on 06/26/2014
About what I expected from this movie. I'm sure you'll irk some fanboys that you would be reviewing a movie that you consider the best of the franchise, when you obviously loathed each predecessor, and still only give it a 3/10! Fucking hilarious.
About what I expected from this movie. I'm sure you'll irk some fanboys that you would be reviewing a movie that you consider the best of the franchise, when you obviously loathed each predecessor, and still only give it a 3/10! Fucking hilarious.
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10:41AM on 06/26/2014
I really can't buy Wahlberg as an inventor. Just like I really couldn't buy him as a professor in The Happening.

Despite the shitty score, it does look like the best one out of the franchise.
I really can't buy Wahlberg as an inventor. Just like I really couldn't buy him as a professor in The Happening.

Despite the shitty score, it does look like the best one out of the franchise.
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+7
10:37AM on 06/26/2014
"Any subject, even one as silly as this, can be made interesting and fun, without sacrificing spectacle or mayhem."
I FULLY agree with this statement. The old cartoons had more heart and better stories than any of these films and those cartoons were made to sell toys!
That being said I will be seeing this one in the theatre - I skipped 2 and 3 and watched them at home, but since Shia is out, i thought i would give this a chance.
I have to admit that i liked part 3 for its action (not the
"Any subject, even one as silly as this, can be made interesting and fun, without sacrificing spectacle or mayhem."
I FULLY agree with this statement. The old cartoons had more heart and better stories than any of these films and those cartoons were made to sell toys!
That being said I will be seeing this one in the theatre - I skipped 2 and 3 and watched them at home, but since Shia is out, i thought i would give this a chance.
I have to admit that i liked part 3 for its action (not the characters as they were terrible), so as long as it has some good action it should be ok.
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+2
10:31AM on 06/26/2014
stopped reading at 'man-made Decepticons" no thanks
stopped reading at 'man-made Decepticons" no thanks
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4:03PM on 06/26/2014
Ya like man kind wouldn't try to build their own [link] a stupid idea.
Ya like man kind wouldn't try to build their own [link] a stupid idea.
4:03PM on 06/26/2014
Ya like man kind wouldn't try to build their own [link] a stupid idea.
Ya like man kind wouldn't try to build their own [link] a stupid idea.
4:03PM on 06/26/2014
Ya like man kind wouldn't try to build their own [link] a stupid idea.
Ya like man kind wouldn't try to build their own [link] a stupid idea.
4:03PM on 06/26/2014
Ya like man kind wouldn't try to build their own [link] a stupid idea.
Ya like man kind wouldn't try to build their own [link] a stupid idea.
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