RA: Road House

Last Updated on July 27, 2021

ROAD HOUSE (1989)

Rating: 3 on 4 /

Buy the DVD here

Tag Line: Dalton lives like a loner, fights like a professional. And loves like there’s no tomorrow. The dancing’s over. Now it gets dirty.

Directed by Rowdy Herrington
Starring Patrick Swayze, Kelly Lynch, Sam Elliott, and Ben Gazzara

THE PLAN: Badass bouncer and professional “cooler” Dalton (Swayze) is hired to turn The Double Deuce from rough and tough dive bar into a respectable establishment. But the town’s local rich guy who owns everything doesn’t like Dalton cutting down his profits… or his henchmen… or banging his wannabe girlfriend. Dalton keeps his cool, but doesn’t stand down or take shit from anyone- it’s last call… for action!

THE KILL: Patrick Swayze may not be the first name to come to mind when you think ‘action star’… that is, until you’ve seen ROAD HOUSE. Because after you’ve seen ROAD HOUSE, the Swayze will forever be known as Dalton, the no-shit taking bar bouncer who will go down in history books for being a legendary badass. The film hypes Dalton’s background, but frankly-it’s unnecessary. Why? Because the man let’s us know he’s a badass by showing us that he is- not just telling us that he is.

So why is ROAD HOUSE so f*cking awesome? One word: Dalton. He’s just too cool for school. He’s well educated, he’s into philosophy, he does Thai Chi, he reads shit like Legends of the Fall, and he knows how to kick ass. He doesn’t take shit from anybody, he rarely loses his cool, but when he does… look out! He’s a lover and a fighter, and yet somehow, he’s not overly macho… and even has a sensitive side.

ROAD HOUSE also features a ton of bar fighting ass kickery that never gets old… especially since it takes place in the 80s, and mullets flock everywhere like there’s no tomorrow. The Double Deuce seems like the coolest place to get drunk ever, before and after it’s transformation from dive bar to night club. Drinking, bars, and fighting- add that shit up, and you have ROAD HOUSE in a nut shell.

Whatever you do, don’t piss Dalton off. He will f*ck you up!

But I’m missing something here… Could there possibly be anything else? Oh yeah, that’s right… T&A, baby! It’s flowing here like every movie should! Kelly Lynch does us all a favor and gets nice and naked for us, not to mention all the random boobies that are sprinkled here and there. ROAD HOUSE is unapologetically gratuitous in the nudity department and freakin’ knows it… yet somehow, it still holds a level of class that steers away from just mindless trash.

Top it all off with a cast of great characters including the rough and tough Sam Elliott as Garrett (another legendary character in his own right), and Ben Gazzara as the notorious bad guy, Brad Wesley. Damn that guy does a good job! You will f*cking hate his guts by the time the credits roll, and you’ll love every second of it!

But what’s a classic action movie without one liners? ROAD HOUSE features great one liners. Lines that you’ll likely pick up and use in your everyday life. “It’s my way or the highway”; “Be nice.”; “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”; and my personal favorite, “Pain don’t hurt.”. In fact, you’ll probably say something like ‘So THAT’S where that line came from!’ during half the film, as there’s so much goodness to be had here that it’s often quoted by groups of meatballs and film geeks alike.

When a film called ROAD HOUSE is directed by a guy named Rowdy, you know you’re in for a good time. There are a few names in the action genre that will go down in history: Dirty Harry, John McLane, John Rambo, Martin Riggs, and now… Dalton. No first name, just Dalton. This is not to say that ROAD HOUSE doesn’t have it’s flaws, but the fact of the matter is: those flaws don’t matter, because ROAD HOUSE is so awesomely bad, it’s good. And not just good, but great! And the best part of it all? It gets better with every viewing. So if mullets, rockin’ 80s tunes, T&A, and bar brawls are you’re thing, you owe it to yourself to check out ROAD HOUSE. If you’re into sensitive hero types, then… shit, there’s even a little bit of something here for you too.

Rules to live by. Just remember: Be Nice.

TOP DEATH: This is actually trickier than it sounds, as while the body count isn’t high, the few deaths in the film hit the right spot. My vote’s gonna have to go with the Welsley’s untimely- and well executed – demise. With every shotgun blast, you’ll howl with delight.

TOP ACTION SCENE: While every bar brawl depicted in ROAD HOUSE has it’s moments of sheer greatness, I’m gonna go with Dalton’s beach showdown with Jimmy, the mullet rockin’ lead henchman. Their fighting mirrors a well choreographed ballet of leaping, kicking, and the proverbially ripping out of throats. “Hey Wesley! F*CK YOU!!!”

TOP HOMOEROTIC MOMENT: How can any movie starring The Swayze be anything but homoerotic? ROAD HOUSE is no different, with a few Swayze ass shots, Swayze shirtless and sweaty upon a number of occasions, and lines including this one by the mascara wearing badass from the fight above: “I used to fuck guys like you in prison”!

FEMALE EXPLOITATION: While there’s plenty in the T&A department, a few key scenes come to mind: Dalton catching a soon-to-be ex-employee on his lunch break in the backroom; bar patron offering his girlfriend’s boobs up for grabs (literally) for 20 bucks; the gratuitous strip-club scene where we meet the notorious Garrett; the strip-tease dance from the Wesley’s trophy girlfriend; and finally, the Kelly Lynch sex scene.

TOP LINE/DIALOGUE:
Dalton: Pain don’t hurt.

Dalton: Be nice.

Garrett: When a man sticks a gun in your face, you’ve got 2 choices: you can die, or you can kill the motherf*cker!

DRINKING GAME: Every time someone gets punched in the face, you have to drink!

TRIVIA:
The guy who offers his girlfriends boobs for $20 is Chris Latta, who voiced such cartoon characters as Cobra Commander in G.I. JOE, and Starscream in TRANSFORMERS.

The latest deluxe edition DVD of ROAD HOUSE features the quote “This movie filled my noggin with good times all around.” , taken directly from The Arrow’s ROAD HOUSE review.

You’re too stupid to have a good time!!!

BUY THE DVD HERE