Its been a while since I’ve dated anyone. Pornhub has become a good friend of mine, and that memory of the girl with the big boobs in grade school who asked me to dance whenever a Mariah Carey song came on won’t soon fade. Those boobs are still first up in my wank tank and have been more faithful to me than any girl ever was. That’s why I’m crossing my fingers with my new girlfriend. She really does have it all. She’s beautiful, self-assured, and highly, self aware. She has the ability to express herself through fashion, she’s passionate, and she is extremely active. Best of all, she loves the ninja turtles. A lot. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, introducing my cupcake, my muffin, my penguin, my pineapple–My new girlfriend, Michelle.
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