WTF!!!
Quick…name the most god awful potential pairing you can think of between an actor and director. Where’s Jessica Simpson and Uwe Boll on that list?
Well, according to Gofanboy.com, the pair is headed for the cosmos in a new METROID movie. Wait, really???
We don’t generally indulge in rumors ’round these parts, but this is just too damn funny to omit. I mean, c’mon…Boll and Simpson on the same cinematic team…the gold standard of filmic fail written all over it!
So, for now I’m calling this mere hearsay, but it doesn’t mean it won’t happen eventually. Here’s how the rumor release from the site reads:
“Actress Jessica Simpson is rumored to have secured the role of Space Bounty Hunter Samus Aran (seen above) in a Hollywood version of a Nintendo game. In the game, Metroid, the hero controls Samus on her goal to rid the world of energy sucking beasts called Metroids. Think of it as a cross between Aliens and Dracula.
Simpson is excited to restart her movie career and is reportedly taking part in the selection of Samus’ love interest. Simpson’s publicists has also confirmed that she will be contributing to the plot. “Ms Simpson feels the plot is too complex and would like to move the plot closer to it’s core story of love and adventure.
The movie, rumored to be directed by famed director Uwe Boll, will feature a wise cracking ethnic Metroid played by the fat kid from good burger.”
Yeah, that release had me until that last line. Now I’m calling double bulls*it!
Anyone else hope I’m wrong? Let it fly below!
The comment section exists to allow readers to discuss the article constructively and respectfully, focused on the topic at hand.
What’s Not Allowed